Huge row with DH! Help me!!

[DM1720]

Just had a big row with DH over cleaning the kitchen. I usually cook dinner, he cleans up after while I put our kids to bed. It’s a system that works well for us!
This evening I came downstairs and found him sweeping the kitchen surfaces with our dustpan and brush! 🤢 I asked him not to do this before so when I saw him doing it again this evening I got angry and asked why he couldn’t do it the normal way I.e use a cloth to sweep crumbs into hand or even on to floor and sweep after (which he’d be doing anyway!). He couldn’t see where I was coming from at all, and cannot understand what is wrong with his way. I think it’s disgusting even though he plans to wipe down the surfaces after with the kitchen cloth! He said he’s not cleaning up anymore if he’s not left to do it his way etc etc 🙄
AIBU?
Please help me to explain to him how gross this is? He won’t listen. We’re not actually speaking over this!!

If you have a dishwasher put your cloths and sponges in there every night.

I have super low standards and even I wouldn't do that lol.

Grosse.

The floor has all sorts of muck on it that you wouldn't want to have near your food counters and dish cleaning cloth/sponge but by using the same brush on the floor and bench top he is just transferring that muck around.

Yuck.

He said he’s not cleaning up anymore if he’s not left to do it his way etc etc

I'd say the same if DH tried dictating to me how to clean, to be honest. You need to either turn a blind eye or try to fix the situation by getting a small surface-only dustpan and brush. I use my dustpan and brush on the surfaces on occasion, but they're clearly not as filthy as half of those out there on MN..

Nasty 🤢

This mentality is ridiculous, would you refuse to do the washing if he told you you're not meant to wash the towels with the clothes or if he told you that you shouldn't use the cleaning cloth to wipe the toilet and then the bathroom bench?

It sounds a bit like he is provoking you to do it yourself

@StoppinBy

What's wrong with washing towels with clothes?

I think our obsession with germs does go a little too far but even I wouldn't use a cloth for anything else after cleaning the toilet. Even with antibac. Still think the person doing the cooking and deliberately making a big mess (but doesn't when she has to clean up) is taking the piss.

Yes… this is what I’ll have to do as it’s obviously too much effort for him to take it out from under the sink cupboard when he needs it 🙄

Those saying he’s deliberately doing it… I don’t think so. Coz I’m not usually there when he does it! I didn’t know it was happening and he was happy with that!

@DM1720

Its obviously too much effort for you to not leave the kitchen like a shit hole

🤷‍♀️

I am actually howling at the people that think the cooking mess I leave behind is a bigger issue. I cook and clean and mind the kids all day. (Sahm) and this is his only task. I’m not doing it half for him!! And I’ve made the point already I don’t deliberately make a mess!! Imagine!! Lol …. Literally howling at this!!!

Also for anyone suggesting a chopping board. Obviously we don’t prep food on the counters. However if I was making a sandwich and some grated cheese happened to fall onto the counter top.. I would like to be able to pick up that piece of cheese and eat it or put it back on the sandwich without having to worry about dirty floor germs! Seriously… what’s the point in cleaning with a dirty brush or cloth!

Theres also been a point made about washing at 60degrees and this is exactly my thinking on it. Surely you don’t put the dishcloths in on just a 40 degree wash every evening with normal clothes? That’s not hygienic either, this is why I wait until i have enough for a 60 wash and do it a couple of times a week!

His only task other than earning all the money?

If he literally does nothing else other than go to work and clean up after dinner then you've got bigger problems than a dust pan

And you did say that you were a messy cook and even more so when you knew he was cleaning up. That is deliberate.

There's also been a point made about washing at 60 degrees and this is exactly my thinking on it. Surely you don’t put the dishcloths in on just a 40 degree wash every evening with normal clothes? That’s not hygienic either, this is why I wait until i have enough for a 60 wash and do it a couple of times a week!
I do. Don't see the problem. If I waited till I had enough cloths for a 60 degree wash I'd need 8kg worth of them. That's a lot of cloths. I don't wash anything above 40. Cleaning cloths get chucked in the machine whenever they have been used so get done with whatever the next load is.

would you refuse to do the washing if he told you you're not meant to wash the towels with the clothes

Well I always do that, so no. People on here have some really weird hang ups. I separate the whites and everything else goes in together.

As someone who has had only had one or two massive rows with DP in 10 years the idea that something as unimportant as this would lead us to Not Speaking To Each Other is just mind-boggling. It doesn't matter. DP and I have different standards for different things but no one gets ill if the other person does things their way. At worst a sarcastic comment gets made.

I wouldn't use a dustpan and brush on a surface but I'm not bothered by the idea either. I have used handheld hoovers on kitchen surfaces though.

I also put tea towels and dish cloths in with the rest of the laundry.

Like I said, no one's died. We hardly get ill either.

Oh, get a grip. He was going to wipe down the surfaces afterwards.

More grips needed. We never wash at 60 and never get ill except for the occasional cold.

Grrr, was just coming on to triumphantly introduce the "poo crumbs" issue.

You beat me to it!

Hope you don't wear your apron in the bathroom OP :-)

Your DH sounds sensible, I don't see he's doing anything wrong. You sound quite extreme imo. Imo whoever cleans makes the rules. If you don't like how he does it, learn to not make such a mess so he doesn't need to do that, or clean up yourself. You have no right to tell him how to do it if he's doing it. You clean your way, he cleans his way so you should mind your own business and let him get on with it. He sounds like he does a more thorough cleaning job than you would. Apologise to him, tell him to clean how he wants, and leave him to it.

My lovely cockapoos bottom kisses the kitchen floor. It doesn’t kiss the work surfaces. That’s what floor germs are!

To everyone who thinks it’s ok, it you witnessed that happening in a restaurant….would you choose to eat there?! I wouldn’t.

@Lotusmonster

I wouldnt eat in a restaurant that had dogs in it

Literally howling at this!!!

Oh no, op is another one who thinks 'literally' is a meaningless word. I'm having visions of a woman howling at the moonlight through her kitchen window, dustpan and brush cast aside.

Waiters and cooks are likely to spread more germs than dogs, through not washing their hands or through uncooked or dirty food.

Unless they use their brooms from floors where dogs and people have been walking to sweep the tables.

Do you ever eat out...😉

Loved this comment for its sheer ignorance of health codes in restaurants. I've worked in restaurants and sweeping the work surfaces with the floor broom would earn the restaurant a long and uncomfortable conversation with inspectors, and possibly worse.

It's foul, OP. It's obvious cross-contamination.

This thread has been enlightening, though, as lots of posters are taking your husband's side. Yuck. The belief in the magic dishcloth that disinfects surfaces with a quick swipe over the top is also eye-opening.

Good luck, OP. Don't let him get work in food prep.