Unhappy that my husband has booked our holiday for next 18 months without consulting me

[CHE1982]

My husband loves old, architecturally interesting buildings. The Landmark Trust is therefore his go-to place for family holidays. So far, we've been on about 15 of them. They are popular, and so they book up quickly. But he told me the other day (our wedding anniversary in fact...) that he's booked 5 holidays up to the end of 2023, all at Landmark properties! I don't have a long list of other places to go to, but I find it so depressing and formulaic that these are the only places we visit. Plus, they are not necessarily in great locations - it is about the building rather than the location - so you end up pottering around a relatively unremarkable part of the UK. I enjoy a few creature comforts on holiday - embarrassed to say I quite like a washing machine! The children get covered in mud and I spend my holiday hand washing their clothes at a Landmark.... The cooking facilities are ok, but we seem to spend every holiday not eating out either - so I am cooking all holiday too. And then there are no soft carpets or luxurious blankets - a Landmark holiday is the kind when you need to remember to take your thermals and slippers :-) I think I am supposed to be grateful that my husband has organised our holidays and that is one less admin job to think about. But the truth is, I find it demoralising and depressing and holidays end up being the last thing I am looking for to..! AIBU? And any ideas for holidays that will interest my husband and children (8yo and 6yo)??

Why not announce your own unilateral decision? . Henceforth, YOU do not cook on holiday. All meals with be eaten in restaurants or home- delivered hot from local takeaways. The only part you take, is compiling a list of local eateries, caterers and takeaway services for each Landmark property. From your list, the family will order all meals and DH pays .

Isn't there a couple of Italian landmark trust places? Be careful you don't end up in a huge, decaying mansion with no air con or swimming pool.

I don't think it is that you like your creature comforts more than him - he clearly still gets them at these landmark places while you are washing and cooking! He needs to take his fair share of you do still go on a couple of them.

In my experience kids of that age (and older!) need beaches and activities and outdoor running around stuff interspersed with the worthy cultural stuff.

What would be your ideal holiday OP? Put down some thoughts and I’m sure you’ll get some ideas which don’t involve Landmarks!!

Put him on laundry & cooking duties.

I hadn’t heard of landmark trust and just googled and looked at a few properties - I love history and interesting buildings and they look amazing! 🥰. Will def look at these as well as air B and B for our next UK holiday. HOWEVER, I know that’s not the point, so no you are not being unreasonable as no way should he have booked the next 5 holidays without consulting you, and you also shouldn’t be doing all the cooking and laundry on holiday 🤷‍♀️. Now, off to book the next two years work of holidays…joking!

Goodness me. That man is an island?? Thinks only of himself??

I have a saying for self-catering holidays "same shit, different shovel" - or did I find that on here, probably here, yes.

Anyway, yes, you must eat out at least ONCE on holiday or else it's not a holiday. And hand-washing?? Say what?? Are in the 1800s??

He needs a good talking to and setting new boundaries. When things have got this bad I've said to DH I'm staying at home - you take the kids and I'll just have a nice rest here without all of you in my hair.

Then HE can do the hand-washing, he can do all the cooking and you can book yourself a nice spa and some meet ups with friends and nice lunches OUT, that you won't be cooking.

Check the Spanish Paradores. They are very comfortable, have great restaurants and the buildings are amazing: castles. old palaces, monasteries. Avila or Chinchón for instance are easily accessible by train from Madrid

Not wanting to throw the cat amongst the pigeons, but if mine did that I'd be over the moon. Considering what I get is three nights in a caravan in Berwick in November with kids to entertain without the comforts of home......

Selfish miserable twat.
tell him no more, he’s had his turn for long enough.

Just to add, he booked this without asking either. The first I knew of it was when he emailed me the confirmation.... Also, of course you are right to be annoyed he's done all of this.

Tell him that's nice dear', hope you enjoy them and book yourself somewhere fun or whatever for you and the kids.

Selfishband disrespectful OP.

Not nice qualities at all.

He's wrong and selfish to book these without talking to you. But perhaps you also need to start being involved. You said yourself if left up to you then holidays don't get booked because you don't have time to think about it ( and you're busier than him due to after work dinner and drinks). Maybe stop leaving it all up to him

ha! I love a Landmark (well, lots of Landmarks), but we NEVER went when the children were small, exactly for the washing machine reason. And you're right, they can be in rubbish locations.

So: 1. say 1 landmark per year, no more, and not for a whole week. They're great for the inside of a week/long weekend, but no washing machine is a serious pain for longer.

1. cancel most of the booked ones. It's a £30 cancellation fee if you are more than 6 months out, so just do that.
2. find some other fun things to do/places to stay: there are lovely interesting places in Canopy and Stars, National Trust cottages, and the overseas Landmarks really are special.
3. this isn't for you, but for the mouse-poster above (can't remember who): i have been guilty of feeding the pygmy shrews that live in some of the Lundy properties, I just love them...

Are you saying he doesn't cook or wash clothes?

Yes that's way too many of the same type of holiday. Can you book a few nicer ones and cancel 2 or 3 of the landmark ones?

OP is your OH this controlling in other areas of your life?

I can't imagine booking a family holiday without discussing it with my OH- and he wouldn't book one without speaking to me.
Things like holidays are a joint decision.

It is very disrespectful to book a holiday- knowing that it wouldn;t be your choice.
I am assuming he knows of your feelings?

Dh for 2 years in a row booked Brighton Grand Hotel,

When he suggested a week in Brighton for a 3rd year I said no.

I have been in charge of booking holidays since.

We have been to to Disneyland Florida and California, Vegas, Spain, Egypt, France and all over. Only ever been to Spain twice (but that was to a different area.

Really want to do Rome, Barcelona and Caribbean as the next few

Lundy could definitely work for a short break with kids, provided that they are outdoor-type kids. There's a shop and a tavern so you don't have to cook at all if you don't want to. But you should be aware that the trip starts with a two-hour ferry ride over a frequently choppy stretch of water and a very stiff uphill walk from the quay.

That sounds horrendous. Tell him to bugger off!!

Leave him to it with the kids and take yourself off for a quiet week in the sun.

I have a similar husband...

What we have ended up compromising on though is that we will always go for a more 'architecturally interesting' property over the bog standard cheapest that we can get on e.g. air bnb. We have stayed in c17th farm houses, peel towers in the Borders etc - you get this idea, but in areas where there are lots of things to do. That way he gets his old building fix, and we get stuff to do outside of it! We did look at LT but for us was too expensive and not enough creature comforts (I insist on dishwasher and washing machine, I don't go on holiday to do more work that I do at home)

Even when we go abroad it's the same principles - next summer we are going to a c17th rebuilt manor house in France (which obvs comes with a pool, dw and wm) and we will all be happy.

The price difference is not normally as much as you think it may be either, between these architecturally more interesting places and the more 'concrete box' type ones (no offense to concrete boxes of course!)

Why do you do all the laundry and cooking?

What would he say if you arrived at the cottage and then turned to him and said, 'What's for dinner, dear? Hope it's something good as we're all starving?'

I'd be tempted to start going on some looong solo walks, stopping for a nice pub lunch, leaving him with the DC to entertain. Tell him you're training for something or other.

So he's booked himself a string of holidays and is taking you along as nanny, cook, cleaner etc. How lovely! What a fantastic treat for you. You can do everything you do at home only with less facilities and comfort and probably no input from him . What's not to love?! 🙄

Find the local spa, book yourself in for a few day-packages of treatments and relaxing, then leave him with the DC those days. Eat out unless he wants to cook, offer to cook once but that's it. It's supposed to be a holiday. No washing, take enough clothes and leave the dirty washing until you're home and expect him to help with it. Make him cancel at least one of these holidays in favour of somewhere you actually want to go. He's really taking the piss and he knows it.

I agree completely, @2bazookas - and henceforth @CHE1982 doesn't do any handwashing of muddy clothes either!!

How depressing!!! I would be having serious words as these are family holidays not just indulgent tris for him.