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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huge row with DH! Help me!!

315 replies

DM1720 · 11/10/2022 20:15

Just had a big row with DH over cleaning the kitchen. I usually cook dinner, he cleans up after while I put our kids to bed. It’s a system that works well for us!
This evening I came downstairs and found him sweeping the kitchen surfaces with our dustpan and brush! 🤢 I asked him not to do this before so when I saw him doing it again this evening I got angry and asked why he couldn’t do it the normal way I.e use a cloth to sweep crumbs into hand or even on to floor and sweep after (which he’d be doing anyway!). He couldn’t see where I was coming from at all, and cannot understand what is wrong with his way. I think it’s disgusting even though he plans to wipe down the surfaces after with the kitchen cloth! He said he’s not cleaning up anymore if he’s not left to do it his way etc etc 🙄
AIBU?
Please help me to explain to him how gross this is? He won’t listen. We’re not actually speaking over this!!

OP posts:
Lizzy53 · 12/10/2022 21:25

He is being lazy and stupid floor brushes for floor....bin it

Floweryflora · 12/10/2022 21:26

God of my husband was telling me how to clean I’d knee him in the nuts, his he puts up with you I don’t know,would give me the right ick

Mynan · 12/10/2022 21:29

I once caught my nan washing up dishes in the same water she had already used to wash my son’s pooey pants (he had chronic constipation as a toddler). She lived to 104.

I also once had a Swedish friend come to stay who got very upset because we didn’t rinse our dishes after we washed them in soapy water. No idea if he’s still alive but I am.

ScrollingLeaves · 12/10/2022 21:33

Who would have thought that the majority on this poll thinks it is fine to sweep counters with a floor brush as long as they are wiped afterwards?

All those quartz and oiled wood worktops that cost so much, or even formica, all that pride and remortgages for loans for kitchens ……. Clean it with a dirty floor brush.

I wonder if the poll in other cultures would show the same?

MB34 · 12/10/2022 21:36

Sounds like my DH. He uses the dish cloth to wipe up spills on the floor then puts it back on the sink.

Dawb · 12/10/2022 21:48

Catching up on this. When I was at uni I lived with 7 other girls and this issue came up. Out of the 8 of us, 6 of us were LIVID that one girl had been using the FLOOR dustpan and brush on the sides. I cannot believe that mumsnet is 50/50 on this and a bunch of 21 year old students came to the clean / right decision. Any appliance that is used on the floor is for THE FLOOR. The kitchen side is meant to be clean. I wouldn’t eat food that had dropped on the floor even though we hoover and disinfect the floor.

OP. I’d kill my DP if he did this. He wouldn’t as he knows that it was deeply upset me. The fact you have brought him a special side dustpan and brush and won’t use is is dreadful. Sounds like he is doing a shit job on purpose to get out of it. I caught my x husband using the hoover head (the main one for the floor) on the kitchen sides when he was meant to be doing all the cleaning after I was recovering from a serious operation - the man couldn’t even clean up properly when I had cancer. Completely selfish. I know how you feel - one job he has and can’t do it right!!!

Supergirl1958 · 12/10/2022 22:01

first world problems! You’re lucky DH is doing something!!

PoseyFlump · 12/10/2022 22:02

I once caught my nan washing up dishes in the same water she had already used to wash my son’s pooey pants

That made me 😂 and 🤮 all at the same time!

rosesandbees · 12/10/2022 22:05

we have two identical ones. The work surface one has ‘work surface only’ in permanent marker. Works well for us. Failing that Hide the floor one so he can’t use it!

cosmiccosmos · 12/10/2022 22:23

Do you have a dog or car. We'll just tel him to put them on the worktop to clean up the crumbs,pretty much the same as using the dust pan and brush that used on the floor.

Joking aside it is the same as using one cloth on the floor and worktops, personally I would never do it. Are you sure he's not aiming to just say he won't do it anymore?

cosmiccosmos · 12/10/2022 22:23

Dog or CAT obvs

Maggiethecat · 12/10/2022 22:27

PoseyFlump · 12/10/2022 21:24

I just can't see how there are so many crumbs on the kitchen surface that you need to use a special dustpan and brush. My long dead grannies would be pissing themselves laughing at your first world problems.

Use a cutting board to prep food, take cutting board and hold it against your unit, sweep crumbs onto board with your hand, dispose of. Or better still, throw breadcrumbs outside for the birds 🙄

This ^

Why go to bother of getting extra dustpan/brush, distinguishing it when you can do this?

All the people suggesting this, do you just want more stuff?

Sirius3030 · 12/10/2022 22:28

I caught my x husband using the hoover head (the main one for the floor) on the kitchen sides.

Really can’t see the problem with this…

Isinglass20 · 12/10/2022 22:30

I wonder if this obsession with cleanliness is cause of eczema in babies and children. And lack of immunity.

marvellousmaple · 12/10/2022 22:33

What is a kitchen "side"? Do you mean the surface or the cupboard front?

MsBombastic555 · 12/10/2022 23:03

Dacadactyl · 11/10/2022 20:19

Ok so its not what id do and i agree with you tbh. But its prob good for the immune system his way! However, id just ask him to grab a new dustpan specifically for that purpose next time hes out.

I certaknly wouldnt fall out with him kver it

Good for the immune system????!!! Jesus wept. I mean I suppose if it could survive that it could survive anything! Your shoes can bring in literally anything on the floor which of course the dustpan and brush is used for.

a1poshpaws · 12/10/2022 23:15

Can't see the problem. If he's wiping afterwards with a disinfect wipe, he's killing "99.9% of bacteria and viruses" if you believe the manufacturers. I think you actually have a bit of a cheek criticising his methods - if you feel that strongly about it, swap it for a chore you do.

Original poster
DM1720 · 12/10/2022 23:20

Just an update.we had a chat again this evening. Calmer. DH has agreed not to use the floor brush anymore to clean up the surfaces. Yay! I’ve left the one I bought him specifically for this purpose out where he can easily access it. He still won’t admit how disgusting he was being but he realises how much it grosses me out so he will stop. I did apologise for the way I reacted when I saw him doing it as I may have been a little OTT! All is good again!

I still can’t believe so many people think it’s okay btw!! The poll worries me to be honest! 🤢

OP posts:
ScrollingLeaves · 12/10/2022 23:49

That’s a nice outcome, DM1720 So pleased you’ve worked it out between you.

Will you try to clean up as you cook more? It is quite satisfying really.

StoppinBy · 13/10/2022 02:48

Topgub · 12/10/2022 08:11

@StoppinBy

What's wrong with washing towels with clothes?

The clothes get fluff on them that you have to then get off.

Do you not have that problem if you wash them together?

I am genuinely interested in that, not mocking you at all by the way :-)

Iwantmyoldnameback · 13/10/2022 03:02

No one uses three seconds rule on Mumsnet then?

jollyroll · 13/10/2022 04:07

Supergirl1958 · 12/10/2022 22:01

first world problems! You’re lucky DH is doing something!!

So this is the part of the problem: assuming that it's a gift or a great favor for a man to be doing any part of necessary household cleaning.

OP, your DH is being immature if he only wants to clean "his way". You are not unreasonable. The point is there is a job that needs doing in the house he lives in. He should do this job and do it in an effective way. Contaminating the surfaces is not effective. It is the opposite of cleaning.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/10/2022 04:09

Iwantmyoldnameback · 13/10/2022 03:02

No one uses three seconds rule on Mumsnet then?

It's actually FIVE seconds chez Hearts.

StoppinBy · 13/10/2022 05:30

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/10/2022 04:09

It's actually FIVE seconds chez Hearts.

Show quote history

3 seconds in our house for 'normal food' - 10 seconds for chocolate and lollies hahah

DappledThings · 13/10/2022 06:01

StoppinBy · 13/10/2022 02:48

The clothes get fluff on them that you have to then get off.

Do you not have that problem if you wash them together?

I am genuinely interested in that, not mocking you at all by the way :-)

Show quote history

No, this is not an issue I've ever had.