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Unhappy that my husband has booked our holiday for next 18 months without consulting me

157 replies

CHE1982 · 11/10/2022 12:07

My husband loves old, architecturally interesting buildings. The Landmark Trust is therefore his go-to place for family holidays. So far, we've been on about 15 of them. They are popular, and so they book up quickly. But he told me the other day (our wedding anniversary in fact...) that he's booked 5 holidays up to the end of 2023, all at Landmark properties! I don't have a long list of other places to go to, but I find it so depressing and formulaic that these are the only places we visit. Plus, they are not necessarily in great locations - it is about the building rather than the location - so you end up pottering around a relatively unremarkable part of the UK. I enjoy a few creature comforts on holiday - embarrassed to say I quite like a washing machine! The children get covered in mud and I spend my holiday hand washing their clothes at a Landmark.... The cooking facilities are ok, but we seem to spend every holiday not eating out either - so I am cooking all holiday too. And then there are no soft carpets or luxurious blankets - a Landmark holiday is the kind when you need to remember to take your thermals and slippers :-) I think I am supposed to be grateful that my husband has organised our holidays and that is one less admin job to think about. But the truth is, I find it demoralising and depressing and holidays end up being the last thing I am looking for to..! AIBU? And any ideas for holidays that will interest my husband and children (8yo and 6yo)??

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

785 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
Blobblobblob · 11/10/2022 12:09

He should have consulted you.

Any particular reason why he can't do the cooking, or why a few of these can't be cancelled and rebooked for something more fun?

girlmom21 · 11/10/2022 12:09

Firstly, I'd suggest you set your expectations for these ones. You're not doing the washing and cooking and either he does it or you have meals out.

Secondly, tell him to stop booking holidays without your agreement because you'd like to pick somewhere.

Thirdly, can you go somewhere a bit more exotic like go and see the pyramids or the colosseum?

chocolatemmmmm · 11/10/2022 12:10

Absolutely not being unreasonable! I would hate it if my husband did this. Have you explained to him your feelings about these holidays? Could you book a place in somewhere like Pembrokeshire, lots of beaches and family days out, but also castles!

YellowTreeHouse · 11/10/2022 12:10

It should be a joint choice. Your holiday, his holiday etc. Take it in turns.

I’d just tell him he’d have to cancel some and he shouldn’t book anything without consulting me.

Cakecakecheese · 11/10/2022 12:11

Wow. It's pretty selfish really. What sort of holiday would you like to do? If can cancel any of the things he's booked he should replace at least one with one you want. You really need to put your foot down otherwise he'll keep doing it.

Greydogs123 · 11/10/2022 12:11

That is spectacularly unfair of him. I would be be pissed off to have no say in where I was going on holiday!
I would tell him that one or two holidays can be interest specific, but the rest need to be jointly decided on - including location and accommodation.
If any of the holidays he’s already booked are refundable I would be demanding he cancel 3 of them and you will look and decide together on breaks.

Blueberrycreampie · 11/10/2022 12:12

This would not be my idea of a great holiday as I like scenery and nice places to visit nearby. The accommodation would be very much secondary and as long as it was clean and comfortable (warm with a nice bed!), I would be happy. Why do you not get to choose where you'd like to go and alternate between yours and his choices?

FourTeaFallOut · 11/10/2022 12:13

So, he gets the holidays he wants for the next 18months and you just trail behind keeping the kids going with crappy facilities? Bollocks to that. Cancel them and tell him that it won't work for you

AlisonDonut · 11/10/2022 12:13

'Ok great, have fun. I've seen enough of those but crack on if you want to go.'

SerenaTee · 11/10/2022 12:14

I’d refuse to go, how controlling is he!

Bobbins36 · 11/10/2022 12:16

‘I am disappointed you booked all of our family holidays without asking me if I actually would like to do this. FYI I don’t. Cancel some of them and I will have my turn at choosing what we do.’

NashvilleQueen · 11/10/2022 12:16

You're clearly not being unreasonable.

Presumably you won't go along with it?

Hillarious · 11/10/2022 12:17

How did you find yourself in this situation? Have you mentioned at any point that you're not happy with these kinds of holidays?

Ellie1015 · 11/10/2022 12:17

I would expect him to cancel most of these. It should be at least turns each for which type of holiday you would like. Or prioritise kids entertainment if that means you both get more downtime.

newtb · 11/10/2022 12:17

Let him go with the kids, and Book yourself a holiday in the sun at the same time. Have a peaceful luxurious break.

mollymole999 · 11/10/2022 12:19


whoruntheworldgirls · 11/10/2022 12:21

Very unreasonable that he'd just go ahead and book, i'd push back and cancel some.
Has he looked at the Italian properties they have?

Jules912 · 11/10/2022 12:21

I did ask DH to book our next holiday, as due to a combination of things I already have more to organise than I can keep on top of, but we did at least discuss what we both wanted and he checked before making the final booking! As it happens he's booked the place we went to a couple of years ago and all loved.

ChessieFL · 11/10/2022 12:21

Hillarious · 11/10/2022 12:17

How did you find yourself in this situation? Have you mentioned at any point that you're not happy with these kinds of holidays?

This - have you actually told him you hate these holidays? If you have then yes he’s unreasonable and incredibly selfish. However if you haven’t told him then he obviously thinks you enjoy them and thinks he’s done you a favour booking something you like (although he should still have consulted you).

CHE1982 · 11/10/2022 12:22

Oh, thank you everyone. Feeling so much better. You're right - its not just the places, but the fact he did it all without speaking to me - they've been booked for months... I think we can cancel them (deposit refundable if LT sell them which I imagine they will). There are a couple we could keep - one at a castle he'd like his parents to go to with us for his Dad's 80th birthday, and maybe another. But I think I'll have to suggest alternatives for the others as a compromise. @chocolatemmmmm - Pembrokeshire is a lovely idea, somewhere I'd like to explore. Will have a look there. Abroad once in a while would be nice too! (He doesn't like hotels or places with lots of people.... why didn't I marry a normal person?!) x

OP posts:
Everydaywheniwakeup · 11/10/2022 12:23

Tell him to get lost. A building, however interesting is a visit not a holiday. Book a beach holiday somewhere like Crete and he can see sights, you can chill.

Dixiechickonhols · 11/10/2022 12:25

I’d let him take kids to next one and book something you want just for you. On other ones I wouldn’t cook or wash it’s a holiday.

Kellie45 · 11/10/2022 12:25

Let him take the kids on holiday and you go somewhere on your own

Rainbowqueeen · 11/10/2022 12:29

Make him pull his weight at the holidays that you do not cancel. - he can do the cooking, packing, washing etc.

ChaToilLeam · 11/10/2022 12:30

He’s a right cheeky fucker deciding where to holiday without consulting you, like he’s the king of the castle! I’d refuse to go and insist he cancel. Maybe keep his dad’s 80th but if the others mean a shit holiday for you, then it’s a big NO.

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