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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be bothered flying economy whilst partner flies business?

324 replies

Wigollia · 09/10/2022 17:05

For context:

You both discuss going to European city, half of accommodation each and paying for own flights.

Boyfriend messages to say they’ve booked their flights, you message to say ok I’ll book mine now, did you reserve your seat?? Boyfriend says “oh I’m flying business we can just meet up on the other side”

Thoughts?

OP posts:
oosha · 11/10/2022 08:30

Put it this way, I wouldn’t be calling him my boyfriend for much longer. This isn’t about a simple flight and seat choice, his behaviour is indicative of the fact he thinks he is better than you and it’s himself first. A very bad sign and not something you would want in a future partner or husband. Honestly get rid, he won’t change.

Monstersmum3 · 11/10/2022 09:49

If you are going on a trip together, you go together. You sort the finances and pool money so you book flights, hotel etc TOGETHER. Unless you're not sharing a room or the same hotel!
Personally I wouldn't even be planning on booking a flight, I'd be telling him to go alone and calling it a day! He obviously has no respect or value you in any way!

PurpleIsTheNewPink · 11/10/2022 09:57

Wigollia · 09/10/2022 17:11

Can assure you this is true.

We agreed what days we would fly in and out but hadn’t booked flights together, he used his points from his Amex card for his flights.

I haven’t booked my flight and I’m not going to I don’t think. It isn’t about not being able to afford it but the travelling together thing, are we both going to turn in other directions at the gate, it’s weird isn’t it

Maybe his points allowed him to book business class (and maybe he had to use them before they run out)..if that's the case I'd think it's ok and makes sense. Otherwise it's pretty crappy. I'm not sure..if dh had an opportunity to fly business class (without wasting money on it) and it just meant us not sitting together (and I did not mean that I'd have the kids with me on my own), I wouldn't mind to be honest. I'd be happy for him. Though at seven months in I'd have preferred sitting together.

SudocremOnEverything · 11/10/2022 10:53

PurpleIsTheNewPink · 11/10/2022 09:57

Maybe his points allowed him to book business class (and maybe he had to use them before they run out)..if that's the case I'd think it's ok and makes sense. Otherwise it's pretty crappy. I'm not sure..if dh had an opportunity to fly business class (without wasting money on it) and it just meant us not sitting together (and I did not mean that I'd have the kids with me on my own), I wouldn't mind to be honest. I'd be happy for him. Though at seven months in I'd have preferred sitting together.

Show quote history

even if you have points to go business class, it says a great deal about someone’s priorities and level of selfishness to unilaterally decide to use them for what would be a first holiday as a couple.

What you may or may not be happy with having been married for years and with kids, it’s a pretty big red flag in a pretty new boyfriend. This should be something that you’re excitedly planning together at 7 months and where you’re desperate to spend the time together. However it was paid for, ‘oh, I’ve booked business for me. See ya on the other side’ is a very clear indication of someone who doesn’t actually care how you’re getting there and is only interested in maximising his own experience.

Settling for that in the honeymoon phase is hardly laying the ground for a great experience if you ever get to the married with kids stage. Someone who treats you like this in the honeymoon, trying to impress you stage, either just isn’t that interested in you or will turn out to be even more selfish. Either way, the OP should just dump him and run. Go on the trip on her own, or with a friend (who would actually want to sit with her on the plane).

Appleblum · 11/10/2022 11:02

I was all for dumping him until I read your update that he had booked his flight with miles. Some airmiles programs are very strict, you can only use your miles to book/upgrade flights for yourself. BA used to let me use my miles across my family but Krisflyer only allows it to use it for myself. I can't even use them for my children who are under 12 years old.

Maybe reconsider. He could have communicated better but it's not really an unforgivable act.

SudocremOnEverything · 11/10/2022 11:07

Appleblum · 11/10/2022 11:02

I was all for dumping him until I read your update that he had booked his flight with miles. Some airmiles programs are very strict, you can only use your miles to book/upgrade flights for yourself. BA used to let me use my miles across my family but Krisflyer only allows it to use it for myself. I can't even use them for my children who are under 12 years old.

Maybe reconsider. He could have communicated better but it's not really an unforgivable act.

Except he could have used his miles to book economy.

or, talked to the OP and decided together where they’d sit.

Regardless how you pay for it, deciding you’re going to sit in business and you don’t care where your girlfriend sits on your first holiday together is not indicative that you’re a good partner.

ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner · 11/10/2022 14:27

Appleblum · 11/10/2022 11:02

I was all for dumping him until I read your update that he had booked his flight with miles. Some airmiles programs are very strict, you can only use your miles to book/upgrade flights for yourself. BA used to let me use my miles across my family but Krisflyer only allows it to use it for myself. I can't even use them for my children who are under 12 years old.

Maybe reconsider. He could have communicated better but it's not really an unforgivable act.

So then he should have saved his points for a flight he wants/needs to take by himself, it’s just bloody rude I wouldn’t do this with a group of friends.

Op I’m sorry but he’d be gone because he’s showing you that you’re actually not that important.

Mama4Weans · 11/10/2022 16:56

I'd be upset if my best pal did this (she wouldn't) so I would not expect it from my boyfriend! What an idiot

FooFooFloofyFoof · 11/10/2022 18:57

He should have discussed with you in advance. The flight is part of the holiday. If he’s using points and so the flight is costing him nothing he should either have saved them for a solo trip and booked economy together or offered to pay for your upgrade from economy so you can travel together. Either way, planned it WITH you!

I’d be ending the relationship for that!

Bluebellsparklypant · 11/10/2022 20:25

That doesn’t sound right at all OP
The thing is if he finds this acceptable and you expect his ways now after seven months how are things going to develop after 7years say? There has to be certain ground rules of how to behave to each other otherwise there’s imbalance and upset. maybe a frank conversation of what you find acceptable or not going forward and keep the communication open

SomeonesHotMom · 12/10/2022 03:34

I think you just found out that you're human chattel, a v_gina with a heart beat... ttfn

Damnloginpopup · 12/10/2022 06:19

I'm off on holiday on a few weeks, 4ht Ryanair flight. We have not paid extra and booked seats together. Should we split up?

Can't wait to stick my earphones in and read a book quite frankly.

lightisnotwhite · 12/10/2022 06:37

@Damnloginpopup
Is it your first holiday together?
Have you been going out less than a year?
Did you discuss booking the seats together ( of course you did which is how you know already you aren’t sitting together)?

Op’s situation is contextual. It’s not the sitting apart that’s the issue.

Damnloginpopup · 12/10/2022 06:43

First for a long time but did it on one of our first holidays a year in. Together a few years now, done it a few times. Didn't discuss beforehand. going to have 11 days together and will spend the saving on something there.

Damnloginpopup · 12/10/2022 06:45

Don't pay extra to sit with my kids usually either, none of us are ever bothered by that.

doceggbert · 12/10/2022 06:51

suck it up princess

ReneBumsWombats · 12/10/2022 06:56

Damnloginpopup · 12/10/2022 06:19

I'm off on holiday on a few weeks, 4ht Ryanair flight. We have not paid extra and booked seats together. Should we split up?

Can't wait to stick my earphones in and read a book quite frankly.

I'm off on holiday on a few weeks, 4ht Ryanair flight. We have not paid extra and booked seats together. Should we split up?

If you want to.

IglesiasPiggl · 12/10/2022 06:59

doceggbert · 12/10/2022 06:51

suck it up princess

Is that you, OP 's boyfriend?

lightisnotwhite · 12/10/2022 08:15

@Damnloginpopup so you don’t see any red flags at all with this?
The assumption Op won’t be in Business? The assumption they won’t see each other all flight? Unilaterally booking a flight with no discussion.

I totally get not paying extra to choose seats but if the flights are under one booking most of the time you get seated together anyway. Whether you like it or not 🙂.

Weirdlynormal · 12/10/2022 09:00

Damnloginpopup · 12/10/2022 06:19

I'm off on holiday on a few weeks, 4ht Ryanair flight. We have not paid extra and booked seats together. Should we split up?

Can't wait to stick my earphones in and read a book quite frankly.

The difference here is choice. If you can’t see that, well…

MzHz · 12/10/2022 09:07

AhNowTed · 09/10/2022 17:25

I wouldn't do that to a friend, never mind a so-called partner.

Exactly.

if I had the kind of points this guy had, I’d book both business and part pay with points the share the cost of what’s left.

this guy is mean. @Wigollia this is what you’ve just learned

it’s only a few months in, first trip away, this isn’t making you any kind of priority. He’s showing you that he is more important and denying you a shared experience

throw him back. Hope his flight is non-refundable.

BogRollBOGOF · 12/10/2022 09:18

I've travelled seperately to DH on a few occasions due to logistics which were discussed in advance. We even had one holiday where the bookings had to be made seperately due to different trip endings and he inadvertantly got the last seat on one flight so I ended up dropping him off at the airport, heading off for a few hours, catching my flight later in the day (making a careful note of where I left the car so he could find it on his return) and meeting him at arrivals later in the day. The key difference is that there were practical reasons for the situation arising, not one of us unilaterally looking after ourselves and leaving the other with a "lesser" experience.

This one's a deal breaker because of the attitude behind it more than the actual outcome. You don't want to spend years fruitlessly trying to train him to think of you as an equal and you certainly don't want him pulling stunts like this if you're parents. Notice the number of ExHs that have done this rather than DHs.

Dweetfidilove · 12/10/2022 09:24

My thought is, you should only have stuck around long enough to respond - 'Enjoy!'

Where are people finding these selfish men 😯

BoffinMum · 15/10/2022 18:07

Ex DP used to do selfish things like that, whereas current DH would give his seat up for me and even travel in the hold if he had to. That’s why I’m with him.

LTB

ImStillMe · 15/10/2022 18:37

I worked with a newlywed who didn't want to pay for business class unlike her new husband. So they sat separately on the same plane

I left the company but the next time I heard of her she had reverted to using her maiden name again.