Another woman wearing DH’s shirt

[hidadsoup]

Old friend of DH and his partner have been staying with us. She has done some washing and included my DH shirt in it, then has worn it because she liked it. I think this crosses boundaries and it made me uncomfortable, but AIBU?

yabu - it’s not big deal
yanbu - it’s not on

Yeah thats really really odd. It's the intimacy of it. My husband went to the nearest supermarket to buy a new t-shirt when we were visiting a friend of mine after spilling something on it rather than accepting a t shirt of her DH for the very reason that it's a bit intimate.

Fine for relatives or very close friends in some situations but this one is just odd!

It’s all a bit over-intimate isn’t it? It’s not just the shirt, it’s the washing of clothes that are not hers too, mixing her things with those of the family. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. By all means do some laundry if you’re travelling and need clean clothes, no problem with that, but not in amongst the family things, no.

She'll be stealing your husband next because she likes him!

There seems something very inappropriate/intimate about her doing this!!!!

Wooooah .. weird! I wouldn't like that! I don't even wear my DH'a stuff. I'd not be best pleased with another woman washing his stuff and then wearing it!! Definitely not an ok thing to do.

And why was she doing your husbands washing in the first place, regardless of then fact that she then wore the shirt!

Did she go through your wash basket in your bedroom?

Hmm the cultural thing is interesting though. I have an American friend who is way too over familiar with all the men but I don’t think she does it on purpose.

Ah, the fact that they aren’t British is a bit of a drip feed.

One of the things which is tricky about living in a culture which you didn’t grow up in is that there are often unspoken “rules” like this which just “feel off” to people in the host culture but not in your own.

If she’s not flirting with your husband, and isn’t noticeably trying to mark her territory in other ways then I’d assume this is a cultural difference

So sorry but this is a really sexual thing to do. If she liked the shirt/style etc she could have simply asked where it was from. Most mens clothes dont fit women particularly well. I wonder what her DH/DP thought? Or does he like the idea of "his" woman being all flirty and cute.

But definitely crosses a boundary. I'd not be happy and would be watching carefully.

Culturally Central America is more communal than individualistic but my Salvadorean friend wouldn't wear my DH's shirt.

I would normally assume it's a sexual intimacy thing for the reasons pp have mentioned... but your updates make me think she's just socially clueless. If she's had a conversation with your dh about buying it off him then he's had words with her about the fact she's got it on! I think she genuinely just likes it and doesn't realise how weird and inappropriate she's being.

Definitely check you have custody of out before she leaves!

The cultural thing is a red herring.

Women tend not to take their male host's clothing and wear it without asking in most cultures.

Did she think it was her husband's? That would make more sense.

Nope, the cultural trope of a woman wearing a man’s shirt after sex, a man lending her his tux after a posh night out, or the cheerleader wearing the quarterback’s varsity jacket are more common in the US not less so.

I’d be pissed off to tbh. My ex let me wear his hoodies etc and when he’d also let other people wear them it made me feel irrationally annoyed. I know exactly how this feels. It felt special to me that I got to wear his stuff, it made me feel like a little bit of him was close to me. I wouldn’t want to wear a strange man’s shirt no matter how much I liked the style.

Yeah. No. That's not OK.

What is her partner saying about it? I can't imagine my DP (or any bloke I know, actually) being OK with their girlfriend / wife wearing another man's clothes for no reason other than they like them. It's very intimate.

Recently I went on a work day out and realised I'd forgotten my coat - it was an outside day and it was cold. My male colleague (old enough to be my dad!) leant me a random fleece from the back of his car. Very nice of him, I was grateful, but God was I uncomfortable wearing it, it just felt really overly familiar.

I love the phrase shag-adjacent

Yeah whether she knows that's territorial of a man or not, it's not okay...

Weird and inappropriate on so many levels. Ask her to give it back.

That is exactly how I would see it. She sounds horrible.

Did neither you or your husband tell her to take it off?

It would really irate me. YANBU

I bet that she is the type of woman who hangs around men, calling them ‘my boys”, pretending that she’s their friend and that she doesn’t fancy them. I’ve met lots of those.

Inappropriate & not ignorant on her part so don’t let her “culture” view it any differently to what it is. She wants your DH to notice her & she’s enjoying marking her territory in what is your territory. She sounds like an alpha who does t necessarily care if she does get to shag your DH she just likes to be the top dog sexually & in demand - regardless of the boundaries, how sweet she may appear, unknown to you & /or from a different culture IMO.
Don’t let her pull this shit in your territory.

I would also think it was EXTREMELY weird If she was your friend and put on your shirt.

who on earth puts on someone else’s clothes??

id be genuinely interested in hearing if that really was a think in a culture?

Like a dog pissing on a lamppost to mark territory… she’s pushing it

Why is this OK with him?

Make him ask for it back, sounds like she’ll just ‘forget’ to give it back otherwise. Fucking weird behaviour, very bizarre and oversteps hugely. Is her Dh your DH’s friend or are they all friends?