Another woman wearing DH’s shirt

[hidadsoup]

Old friend of DH and his partner have been staying with us. She has done some washing and included my DH shirt in it, then has worn it because she liked it. I think this crosses boundaries and it made me uncomfortable, but AIBU?

yabu - it’s not big deal
yanbu - it’s not on

Whatever it is, they sound horrible.

She is defo overstepping the mark here.she fancies dh and he is flattered.who on earth would wear a friends shirt ffs ! Male or female.

The shirt thing is irritating and disturbing.
The drinks thing is rude. I'd probably tell them it's rude too.
The visits thing is a husband problem and I would be saying you should all go together for fun times and see what he says.

I would say " please give my husband's shirt back. It's weird and too familiar" and see what she says.

Brilliant!!! 😂😂😂

The days out thing should stop, too. She’s not here alone, she has a partner to spend fun days out with. The more I think about this whole thing, the weirder it/she sounds.

Everything @MsDogLady said.

I wouldn’t have been in the ‘every woman is a potential Other Woman’ camp suggested above, but for the OP’s update.

This woman has settled into OP’s home and is playing queen bee and sidelining OP, with the two men complicit in that. I may be reaching here, but is she presenting herself as the ‘cool girl’? Fun, outgoing, unencumbered by kids?

DH is prioritising her/them because he wants to, not because he’s too stupid to read social signals - and he’ll have been flattered by the shirt stunt, which was a definite power move on her part. There may be nothing going on between them, but they’re both enjoying the dynamic and getting something from it.

The whole thing is blatantly disrespectful and hurtful to OP, but I can see how it’s difficult to broach with him because there is so little tangible ‘evidence’ for OP’s feelings, and he could easily choose to get defensive, putting even more distance between her and the three of them.

The one fact he can’t deny is that he’s spending more time and money on these people than his own wife and child, and it’s hardly like they’re visiting for a few days. They’re living here for 5 months rent free, so surely they can sort out their own activities? I’d insist that he makes an effort to redress the balance, and schedules plenty of things for you to do exclusively as a family for the remainder of their time here, especially on weekends.

Power play. Trying to rile you up. Subtle as a brick.

Really good, insightful posts by @EnjoythemoneyJane and @MsDogLady

So not only are they disrespectful to you but so is your husband.

Your dh doesn't sound like he's treating you well. Is there a reason you haven't lost your shit at them still being there and your husbands behavior? I'd have left tbh.

It also sounds like your dh bad mouths you to them, hence them thinking they can treat you like shit.

At the very least it is very disrespectful to everyone in the house in which she is a guest and in relation to whom she is not blood related/she is not in a relationship with.
It is also likely to be seen by many people as quasi flirtatious (even if she and your husband think that was not the intention).

I do have friends whose partner's jumpers I would 'borrow' from their washing pile (without asking) if I was visiting and it was cold but we are extremely close and I know that no one would care.

On the flip side if it was someone I didn't know well or if I didn't know if they'd be ok with it I most certainly wouldn't.

Make sure it doesn’t fall into hr suitcase when they leave…

Your update makes me wonder if they are involved in a ménage. The SS is being deliberately provocative but it sounds like her DP is always there too.

For whatever reason, your H is excluding you and is central to this weird dynamic. Why on earth wouldn’t you and your DS also be part of these days out they are all so keen on? He’s either ‘up to no good’ or is actively avoiding parenting.

It sounds like your husband has been complaining to them about you, feeding them stories so the narrative is 'poor me, wife evil' so they are showing they side with your DH by ignoring you. They think they are being loyal and friendly to him. Are you a SAHM? They might think he controls the purse strings so they have to be nice to him. I know you say DH but it is sometimes shorthand for people who are long term partners.. if you aren't legally married maybe in their culture you are just a girlfriend? You say DS but is it his bio son?
Such a sweet deal to come to a different country, be housed, paid for convenient interesting work AND have your boss/landlord as your kind tourist guide. What a sweet deal! The boundaries are getting too blurred this is why you need distance, work and home life should not mix.
If you have a better lifestyle than the shirt stealer she might a piece of the pie and to have your husband for herself... stealing more than his shirt. He might be flattered and like the attention.
There has been stories about Ukrainian refugees shackling up with the British man... don't underestimate the power of spending so much time together.. you can bond very very quickly.

92% of MN so far agree this is odd (the others pressed the wrong button or perhaps posting in their DH friend’s shirt). I would get the shirt back (and hide it!), since it has sentimental value.
Annoying about the castles etc, but that’s no reflection on your relationship with DH, he’s doing that presumably because they are guests, particularly overseas visitors. He’s obviously trying to compensate for her behaviour, being attentive with the coffee etc.
More seriously the situation is making you feel uncomfortable in your own home, I don’t suspect any kind of affair, but there is a lack of respect at best, verging on bullying at worst. They need to leave ASAP, they have outstayed their welcome. The project needs to wrap up or be put on hold while your DH deals with another project or you might have some type of family emergency that needs your attention.

She is asserting her authority in you house. She is showing you she can put your husband on and throw him away whenever she likes.

I wouldn’t play her game anymore. Tell her to fuck off and get out your house.

Ffs the drama is strong in this one. Lol

op, she’s not the issue, the issue is your husband prefers them and is very cosy and good friends with them and blanking uou guys.

OP I think you need to tell your husband that these people have over stepped the mark. If he won't listen he is adding to your distress.
I wouldn't offer anymore hospitality. I hope you have your own money. We British offer too much stiff upper lip.
Do you have a close friend or sister? If so I would invite her round for supper (without the others, hell I'd have a girls party) and let her give this wench the evil eye. You need to get your big girl pants on and get shirty!

The shirt thing wouldn't bother me in isolation, I just don't see it how everyone else seems to see it, and if she was flirting with my DH I'd probably find it funny because I'm very secure with DH.

But, the whole situation seems strange altogether.

I would just ask her to take it off. Politely and Immediately

Well the good thing about all of this is that they're gone by mid November which is fairly soon.

Are they more your DH's friends than yours? Did SS fancy/have a fling with your DH at some point?

Definitely talk to DH about this and tell him it's not on, the general behaviour, but from my POV if you go out with them again and they don't include you on drinks I'd have to be PA and ask why they've omitted you.

I could see (annoying though) why they might see this 'job' as a part holiday.

Update makes it worse. Is her DP a cuckold and gets off on his wife flirting with other men? It's more common than you'd think... Or her DP doesn't care they're having a fling because he's getting work from DH.

Whatever it is, your DH isn't being respectful to you. Not wanting to take his wife and kids along to activities he's planned with them is odd. Not telling her off for being rude and not offering you a coffee is odd. Not caring that another woman is wearing his shirt is odd. Doing things for them he's never done for you and the kids is odd.

But you know this. Unless you're in an open relationship, you're unknowingly participating in some bizarro throuple. Surprised you're not kicking off about it as it's happening in YOUR home.

OH NO, one of these. She is playing the cool all powerful girl who "could" take your husband "if" she felt like it from under your nose. The partner is happy because he knows that she isn´t really after your DH but her "value" is higher because she could be with anyone but is with him. There is a certain type of latin American woman who gets off on these games. They speak to these men, at least in Spain, with their mealy Spanish, about how their man comes first yaddah yaddah and you see these guys just fall for it...When I met my husband he used to tell me about these, luckily for him they weren´t his type 😂