Unhappy that my husband has booked our holiday for next 18 months without consulting me

[CHE1982]

My husband loves old, architecturally interesting buildings. The Landmark Trust is therefore his go-to place for family holidays. So far, we've been on about 15 of them. They are popular, and so they book up quickly. But he told me the other day (our wedding anniversary in fact...) that he's booked 5 holidays up to the end of 2023, all at Landmark properties! I don't have a long list of other places to go to, but I find it so depressing and formulaic that these are the only places we visit. Plus, they are not necessarily in great locations - it is about the building rather than the location - so you end up pottering around a relatively unremarkable part of the UK. I enjoy a few creature comforts on holiday - embarrassed to say I quite like a washing machine! The children get covered in mud and I spend my holiday hand washing their clothes at a Landmark.... The cooking facilities are ok, but we seem to spend every holiday not eating out either - so I am cooking all holiday too. And then there are no soft carpets or luxurious blankets - a Landmark holiday is the kind when you need to remember to take your thermals and slippers :-) I think I am supposed to be grateful that my husband has organised our holidays and that is one less admin job to think about. But the truth is, I find it demoralising and depressing and holidays end up being the last thing I am looking for to..! AIBU? And any ideas for holidays that will interest my husband and children (8yo and 6yo)??

@Hillarious @ChessieFL - yes I have told him, but not in such stark terms - hate is a strong word. He knows they are not my favourite - that I like more creature comforts than him, and that I get frustrated at the lack of wm. I have said I'd like to try something different, but we are both busy working full time and I just don't get time to look for holidays, and so he does think its better to have something booked than nothing at all.
I haven't voiced my dislike of cooking all the time perhaps as strongly as I could/should (sometimes I don't mind cooking a family meal - its just where you're doing it - and a meal out would be nice sometimes).
They are interesting properties - I guess I'm just not as into all the history and architecture of the place as he is - I like to see the local area more.
He did tell me pretty sheepishly about the bookings, which signifies he knows this wasn't his best move...!

Landmark Trust have some amazing houses. I think you're underselling them

But I agree with others that - (1) it's not just up to DH to decide (2) no reason for you to do all the cooking / laundry

I agree with other people's suggestions of cancelling some and keeping others. If you tell us where in the country they are maybe we could suggest some good days out and child friendly activities nearby?

Obviously he shouldn't have booked without asking you but I've always wanted to stay in Landmark Trust property - some lovely properties in amazing locations 😍

Yes, this. About 15 is about too many!

Does he know how you feel?

I agree to let him twice the kids and you go off with your friends. he will soon get fed up when he’s doing the washing and cooking. You have tried talking to him and he just ignores you, so it’s time for actions not words.

Also why does he have so much more spare time than you to look for holidays ? Surely you split housework /childcare / wifework 50:50?

take the kids

He can take the kids...you can book a spa.
Problem solved!

What a selfish knobber. Him, not you. Get yourself a holiday for one booked somewhere nice and he can the kids to the nice building. Actually poor kids!

I love Landmarks, but agree on creature comforts. If you want to meet somewhere in the middle could you suggest National Trust Cottages? They are often as architecturally interesting as Landmarks, but are much better on washing machines/dishwashers/microwaves and internet.

@R0BYN - we are both self-employed, so work goes up and down. And we have a nanny who does most of the "wife work" (although weekly shop, children's clothes, school things generally fall to me). I seem to find myself busier at work than him - more committees, after work dinners/drinks, etc. I obviously spend too much time on Mumsnet/FB/similar too! And booking Landmarks is not time-consuming whereas hunting for other holidays to suit the whole family is...
@sevenbyseven and @notanothertakeaway - I agree, some Landmarks are lovely - we have stayed in towers and castles and cottages. But I think I am Landmarked out! ...and there was a resident mouse in one Landmark, which put me off going back to that one for life!

You need to tell him what you’ve told us.

Speaking as someone who works as a building historian but cant afford to holiday in one (let alone live in one) I say you are definitely not being unreasonable.

Is he usually a complete twat?

If you are self employed, I would suggest at least one of these holidays should co-incide with a work surge, he takes the kids and you stay home.

But, ya know. You do need to tell him. Both what you don't want, and what you want.

I would not go. He can take the kids and do all the cooking and washing if he wants to.
And I would book somewhere I wanted to go and have a great relaxing time on my own 😁

Funnily enough, I've just paid a friend the remaining balance for our latest Landmark Trust holiday (Belmont in Lyme Regis, John Fowles' former home). I am a fan BUT I would never recommend for a family holiday. The cooking facilities can be primitive, there is no washing machine - and no TV or wifi! We go with friends who are architecture fans and it's lovely, but I just can't imagine how you amuse your children. (and yes, I have seen the visitors' books where there are beautifully pressed flowers and carefully cut out drawings which apparently Tarquin and Tabitha have produced....)

Gosh that sounds awful , not just the lack of regard for your feelings but the sheer volume and cost of them.

At least he's being sheepish. Cancel what you can and you pick something everyone else will enjoy. I get he doesn't like busy hotels, but there are lots of in between options available.

This is very cavalier behaviour on his part. If you are going on holiday with someone, there should be a discussion about where to go and where to stay, and if you can't agree, you take it in turns to decide.

@ancientand - that made me laugh! We did have one low particularly low point where it was throwing it down with rain, the landmark was cold save for one room where we built an enormous log fire, and the children ended up using the jenga bricks to make a model building... slightly stir crazy after that holiday...! (Ours are not of the Tabitha and Tarquin mould...)

This sounds like my idea of hell. Do the kids enjoy it?

I'd cancel the ones you can and sort something out for a significantly and nicer holiday. Or leave him. Your choice.

I suggest research the local to the Landmark area and book at least a couple of pub meals out for each venue.

Wtf? Selfish, unimaginative, and lazy - that's your h. At least he's sheepish about them - but that didn't stop him booking, did it? 🙄

And why on earth do you do all the wife work and cooking on holiday? And of course you earn more and work harder the rest of the year...

Where do all these useless men spawn from??

I'd cancel the holidays. Booking holidays should be a joint experience. You should discuss where to go and make the decision together.

If he doesn't like people, then why not book a villa with pool in France or Spain?? Plenty of gorgeous buildings to look around, but some sun and luxury for you and the Dc.

Landmark cottages look appealing, but are not really set up for family holidays. A farmstay or properly equipped holiday cottage would be more comfortable. Also, insist on accommodation within walking range of a family-friendly pub and eating most of your meals there.

I've not come across LP before so had a nosey - fuck me they're expensive considering it's self-catering in mainly fairly primitive interior (albeit in nice buildings). It sounds like a fun thing to do occasionally but main family holiday with kids or worse 5 times - hell no! I'd be cancelling most, leave one for just DH & DC and then see how much he enjoys self-catering whilst you book into a spa or go on a girls' weekend someone lavish.

How does this work?

Darling, i've booked a boring hovel for us to stay in
Great! I'll crack on with the cooking, cleaning and laundry and i'll entertain the kids

No is a one word sentence.

You're not going. Find a family member or friend, nanny and holiday with them. OH can potter around dank castles to his hearts content.

My OH did some legs of the round the world sailing race. Baby and I stayed home