Unhappy that my husband has booked our holiday for next 18 months without consulting me

[CHE1982]

My husband loves old, architecturally interesting buildings. The Landmark Trust is therefore his go-to place for family holidays. So far, we've been on about 15 of them. They are popular, and so they book up quickly. But he told me the other day (our wedding anniversary in fact...) that he's booked 5 holidays up to the end of 2023, all at Landmark properties! I don't have a long list of other places to go to, but I find it so depressing and formulaic that these are the only places we visit. Plus, they are not necessarily in great locations - it is about the building rather than the location - so you end up pottering around a relatively unremarkable part of the UK. I enjoy a few creature comforts on holiday - embarrassed to say I quite like a washing machine! The children get covered in mud and I spend my holiday hand washing their clothes at a Landmark.... The cooking facilities are ok, but we seem to spend every holiday not eating out either - so I am cooking all holiday too. And then there are no soft carpets or luxurious blankets - a Landmark holiday is the kind when you need to remember to take your thermals and slippers :-) I think I am supposed to be grateful that my husband has organised our holidays and that is one less admin job to think about. But the truth is, I find it demoralising and depressing and holidays end up being the last thing I am looking for to..! AIBU? And any ideas for holidays that will interest my husband and children (8yo and 6yo)??

WTF?! Are you in a supposedly equal relationship OP or is he the boss of you? Because that first bit read like asking your boss for a meeting to discuss the reasons why you think you should have a pay rise.

His response was not good. It's passive aggressive. Makes out like you having any kind of say in the matter is him doing you a favour.

Discussion of the big things shouldn't create conflict. It should be a civilised respectful discussion that ends in compromise from both parties and a solution. That's all. What you really mean, I suspect, is that if you raise issues he gets grumpy or cross, sulks, starts an argument, starts listing all the ways you should be grateful, starts listing all the faults you have that means he really deserves the holidays he wants...or any of the other myriad ways men have of silencing their partners whenever they can't get their own way.

This isn't really about a holiday, it's about his sense of entitlement and selfishness.

With your last update OP, I'd suggest that he keeps one more of the holidays and he goes alone with the DCs "as they enjoy it so much". That will give him a real insight into what being the adult on one of these "holidays " is actually like, or they enjoy it so much it becomes their tradition.

Either way it gives you leeway to take the DCs to a holiday of your choosing. I'd suggest somewhere with a kids club and a spa.

He emailed back extolling the virtues of the booked properties and telling me the children liked these kinds of properties too

I would test that statement out.

Line them up and tell them they can pick only one holiday. The choice is between Land mark trust property and…., Disney land Now hands up who wants to go to Land mark. Now hands up to Disneyland

I would say if the children enjoy those holidays then he can take them. You are going to Italy for a few days. If any of the children want to join you then you will book for them as well.

Personally I refuse to go on any holiday we have been on twice before. Dh has learned over the years I can love a holiday but don’t ask me to do it 3 times.
I get bored very very quickly.

Glad most of those holidays are getting cancelled.

Make him do the cooking and washing of muddy clothes by hand.

I dont think every holiday has to suit the whole family. The last however many holidays have been based around one persons interests and not taken into account everyone else's. Everyone should take a turn. You see families doing things around the kids preferences all the time, as if you have young kids and they are happy then it's more of a break for the parents. So stop trying to pick somewhere that he loves as well as you, as he hasn't bothered doing that.

I have a friend who's entire childhood hobbies were based around her dad's hobby. Her dad has a disproportionate influence on her life now and it's not nice to see, for example she is in a career she doesn't seem to enjoy as it's one her dad would have approved of, she did a uni course that she didn't enjoy because her dad suggested it, he has strong opinions about every aspect of her life that she seems to listen to against her actual preferences, from when she should have kids to what she should serve for food at her wedding. I suspect it's not that the two things are directly connected but more that it's all symptoms of how domineering he is in the family and how his opinion was the only one that counted when she was growing up

*holidays were based around her dads hobbies, that should say