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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Huge row with DH! Help me!!

315 replies

DM1720 · 11/10/2022 20:15

Just had a big row with DH over cleaning the kitchen. I usually cook dinner, he cleans up after while I put our kids to bed. It’s a system that works well for us!
This evening I came downstairs and found him sweeping the kitchen surfaces with our dustpan and brush! 🤢 I asked him not to do this before so when I saw him doing it again this evening I got angry and asked why he couldn’t do it the normal way I.e use a cloth to sweep crumbs into hand or even on to floor and sweep after (which he’d be doing anyway!). He couldn’t see where I was coming from at all, and cannot understand what is wrong with his way. I think it’s disgusting even though he plans to wipe down the surfaces after with the kitchen cloth! He said he’s not cleaning up anymore if he’s not left to do it his way etc etc 🙄
AIBU?
Please help me to explain to him how gross this is? He won’t listen. We’re not actually speaking over this!!

OP posts:
Welshmonster · 14/10/2022 18:17

throw the dustpan away and buy two. One for kitchen use and one for floors etc.
cleaning afterwards with a cloth is not good. Would he be happy knowing a restaurant did this?
or buy him a little DustBuster. They are great for crumbs on side and you wipe down outside after use.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 14/10/2022 18:23

I have one just for kitchen side use.
Definitely the way to go. I used to hate crumby cloths from wiping the sides.

IndysMamaRex · 14/10/2022 18:24

nah he belong is prison! That is vile. I do understand what he is saying but no it’s horrid, even my husband was on your side

Blowyourowntrumpet · 14/10/2022 18:24

I'd you don't like the way he does it, do it yourself.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 14/10/2022 18:24

As is keeping the floor one elsewhere so they don’t get confused.

Purple52 · 14/10/2022 18:33

Good grief!
let him get in with it!

have any of you been ill from him doing it? - if not, it’s not doing you any harm!!

if you’re still putting your DC’s to bed, I’m guessing they’re not yet at the age where they climb on the work tops with their shoes on ! 🙄 or cleaning football boots on the work surface.

as long as he gives it a wipe down afterwards I can’t see the problem!

our kitchen is not just food prep. It’s the centre of our family home.

to caveat. I have many clothes and they get laundered after each use. (Though I’m pretty sure a dunk in the hot soapy sink could be a better wash than 30 degrees in the machine - but I have a drying process for laundry and not for so many cloths in the kitchen.

EasilyDistracted77 · 14/10/2022 18:54

This is EXACTLY the kind of post I could write about my DH who can't see the issue with using the flannels to clean the bathroom (including the toilet seat) rather than one of the rags we have specifically for the purpose. He thinks I'm the one with the problem 🤷🏼‍♀️

1HappyTraveller · 14/10/2022 18:54

@DM1720

”DH has agreed not to use the floor brush anymore to clean up the surfaces. Yay!”

He is definitely still going to do it.

“I still can’t believe so many people think it’s okay btw!! The poll worries me to be honest! 🤢“

Agreed. It’s gross. I can’t understand why some people can’t grasp basic hygiene.

MightyOaks · 14/10/2022 18:54

Since when was Listeria, Dysentery, Staphylococcus aureus, Escherichia, E Coli & Fecal matter ‘good’ for the immune system? Please enlighten me and all the previous sufferers of poisoning by said bacteria & the relatives of those who didn’t make it……? I’m intrigued. I imagine the NHS is too, as this will be news to them….

RiftGibbon · 14/10/2022 19:30

AFS1 · 11/10/2022 20:20

Don’t see the problem as long as he’s wiping down afterwards.

I agree. If he was just sweeping it and leaving it, then that's one thing. But if he's going to follow up by cleaning it with something proper, then it wouldn't bother me.

I may have done the same myself once or twice

Sophie89j · 14/10/2022 20:53

This is gross. Every time I wipe a surface with a cloth or tea towel I use antibac (I do this at least once a day of each surface), once I finish wiping the surfaces I stick that cloth or tea towel in the wash but I do use the same cloth on all of the surfaces working my way from least messy to dirtiest such as the cooker. I never reuse this cloth once cleaned the surfaces with it and I also don’t use a dustpan for the surfaces. I can see the appeal as it’ll save floor crumbs resulting in less to sweep but I use my hand to wipe into it a chopping board before it goes in the dishwasher.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 22/10/2022 11:52

I’m assuming all the people who can’t cope with the idea of this and then wiping properly also wash all food packets as they come into the house and don’t ever have vegetables that haven’t been washed outside first.

TheOrigRights · 22/10/2022 12:02

Sooooo much antibac use. I'm not sure it ideal.

PoseyFlump · 22/10/2022 12:22

can’t cope with the idea of this and then wiping properly

If he didn't do it in the first place there would be no need to wipe properly and overuse antibac. Just use your hand!

cramernh · 10/11/2022 09:25

OK - To the wife: I 'get' it. I understand your side of this. For my home, I would be the same way because of what I know can come trapsing in from the steel-toed boots my husband wears for his line of work. He does uniform-delivery to farms, manufacturing plants, government-contracted companies, chemical plants, printing companies (that ink is nasty by the way) and even daycare facilities. I live in a demographic where when it rains, it is by the bucket load at times. Winter, let's face it - snow. So, yes, I can relate. I would want the brush/dustpan only for the floor.

However, instead of getting mad-hatter angry to the point you arent talking to each other like you mentioned now, you need to be better at communicating with your husband without the iron-fist. You have just basically treated him like a child with the way you have described the scenario.

OK - to the husband: You ALSO need to learn how to communicate better so you dont get mad-hatter angry to the point you arent talking to each other like this article mentions, without the iron-fist. Yes, with the way this article comes across, you are just as much at fault for the demise of communication as she is. However, you have to have some sort of reasonable level of 'seeing things from someone else's perspective' so long as they arent bringing on a verbal war, of course. Think about what your boots/shoes/sandals are bringing into the home, when inclement weather strikes and you are bringing the outdoor elements in with you? Unless you have resorted to taking off your footwear prior to entering, you are contributing to the mess that is brought in just as much as she is. How about loose hair? No one could possibly remove all of the loose hair that entwines in the bristles of that brush! THAT is probably what your wife is thinking but clearly she sucks at getting the words out.

How to solve the problem that THE WIFE/THE WRITER amplified:
Get him a dedicated countertop-only brush/dustpan. Label it as such.
So long as he is disinfecting the countertops afterwards, problem is done and gone.

You can talk to your husband without talking to him like a child. But, even more so, you dont have to cut him down for something he may have been doing BEFORE he met you or even from his childhood, THAT may have been something that was considered normal before you two got together. Like your husband, YOU TOO can learn how to have some sort of reasonable level of 'seeing things from someone else's perspective' so long as YOU dont bring on another war again.

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