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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another woman wearing DH’s shirt

257 replies

hidadsoup · 09/10/2022 20:21

Old friend of DH and his partner have been staying with us. She has done some washing and included my DH shirt in it, then has worn it because she liked it. I think this crosses boundaries and it made me uncomfortable, but AIBU?

yabu - it’s not big deal
yanbu - it’s not on

OP posts:
Ithoughtthiswastherehearsal · 09/10/2022 22:58

She’s totally weird (or messing with your head).

Dunno about where she comes from but in the UK, you only wear a man’s clothes if you’re sleeping with them or want to be.

MsDogLady · 09/10/2022 23:12

Hidadsoup, I’m wondering where she found H’s shirt. Had she seen him wearing it? Was it laying in your room? Or did she plow through your dirty clothes basket?

MrsClatterbuck · 09/10/2022 23:16

MsDogLady · 09/10/2022 23:12

Hidadsoup, I’m wondering where she found H’s shirt. Had she seen him wearing it? Was it laying in your room? Or did she plow through your dirty clothes basket?

Was wondering this as well. If she was washing her own clothes how did she get hold of your dh's shirt.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 09/10/2022 23:22

Very strange thing to do
Did she go through the laundry basket?

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 09/10/2022 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I think you need to have a snickers. Wink

Friday123 · 09/10/2022 23:30

It's bizarre behaviour. I wouldn't even wear my close friends clothes without good reason (cold, spilt something), let alone a friend's partner's clothes. Does she usually have no concept of boundaries?

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/10/2022 23:32

Nope, the cultural trope of a woman wearing a man’s shirt after sex, a man lending her his tux after a posh night out, or the cheerleader wearing the quarterback’s varsity jacket are more common in the US not less so.

The US and Central America are culturally distinct. Massively in many ways. Belize, Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, and Panama. Not full of cheerleaders in varsity jackets IME. Although maybe a little more in CR and Panama.

SugarNspices · 09/10/2022 23:33

I just want to see how nice this shirt is now

TimeforZeroes · 09/10/2022 23:35

I dated a guy at university whose ex girlfriend came to the pub in his old shirt to very much make a statement.

ganvough · 09/10/2022 23:41

HA, how would she feel if you or any other woman wore her DP's shirt? Cultural difference is not relevant here if she would react badly if someone did it to her. In fact I have some Central American friends and have often been told that both men and women are more possessive of their partners in general and it's more acceptable to display it too. Also they are much more vocal when boundaries are crossed, so I highly doubt she would have done this to another Central American woman.

I would try wearing some of her DP's clothes and see how she reacts.

DaughterofDawn · 09/10/2022 23:55

I’m more irritated that your husband just shrugged it off and said it was not a big deal. What planet is he living on? The cultural differences does sound like it might explain things though especially since she offered to buy it. But it was a very stupid move and I wouldn’t be friendly to her until she has gone at least six months without raising any other red flags that she wants to fork my man.

ViolinPin · 09/10/2022 23:55

Rip that shirt off her back op

And then drag her and twizzle her round like Ann Widecome on the dancefloor.

That should sort her.

BatshitBanshee · 09/10/2022 23:55

DH just told me she just really liked the style and even offered to buy it from him, but he said he would never sell it as it was the shirt he wore when DS was born

If she didn't immediately take it off and say oh god I am so sorry here's your sentimental shirt back, she's nuts and fancies your DH. Nip that in the fucking bud.

thedogshatonthematt · 09/10/2022 23:56

Teenprobs · 09/10/2022 21:01

I just see.

Women not allowed to have children they can't afford so potentially only higher income families are having more kids (2 child benefit rule) but they want more kids to fill the labour jobs, but are keeping the benefit money under inflation for those who need it to top up their labour job wages. The same families Who are more likely to produce kids that will fill the labour jobs not the middle class.

And cutting income tax for more than 4 kids? Surely if you have 3 kids you're not earning a whole lot? Probably under the threshold a lot of the time?

So the woman is on benefits, which having not increased with inflation means she can’t afford her own clothes so has worn the husbands shirt?

interested angle, hadn’t thought of it like that 🤔

NotJustAnybody · 09/10/2022 23:59

Your drip feed update just makes it seem as if you are arguing with yourself. It's either acceptable to you or not.

ViolinPin · 09/10/2022 23:59

*So the woman is on benefits, which having not increased with inflation
means she can’t afford her own clothes so has worn the husbands shirt?

interested angle, hadn’t thought of it like that 🤔*

Yes it all makes perfect sense now 🤔

LazyLikeSundayMorning · 10/10/2022 00:01

It's both not that big a deal, but also YANBU as it is weird and overstepping a boundary. How much of a boundary depends on what their relationship used to be like, did the 3 of them live together as students perhaps? Is she continuing and easiness with him that while still weird isn't quite as weird due to the backstory?

No499 · 10/10/2022 00:12

It's weird but it wouldn't really bother me.

Mojo777 · 10/10/2022 00:45

She's a cheeky sod. Completely unacceptable behaviour in my opinion. I would be bloody fuming if someone did that in my home.

Charlize43 · 10/10/2022 00:59

My guess is that back in Central America she belongs to El Swingers Club...

Has she been giving you or your DH searching looks?

a1poshpaws · 10/10/2022 01:11

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/10/2022 22:33

Oh my god, it’s even worse - “definantly” 🤮

There's always one. A downer, a smart-arse, someone who's conceited and precious and doesn't care who they gratuitously hurt.

In this case, it's you @WomanStanleyWoman2

One assumes you never make typing errors?

Some people's brains work faster than their fingers, and so spelling errors occur. If the meaning of what they've typed is clear, only a thoroughly unpleasant person would try to denigrate/humiliate them.

That's you too, in case you didn't guess.

Timeforredwine · 10/10/2022 01:16

All so wrong, totally inappropriate, she fancies him for sure.

caringcarer · 10/10/2022 01:26

Before I married DH I occasionally used to wear his dressing gown when I stayed over. I've noticed my DS girlfriend was wearing DS PJ trousers when we arrived and they were cooking breakfast. It is an intimate thing to do. Could they be having an affair?

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/10/2022 01:30

Oh Lordy. Wouldn’t be happy with that at all. Feels like marking territory. Is there a backstory?

UniversalAunt · 10/10/2022 02:17

Shag-adjacent for sure.

If as a PP says, folk from SA are more comfortable expressing their ‘territorial’ or possessiveness, then wearing your DH’s shirt is her scenting him by proxy. It is just so ‘off’, a of her taking him as she pleases as & when.

Your discomfort is thwarted rage & indignation at this overstepping the boundaries of good manners & her making a move on him.

Where is DH’s friend on this matter? Can he not read the shirt buttons? Another man’s shirt on his partner’s back ?

It’s all a bit too intimate: your DH’s smelly shirt in with her wash, her taking it to wear as she pleases. After all, how would feel is she did the same with your underwear or clothes if she popped it in with her wash?

When we wear someone else’s clothes, we borrow something of them, we mark ourselves with their scents, their warmth, protection & security. We leave our scent & shape therein when we give the boyfriend’s jumper back.

Who hasn’t kept an item of clothing of some one we miss deeply, e.g. baby clothes, Mum’s favourite scarf that wafts her scent, Dad’s old jumper. Maybe it’s me?😉.

I agree with many, it’s shag-adjacent.