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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

State vs independent school open days

318 replies

user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 08:57

Please tell me if I’m BU…

Looking at secondary schools. Have been to 3 independent school open mornings, 3 more to look at. Each school has sent an itinerary of the morning and a clear email so we know what to expect (really helpful when deciding if the children should come or not - not all tours have activities for younger siblings but some do).

Also trying to look at two state options but they have one fixed open evening and that’s it. No flexibility. No option for a smaller tour mid week, no option to speak to a member of staff outside that one evening.

The state schools are over subscribed and so I understand that they don’t massively need to “sell” themselves. But the independent schools are massively oversubscribed too and yet are happy to make time for children and parents to work out which school is the best fit.

Also, all the independent schools have their open days on Saturdays. Which means that most parents can actually make it with some notice.

Just a bit pissed off and needed a rant. I absolutely cannot choose a school based on a rushed evening visit without the chance to ask questions properly.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/10/2022 09:12

user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:06

But tell me. How can I choose a school based on one open evening with hundreds of other parents so I can’t have more than a hurried chat with anyone? That’s crackers.

Depends on whether you need a hard sales pitch to make decisions that are worth tens of thousands to a business masquerading as a charity or not, I suppose.

SoupDragon · 10/10/2022 09:14

I would like 15 minutes to ask questions without being rushed.

multiply that by the number of parents attending and divide by the number of staff who are able to answer your questions.

Topgub · 10/10/2022 09:14

Have you asked either of the state schools if they can accommodate those things?

ErrolTheDragon · 10/10/2022 09:14

user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:11

I don’t want/need a brochure, a cappuccino or a bag with the school logo. I would like some time to hear a talk from the head and a chance to speak to a few key members of staff. I would like to speak to learning support about how they cope with children with dyslexia, I would like to speak to someone about GCSE options and I would like to speak to someone about pastoral care (assuming none of this is covered in detail by the main talk). I would like 15 minutes to ask questions without being rushed.

So now multiply the time you'd like to spend with these various members of staff by the number of parents attending - which is likely to be a multiple of the number of places. Do the maths.

AntlerRose · 10/10/2022 09:15

Have you actually been to the open evenings yet?

I managed to find out all those things and didnt feel rushed.

TimeSlipMushroom · 10/10/2022 09:15

user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:11

I don’t want/need a brochure, a cappuccino or a bag with the school logo. I would like some time to hear a talk from the head and a chance to speak to a few key members of staff. I would like to speak to learning support about how they cope with children with dyslexia, I would like to speak to someone about GCSE options and I would like to speak to someone about pastoral care (assuming none of this is covered in detail by the main talk). I would like 15 minutes to ask questions without being rushed.

Wait till you hear about state school parents' evenings. You won't be getting 15 minutes then either! 😂

ReeseWitherfork · 10/10/2022 09:16

I have friends who’ve worked at private schools leave because of how demanding the hours are. Most Saturdays are expected for something going on. Shame really, good teachers. And leaving because the hours at state schools are better speaks volumes (when you consider how overworked teachers there are too!)

Original poster
user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:17

@NeverDropYourMooncup 😂😂😂
Im not easily swayed by sales pitches. I look at the facilities, results etc as all parents do but I also like to be able to spend some time chatting to students and teachers and see what the general feel is like. All the schools were seeing have current students who I know (via their parents). But I am really shocked by the difference between the approaches.

Also, bearing in mind I have children at a state primary and at an independent prep school. The state primaries were so much more welcoming when I was looking at that stage. Wasn’t such a huge gulf between the state and prep open mornings!

OP posts:
Original poster
user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:18

@Topgub I have asked and they said no. They are happy to speak once my child has been offered a place but not before. With SEN I think it’s really vital that I speak before accepting places!
@AntlerRose not the state ones, no.

OP posts:
Topgub · 10/10/2022 09:18

All parents don't look at facilities/results etc

Your expectations are ott imo

ErrolTheDragon · 10/10/2022 09:18

Primary schools typically have a smaller intake, with parents likely to be considering schools with shorter travel time than secondaries.

Topgub · 10/10/2022 09:19

They said no

Yeah they've probably got the red flags up already

🤣

goldenbag · 10/10/2022 09:19

Just send them independent. You sound like you'll end up doing that anyway and just want validation.

It depends which way you look at things. I find it more depressing that so many people think slick PR and charm equates to excellence in education.

goldenbag · 10/10/2022 09:20

And...what @Topgub said.

Original poster
user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:20

@TimeSlipMushroom we don’t get 15 minutes in our prep school parents evenings either. Or state. But both schools will happily arrange a meeting time if I need one. At the moment I’m equally happy with both schools which is why I was so surprised by the difference in state/independent at the looking stage for secondary.

Our state primary class teachers have been just as lovely and helpful as the prep class teachers. Most terms I don’t need any extra time with them but if I do need to discuss something that’s never a problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:22

@Topgub parents don’t look at facilities and results? Really?

also, no, they don’t have “red flags” up. I have been nothing but polite as asked to speak to the head of learning support. That’s all.

OP posts:
Original poster
user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:23

@goldenbag I’m completely unswayed by slick school PR. I’m swayed by quality of teaching, facilities, ethos of a school, quality of pastoral care and how happy the children are. Please don’t patronise me.

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · 10/10/2022 09:23

Vastly more expensive option offers better “service.”
You may also be surprised to hear the pope is Catholic

Original poster
user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:23

@ErrolTheDragon good point

OP posts:
Original poster
user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:25

@Lastqueenofscotland2 yeah. Obviously. My best friends child has a 100% bursary at our prep school though and she and her child get the same level of “service” with no fee. Which is as it should be.

OP posts:
HappyAsASandboy · 10/10/2022 09:25

user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:06

But tell me. How can I choose a school based on one open evening with hundreds of other parents so I can’t have more than a hurried chat with anyone? That’s crackers.

You have to make the best decision you can with the information you've got.

It is far from a perfect system. I know from experience that you get more support with it through the private system (because ultimately you're paying for that support ....).

Getoff · 10/10/2022 09:26

user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:11

I don’t want/need a brochure, a cappuccino or a bag with the school logo. I would like some time to hear a talk from the head and a chance to speak to a few key members of staff. I would like to speak to learning support about how they cope with children with dyslexia, I would like to speak to someone about GCSE options and I would like to speak to someone about pastoral care (assuming none of this is covered in detail by the main talk). I would like 15 minutes to ask questions without being rushed.

I don't know about state schools, but the average London private school has several applicants for each place. So 15 minutes to each potential parent for each place would work out at about 2 hours per place. Say there are 60 places, that's 120 hours of one-to-one time. I guess that could be divided among more than one staff member, but I think it might still work out at more than can be accommodated in an open day.

(I think popular London state secondaries have similar competition for places. Only mentioning London because that's my experience.)

Original poster
user55875537986543 · 10/10/2022 09:27

Look, I don’t expect the same level of “slickness” but I do expect schools to offer parents the chance to make an informed choice for their child. Obviously for some people there is no choice because of very tight catchments. But the two state schools I’m looking at I know we would be very likely to get so I do have choice. For which I’m grateful!

OP posts:
Worthyornot · 10/10/2022 09:29

We are currently doing independent school open days and it has been such an experience. Yes you are the paying customer but I do think having such an open and welcoming approach makes it easier as what to expect. We were able to chat to the Head, head teachers of every department, current students were presenting the tours and much more. Quite honestly I'm in NW London and there is no shortage of people affected by the COL, the schools places are in demand and don't really need to make such an effort. All are held on Saturdays, which meant both dh and I could attend and share our thoughts on what we felt about the school. My ds also attended and they had lots of engaging activities planned so we could also get his opinion.

LunaLoveLemon · 10/10/2022 09:30

Thai is literally why people pay for private school isn’t it?