Unhappy that my husband has booked our holiday for next 18 months without consulting me

[CHE1982]

My husband loves old, architecturally interesting buildings. The Landmark Trust is therefore his go-to place for family holidays. So far, we've been on about 15 of them. They are popular, and so they book up quickly. But he told me the other day (our wedding anniversary in fact...) that he's booked 5 holidays up to the end of 2023, all at Landmark properties! I don't have a long list of other places to go to, but I find it so depressing and formulaic that these are the only places we visit. Plus, they are not necessarily in great locations - it is about the building rather than the location - so you end up pottering around a relatively unremarkable part of the UK. I enjoy a few creature comforts on holiday - embarrassed to say I quite like a washing machine! The children get covered in mud and I spend my holiday hand washing their clothes at a Landmark.... The cooking facilities are ok, but we seem to spend every holiday not eating out either - so I am cooking all holiday too. And then there are no soft carpets or luxurious blankets - a Landmark holiday is the kind when you need to remember to take your thermals and slippers :-) I think I am supposed to be grateful that my husband has organised our holidays and that is one less admin job to think about. But the truth is, I find it demoralising and depressing and holidays end up being the last thing I am looking for to..! AIBU? And any ideas for holidays that will interest my husband and children (8yo and 6yo)??

I’d get on to a travel counsellor type person and see if they can come up with a holiday you’d all like. Your husband isn’t keen on people or hotels - unfortunately for him that doesn’t mean he gets to avoid them forever. He could compromise and go to a hotel he just doesn’t want to

If you do manage to get abroad, and if you're all outdoorsy types (and he hates crowds), I recommend the Austrian lakes - Achensee is our favourite, I can recommend a (thoroughly modern, washing machine on the ground floor, bread delivered to the door each morning) small block of holiday apartments. My boys are 10 and 6 and love it there.

Overall, YANBU - you absolutely should make joint decisions about holidays. But we’ve been to lots of Landmarks and I’m pretty sure most / all of them have a washing machine! The one we stayed in this summer definitely did. So it’s worth checking which of the ones your DH booked do have one. Also they usually (always?) have a dishwasher, microwave, hob, oven, and much better kitchen equipment supplied than most self catering places. Eg pans and dishes that are the right size/quantity for the number of people staying, plenty of cutlery, plates, glasses etc.

However…I definitely wouldn’t want to go to five of them between now and the end of 2023. Given how expensive they are, you could easily afford to do fewer Landmarks in 2023 and go abroad at least once next year.

15!!!! That's too much even for me.
We've done a few long weekends, that's enough for the memory to seer itself. And they are expensive, equally interesting places are easier to find now than ten years ago.
Have you done the Gothic Temple yet at Stowe? Freezing cold and the public kept peering in the windows even midweek during the winter. No pub nearby.

I'd be a bit more than unhappy OP. I'd have gone ballistic. How dare he book all these so-called "holidays" without consulting you?

Tell him you refuse to go, so he either cancels, or he can go on his own with the kids.

He sounds a selfish pig. IF you go, let him do the cooking and washing. Frankly, I’d have laughed in his face if I was presented with this.

How about a canal boat holiday, plenty of heritage, movement and a pub dinner each night.

That would infuriate me, and I certainly wouldn't be going.

He can take the kids, you stay at home - let him deal with the chaos.

Is he usually selfish?

Insist he cancel some. You choose the next holiday (with whatever luxuries you want) and then take it in turns.

Make sure you impress on him that he doesn't get the choice to book these trips without telling you, he's part of a family where everyone gets a say and these Landmark visits (I'm reticent to call it a holiday) are his hobby, not something that anyone else enjoys.

Cheeky git.

YAN even a small bit U but on top of that why are you doing all the cooking & washing while on holiday anyway?

I'm biased, I live in Pembrokeshire!
So I also suggest here! Head more North though...., it's much better *cough!

And ofcourse tell your DH no more booking anything without consulting you-~ he sounds so self absorbed tbh, also, unless he splits the cooking and washing- Dont do it yourself!!!

Agree!

Also, I live in Pembrokeshire so recommend here too...head North though.., it's much better *cough

How selfish! Basically he's saying that no-one else can have a say in the holidays and you must all do as he decides?! I know you say he looked sheepish, so giving him the slight benefit of the doubt, he may have got a bit carried away with the availability, but there's no way you should do every single holiday based on his wishes alone.

I have never heard of Landmark Trust holiday though - they sound intriguing!

Apologies for double post!

In all seriousness OP, it's boorish behaviour and something that you need to put a stop to. I'd go on a couple and let him take the kids alone for the others to make a point.

I have never heard of these, I've just googled, they look quite nice, and cheap!

But still completely agree OP that he's ridiculous to book all of your holidays without consultation. Make him cancel some or go by himself with the DC!

Hahaha. No.

All inclusive in the sun for you. Book it now!

I don’t get why you are thinking so hard about compromise. I’d say I think you know you’ll enjoy these and I won’t so it’s not really a holiday for me? Nothing about going to a boring part of the uk and cooking every day which you never seem to volunteer for and doing washing on ancient set ups which you also don’t seem to do is fun for me so it’s not a holiday. Here’s the deal: I’m not going to the first one, I’d like to cancel c & d, we can keep the Pembrokeshire one and the other one. And by I’d like to cancel I mean I’m not going on them either, hopefully your discovery of parenting in these places with the first one is enlightening.

I mean, what comfort is it that he looks sheepish if he just gets away with it and you have shitty
holidays?? Let this be the moment you cease to be the cook and cleaner for holidays in general when your husband is there too and also a functioning adult.

The first one is the key one to not go on. The earlier the point is made the more useful it is!!

A lot of my friends with dc the same age as yours have accepted that they can't have their ideal holidays right now - instead they go to family friendly places and will do the more grown up things they want when their kids are older.

I think your DH is very selfish. Will he cancel them happily when you discuss this?
DH & I don't have dc to consider but our ideas of a perfect holiday are very different so we compromise - our trips include things we both like. I think that's normal.

If you need to find alternatives, have a think about what your children like. Beaches? Holiday park? Hunting the Loch Ness monster? Plan your trips around that - in those types of places there are usually some nice buildings for your H and creature comforts for you, as well as easy places to go for food etc.

Fuck that for a holiday! Just say NO MORE. He’ll just have to cancel them. Kids want a beach, a swimming pool and childrens’ activities. You want a holiday from cooking and clearing up. Go sort!

@CHE1982 Have you been to Jersey? We've been many times and our kids love it. It has beautiful beaches, water sports, indoor climbing and trampolining, crazy golf, a decent arcade, an adventure play farm, go-ape type tree trekking, bike hire etc. Plus day trips to St Malo or other Channel Islands.

There are also two great castles, war tunnels, museums, lots of war bunkers etc. Jersey Heritage rent out some really interesting old buildings as holiday lets. You can even rent out a little cottage in one of the castles.

Well quite! He hates crowds - so you only need to book 15 holidays to crowded locations before you’ve had a fair allocation of fun for you but crappy for him holidays. Ask what he’d think if you booked rome
and the riviera in peak season for the next two holidays.

I’d hit the fucking roof and he would be cancelling/going to them all alone/with the kids.

Any further Landmark properties - the condition is that he feeds and launders the children.

I can't believe you've put up with this FIFTEEN times

Get him to book you onto Lundy Island.

Landmark properties which are in a very different location.