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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be bothered flying economy whilst partner flies business?

324 replies

Wigollia · 09/10/2022 17:05

For context:

You both discuss going to European city, half of accommodation each and paying for own flights.

Boyfriend messages to say they’ve booked their flights, you message to say ok I’ll book mine now, did you reserve your seat?? Boyfriend says “oh I’m flying business we can just meet up on the other side”

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 09/10/2022 18:07

Wow, he’s a prince isn’t he! I would not be going away with him - or indeed seeing him again.

Blackcatsarethebest · 09/10/2022 18:07

I might sound petty, I’d dump him for been an inconsiderate twat. Like he’s making you a 2nd class citizen. I don’t blame you for not booking.

biscuitcat · 09/10/2022 18:07

@Zone2NorthLondon there's nothing wrong with wanting to fly business if you can afford it - but this is meant to be a couples trip, and for me (and most people it seems by the thread), that starts on the journey. I've turned down long haul business before to sit with DH in economy, because we want to spend the time together!

@Wigollia it sounds like you've hopefully reached this conclusion, but he's telling you that a marginally nicer plane experience (and on short haul it really is marginal) is more important than you spending time together - get rid!

KatherineJaneway · 09/10/2022 18:08

I wouldn't see them again. Tight.

dontdothistome · 09/10/2022 18:08

That would make me feel really really small.

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 09/10/2022 18:10

I don't know what would piss me off more - that he booked his flight without discussing with you first (and is too stupid to realise this will likely mean lounge access so he will be waiting for the flight etc without you) or that he has just assumed you won't be able to do the same so he'll just meet you when you land.

Either way, I would very quickly inform him you won't be booking flights and exactly why and let that he reason you end things.

Mrstwiddle · 09/10/2022 18:10

Agree with the others, get rid.

fluffi · 09/10/2022 18:10

From the message it sounds like he's assumed you don't have points or can't afford business class, this would annoy me!

Business class for short haul europe is a bit of waste anyway imo! Unless he couldn't use his points for economy and really didn't want to pay cash for some reason it seems a bit ridiculous.

I would ask him why he is assuming that you'll be travelling separately (aka you won't be bookin business) and meeeting up on the other side. If you've already said you can't/won't fly business, then its still a odd, I'd be considering if I want to be in relationship or go on the trip at all.

If as one of the other posters suggested it was the last seat in business, my follow up question would be, ok so you didn't want to spend time together on the flight? It still strange. Presumably its a fairly short trip? So the flight is part of the overall experience, why would anyone deliberate sit separate to their bf/gf?

Are you sharing a room? Sharing a room but not sitting together on the flight (by choice for a pure leisure trip for both parties) doesn't work for me!

speakout · 09/10/2022 18:11

My ex was like this.
He earned a lot more than I did, and saw nothing wrong in buying a first class airline ticket while I could only afford to buy economy when we went on holiday.
He is an ex foe a reason.

OwlBarn · 09/10/2022 18:11

Why shouldn’t he travel business if he can afford it? If you cannot afford it that’s not his responsibility. It’s a bit dire to be financially reliant on your boyfriend hoping he’ll either upgrade your seat or he’ll settle and downgrade

@Zone2NorthLondon that's not the point. The point is that he took his decision without even telling her before hand - as in

  • no consideration for her at all. what if she could afford business class or had airmiles to upgrade? His actions have meant that they still wouldn't be sitting together. What if she's an anxious flyer and wants to be accompanied? So if she wasn't sitting by a partner she wouldn't want to go?? what if the point for her was a first trip away with a new partner to enjoy the whole trip including someone to chat to on the flight?
  • Even if a normal person wanted to do this, the conversation would normally be had before booking - because it's a trip TOGETHER as a couple which usually involves compromise and discussion. As in 'I've got airmiles so I really want to fly business. Are you interested in flying business too? would you mind?' Rather than this is what I'm doing.
  • as I said above, for a short haul flight its not really worth it unless you want the benefits of first on/first off and the lounge. So does that mean they won't even be together at the airport for a pre-flight cocktail?
Zone2NorthLondon · 09/10/2022 18:13

reading this thread the measure of a good man/good relationship is he pays for the woman stuff
its genuinely quote sad to read the sheer entitlement of the man should pay and the gloating of oh well my man pays for me to go business class. Well done what an achievement… a man pays for your. Must be so enriching to know you’ve bagged a man who’ll pay
Regard the OP he traded on his Amex points so he hasn’t had to pony up any money, the flight cost is reimbursed points

L0bstersLass · 09/10/2022 18:14

Christmasbird · 09/10/2022 17:50

Short haul business class looks no different to economy except the curtain is drawn, possibly slightly better service. An upgrade should be quite cheap but he's still an arse for not asking if you'd like to do the same

With BA the middle seat doesn't get sold so there is more room.

BlackberrySky · 09/10/2022 18:16

Zone2NorthLondon · 09/10/2022 17:57

Genuine question. Why shouldn’t he travel business if he can afford it? If you cannot afford it that’s not his responsibility. It’s a bit dire to be financially reliant on your boyfriend hoping he’ll either upgrade your seat or he’ll settle and downgrade

I think you and this guy should get together once OP dumps him. You'd be perfect together!

Avrenim · 09/10/2022 18:16

Seven months in and he's behaving like this? Already? Things won't get any better, ever. Trust me. He's shown you who he is. Pay attention already!

Tell him to find another travelling companion. And another girlfriend while he's at it. If you've already shelled out for the accommodation you might need to take the financial hit. Better than spending the rest of the relationship not being consulted about anything, and being told in no uncertain terms you're cattle class while he's a cut above though!

Milkand2sugarsplease · 09/10/2022 18:17

That's just odd. Why not just split the cost of the trip and book together? Is that not part of the excitement??

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2022 18:18

I would have thought he’d use the Amex Air miles to book a flight for you too if he had enough. He’s literally using a perk to go away and you’re paying more overall. That’s not a good look to me tbh.

JocelynBurnell · 09/10/2022 18:18

Wigollia · 09/10/2022 17:11

Can assure you this is true.

We agreed what days we would fly in and out but hadn’t booked flights together, he used his points from his Amex card for his flights.

I haven’t booked my flight and I’m not going to I don’t think. It isn’t about not being able to afford it but the travelling together thing, are we both going to turn in other directions at the gate, it’s weird isn’t it

The agreement beforehand was bizarre, even before he booked 'business class', as is your use of the term partner in this scenario.

I find it difficult to believe that you only saw a problem here when he booked business class.

dontdothistome · 09/10/2022 18:20

Milkand2sugarsplease · 09/10/2022 18:17

That's just odd. Why not just split the cost of the trip and book together? Is that not part of the excitement??

I suspect he's quite excited by himself.

Can you imagine the shame though when your Mum asks 'how was your flight?' 'Well, mine was ok, but David had a lovely time'.

Kualma · 09/10/2022 18:21

I wouldn’t say the fact you’re flying separate cabins is the problem but his apparent lack of communication. Has he mentioned before he was going to pay with his air miles?

I have flown a separate cabin from my husband (he flew in business, I flew in economy) for the reason being, it was a work trip and his company was paying for it and I was paying out of my pocket as I offered to come however the flight was only 90 minutes so didn’t mind.

AhNowTed · 09/10/2022 18:22

@Zone2NorthLondon

Only one poster has said her bf pays.

This is NOT about him paying.

It's about having a bit of respect and not treating your so-called partner like the poor relation. It's belittling.

If I'm travelling with a friend with less means then me, we book to suit THEIR budget and not mine.

No fucking way would I book a two-tier holiday.

3ShotsOfEspresso · 09/10/2022 18:22

That's so odd and no f**king way would I go.

Bpdqueen · 09/10/2022 18:23

adriftabroad · 09/10/2022 17:41

Will you be dining together or are you just grabbing a sandwich somewhere while her goes Michelin?

🤣🤣🤣🤣

GG1986 · 09/10/2022 18:23

Yeah that's a bit shitty. He could have saved his points for another flight when he wasn't with his girlfriend. Is he selfish with money in general?

Catupatree123 · 09/10/2022 18:23

I've read this before on here, pretty much exactly the same. Clearly ' a lot' of it about

ThereIbledit · 09/10/2022 18:23

I would book a flight leaving the same airport at around about the same time and have a lovely solo weekend away somewhere else. I wouldn't tell him until we were checked in at the airport, then he can have a nice weekend away to get over being dumped.