Another woman wearing DH’s shirt

[hidadsoup]

Old friend of DH and his partner have been staying with us. She has done some washing and included my DH shirt in it, then has worn it because she liked it. I think this crosses boundaries and it made me uncomfortable, but AIBU?

yabu - it’s not big deal
yanbu - it’s not on

Wierd

So gross bring it up at dinner and ask her husband how he feels about it

Loooool. 🤣🤣🤣
mice one.

It sounds like she doesn’t like you and is purposely snubbing you by not offering you drinks. Wearing your DH’s shirt is pointedly rude - her showing you’re bottom of the pile and she’s ‘top woman’ in your house.

I wouldn’t put up with it. Assert yourself. Buy the drinks but exclude her, wear her DP’s shirt and see what she says. It’s ok because you like it, right? Invite yourself on their trips and push her (figuratively) to one side. She’s walking over you and openly disrespecting you.

Weird to wear someone's clothes without permission and doubly wear to wear someone else's husband's clothes!!

This reminds me of a certain persian story that ended pretty nastily. #Amestris

She sounds like a tart and she knows EXACTLY what’s she’s doing!

he won’t make time to do things with me and DS.

SS and her H are aware of the lay of the land and see that you are at the bottom of your H’s loyalty hierarchy. He is complicit in your being blanked and disregarded. Indeed, he actually neglects you and DS. SS is taking advantage of this to play her games and flirt with him by finding and wearing his shirt, hoping to elicit a frisson between them.

You’re being treated like a marginalized outsider. What are you going to do about this, @hidadsoup?

This...or better yet, her husbands shirt

She's either purposely trying to piss u off or something is going on. It's weird
though! I'd be asking her directly why she would decide to do that!

@hidadsoup, oh how I wish women like you would see the red flags and take action. I would pull her aside, ask for the shirt and explain that your husband's clothing is off limits. Then, I would ask her to leave by a certain date. If you even have to tell her, there is a problem. No woman who respected you would do such a thing! She has designs on your husband. That is NOT innocent! Has your husband ever slept with this woman? I think the answer is yes! I would also get a Ring camera for the duration of her stay. This was NOT OK!

As DH what he would have thought if a single woman had done this when he was single. He would probably instantly recognized it at as flirting. It is flirting and probably done because she likes to use micro aggressions to wind people up. It may even be aimed at her own partner. Who knows? My guess is it is just what she does - definitely a nasty piece of work. I despise people who take advantage of other peoples good nature by pushing boundaries.

It's all been said really by now and I've pretty much read the whole thread. The only thing I would say, loud and clear is; TRUST YOUR GUT!!! I say this from experience and it's the most important thing I've learned in life.

I'm on the fence tbh. I have a few male friends and if staying over, would probably nick their t shirts. One I work with and he regularly raids my locker for a hoodie (and food) if its a day ending in Y cold in the store.

They're not staying over, they're living in the annex. Although why they're using op's washing machine is a bit of a mystery, tbf.

Both of them sound really rude and your DH isn't much better for encouraging it. I would definitely have spoken up about the drinks/coffee situations though

Op I feel so bloody angry for you.
It sounds like she doesn’t respect you at all and the not offering of drinks is so telling.
You are being disrespected in your own home and I’d be having words with HER and My husband as he’s letting this happen.
Who the fuck does she think she is.

Find something of HER husband’s and wear it.

Odd and rude!

I'm sure I've seen/heard of this too. Some (not all) Latin American women think that the typical English woman is quite plain, doesn't know how to dress/act/look after her body/face to keep a man (have definitely heard that first hand!) and they could do it way better. On the whole, they're generally not that interested in English men, but some do like to flirt to put their stamp on the man they're interested in, play games, it's quite confrontational but then can also be dialled back as 'Oh I didn't mean it, I was just playing/having fun'. If they did it with their fellow Latinas it'd develop into a cat fight, but they figure that most English women will accept it and not fight back.

@a1poshpaws

Indeed, in my case I never learn how to spell in the first place my generation were told it didn't matter

I think again, given the update - I'd definitely have a word with DH and say that her behaviour isn't on, nor the paying for only his and their drinks when out and you want some improvement if they're to stay until November, otherwise they're out. Hasta la vista baby!

Was the shirt white? Maybe she thinks she is wearing a sex shirt?? (I remember reading a post on here where a woman was looking for a shirt so that she could be alluring to her husband and have sex with him...can't remember where the thread has gone)

How does he know where the shirt was anyway? When she found it to wash it?

I don’t think any woman from any culture would think it’s appropriate to just grab a shirt of another woman’s husband and put it on. I feel you are being extremely naive.

I would, right this minute, drop whatever you’re doing, and go tell her to give the shirt back to you now, and pack up their stuff and get out now. They will have to get a hotel. Have husband give them what is owed, or send check later for work completed. Any contract if any is voided by inappropriate behavior. She took property from your home. Get tough.

Tell your husband he’d better stand by you and make sure they leave immediately. I would have no problem saying this. My husband would not dream of doing what your husband has done, disrespect you to such an extent and allow the situation to develop.

Putting on your husband’s shirt was a sexual brazen thing to do. Everybody knows it including her, her husband(?), and your husband. Update us and tell us you’ve stood your ground. There is no way I’d let her stay another day or night.