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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another woman wearing DH’s shirt

257 replies

hidadsoup · 09/10/2022 20:21

Old friend of DH and his partner have been staying with us. She has done some washing and included my DH shirt in it, then has worn it because she liked it. I think this crosses boundaries and it made me uncomfortable, but AIBU?

yabu - it’s not big deal
yanbu - it’s not on

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 09/10/2022 22:31

@hidadsoup, she’s not clueless. The 3 times you’ve all been together resulted in her fancying your H.

This is a flirtatious move.

SillyDoriswithaDangler · 09/10/2022 22:31

Tell her it's your favourite shirt to wear and take it back!

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/10/2022 22:32

Riverlee · 09/10/2022 20:31

That is definantly weird.

Firstly, why is she washing clothes at your? Surely she brought enough for the visit. Also, I would be doing the washing for her, if she was at my house, for example of the clothing got something spilt on it.

Secondly, wearing someone else’s shirt or jumper implies intimacy or ownership with that person. Not necessarily sexual, but more of an unwritten signal. Ie. Girlfriend wears boyfriend jumper if cold.

it’s definantly strange to wear your hosts clothes without permission.

“Definately”? 😏

Johnnysgirl · 09/10/2022 22:33

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 09/10/2022 21:16

I have to (regrettably) agree with a few others.

It's either ...

An affair, and she is seeing what she can get away with/taunting/teasing.

OR

She fancies him.

99% certainty it's one of those two. ^

Yeah, this.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/10/2022 22:33

Oh my god, it’s even worse - “definantly” 🤮

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 09/10/2022 22:33

hidadsoup · 09/10/2022 21:40

Interesting how many of you think affair or she fancies DH. I don’t think it’s that but maybe I’m naive, I think it’s more likely she’s just a bit clueless. She didn’t know DH before her relationship with the friend, we have met her twice before she came to stay. They are not from UK, from Central America if that makes a difference, I think cultural differences also come into it

I agree with a pp, it's a bit of a drip feed that they're not British. Hmm

Even so, no WAY is this normal behaviour, not in any 'culture...' The vast VAST majority of posters have said it's really odd and unacceptable. And that's because it is.

I don't necessarily think your DH is having an affair with her or fancies her even, but SHE fancies him. It's soooo fucking creepy, her wearing your husband's clothes ewwwwww. You really should have said 'take it off! That's my HUSBAND'S shirt!' This is really not OK what she has done.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 09/10/2022 22:34

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Chloefairydust · 09/10/2022 22:34

Eww no, it’s so wierd 😮…

like kind of stalky behaviour, (I’m getting bunny boiler vibes 👀)

I mean why do that, it’s really such an odd thing to do. I wouldn’t be happy about it at all.

CheezePleeze · 09/10/2022 22:37

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/10/2022 22:33

Oh my god, it’s even worse - “definantly” 🤮

As if you didn't make yourself look stupid enough picking someone up on a misspelling, you then misspelled it yourself.

Karma.

Cw112 · 09/10/2022 22:37

Mmm I'd find this weird. Even if done innocently it still screams no boundaries which doesn't make for good house guests... can they stay elsewhere or will they be with you for much longer?

BMW6 · 09/10/2022 22:38

Weird as fuck. I'd HAVE to say something. Like wTf do you think you're doing!

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/10/2022 22:39

CheezePleeze · 09/10/2022 22:37

As if you didn't make yourself look stupid enough picking someone up on a misspelling, you then misspelled it yourself.

Karma.

Show quote history

‘As if?’

Grow up.

mindutopia · 09/10/2022 22:39

Definitely very odd. Dh’s (male) friend accidentally left his towel here after we all went swimming a few months ago. We eventually washed it, but then I just shoved it out of the way. Seems weird to even put it away or do anything with it, because it’s some other man’s stuff, so I’ve just sort of left it in the utility room.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/10/2022 22:39

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You really need to stop trolling my posts. It’s becoming a problem.

Johnnysgirl · 09/10/2022 22:40

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/10/2022 22:39

‘As if?’

Grow up.

Show quote history

Grow up?? Maybe you should take your own advice?

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/10/2022 22:41

Johnnysgirl · 09/10/2022 22:40

Grow up?? Maybe you should take your own advice?

Show quote history

Maybe you should stop being so childish.

Johnnysgirl · 09/10/2022 22:42

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/10/2022 22:41

Maybe you should stop being so childish.

Show quote history

Are you pissed, by any chance? None of your posts make any real sense 🤷🏻‍♀️

allboysherebutme · 09/10/2022 22:43

Cheeky bitch, they'd be leaving sharpish x

Poppins2016 · 09/10/2022 22:44

It would be weird and cheeky to do that with your clothes (or those of a female friend). It's even weirder and inappropriate that she's doing it with your husbands clothes.

DH and I have joint female friends who have borrowed his clothing (outer layers to keep warm) but the key thing is that they asked/he offered!

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 09/10/2022 22:45

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DPMismyfavouritecolour · 09/10/2022 22:45

Fuck all do to with different cultures, that is not okay anywhere. The pissing on a lampost, territory marking, description absolutely nails it. I'd be sacking off my fella if he didn't shut that down immediately. But I wouldn't have to ask, he'd see that as weird straight away. Had it before in a slightly different way, we just rolled our eyes at each other and ignored the interloper.

HollyJollyXmas57 · 09/10/2022 22:45

Totally odd and I would of told her to take it off the bloody weirdo.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 09/10/2022 22:48

My DIL is from Central America and this behaviour really isn't something that she'd be behind at all. She is incredibly respectful. This woman at your house has no boundaries whatsoever and it would be the last time she stayed with me!

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 09/10/2022 22:57

With the caveat that I know very little about Central American culture, this would put her out of my good books for a long time, if not forever.

Who even touches their host's dirty washing without asking first? Yuck.

toomuchlaundry · 09/10/2022 22:57

Have you got it back?