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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD's dad furious because I don't want to homeschool her!

195 replies

cocoloco77 · 08/10/2022 21:57

I have been a teacher for 5 years and share a daughter with a man who is a (insert very rude word here)! I would find it so much easier to parent without him, but I put up with him for DD's sake. Over the years, he hasn't been very forthcoming with maintenance and is generally quite useless tbh.

DD is due to start school next year and apparently, he has "always wanted a child that's homeschooled". He feels that because I am a teacher, I should give up my job and stay at home and homeschool her. I asked how exactly he would expect me to pay my bills if I'm at home all day, and he claims that he would pay me to do this (which I totally don't believe as he's very inconsistent with maintenance payments and I would never put myself in a position where I'm relying on him for money). Furthermore, I don't actually want to homeschool dd and would much rather her be at school. This has resulted in a huge argument with him calling me "toxic" and claiming I don't let him make decisions in our daughters life.

I'm interested to see what other people's views are on this and if I really am being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 08/10/2022 21:57

You must know YANBU, surely?!

UnadulteratedCat · 08/10/2022 21:58

of course yanbu. He’s being a prick and trying to control you. Fuck that.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/10/2022 21:59

Stop talking to this idiot. Let him go to court if he wants contact. I think he might actually be insane.

EL8888 · 08/10/2022 21:59

Is he always so controlling and self absorbed? If he wants her home schooled, then maybe he should do it if it’s so important to him?

EL8888 · 08/10/2022 21:59

Aquamarine1029 · 08/10/2022 21:59

Stop talking to this idiot. Let him go to court if he wants contact. I think he might actually be insane.

If he takes it to court it would give the judge a laugh

SpinningFloppa · 08/10/2022 21:59

You know you’re not so?

AFineBalance · 08/10/2022 22:01

YANBU. If he wants to homeschool her he could raise that with you.

Caroffee · 08/10/2022 22:01

What an absolute dick your ex is.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/10/2022 22:02

How much do yo u earn currently a month? He's promising to pay that monthly for the next.... how many years??

GroggyLegs · 08/10/2022 22:04

Hahahaha!

No.

Original poster
cocoloco77 · 08/10/2022 22:04

SpinningFloppa · 08/10/2022 21:59

You know you’re not so?

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with him for years and he really made me question myself and still does. Thanks.

OP posts:
SquashesPumpkinsAutumnBliss · 08/10/2022 22:04

So he can afford your teacher’s salary, plus paying not your pension?

at least he is not wanting to do the homeschooling!

notacooldad · 08/10/2022 22:05

Just tell him to bore off and then dont engage further with this ridiculous convo.

Gemstar2 · 08/10/2022 22:05

You aren’t being in the slightest bit unreasonable…he is being very very unreasonable. If it’s that important to him, he should do the homeschooling. Thanks

Sunshinegirl82 · 08/10/2022 22:08

I'd be minded to go to court for a specific issues order - it doesn't sound as though he's likely to be reasonable in discussing it with you. I'm assuming he has parental responsibility?

deeperthanallroses · 08/10/2022 22:08

Ideally you would not engage ever. If you have to have a response say I’ll need my years salary up front since you’ve been unreliable with maintenance , I’ll let you know when it appears in my bank account.

Bestcatmum · 08/10/2022 22:08

What a twat. How can you bear the sight of him.

Pixiedust1234 · 08/10/2022 22:08

If he wants her homeschooled then he can do it. It doesn't have to get more complicated than that.

GCAcademic · 08/10/2022 22:10

I don’t know why you’re even giving this headspace rather than simply laughing in the prick’s face.

sandytooth · 08/10/2022 22:10

he has "always wanted a child that's homeschooled bit of a weird thing to have always wanted tbh very specific.

Anyway what he wants and what is happening are two different things and his options are either 1. Do the home schooling himself (but only if you agreed. 2. Have a child with someone else who wants to homeschool that one.

RyanYESorNO · 08/10/2022 22:10

I don't understand how this has resulted in a 'huge argument'. Surely it needed one message from you:

I won't be homeschooling DD. I believe that a school is the best environment for her. I am not giving up my career and could not afford to do so. If you wish to challenge my decision on this then please file a court order, although I'm sure the judge will be more interesting in your financial contribution to DDs upbringing so far. I won't be discussing this further.

How does the argument even happen? Honestly, I'm really not trying to kick you while you're down, but if you're really having discussions and arguments with this man, then you need to do some serious work on yourself, your boundaries and what you are teaching your daughter (from what she observes) about relationships.

catsonahottinroof · 08/10/2022 22:11

Yes, it's not complicated at all. You simply say 'I can't afford to' and then let him know that he's welcome to do it himself.

Starlightstarbright1 · 08/10/2022 22:13

Just give a clear answer. It is a no.. no further discussion will be made on the matter..... repeat..

decayingmatter · 08/10/2022 22:14

What a ridiculous human he is. Tell him he can help her do extra homework when he sees her so that he gets the home schooling experience that he has always dreamed of.

yellowtwo · 08/10/2022 22:14

He sounds awful OP. Please don't doubt yourself. What he is saying is stupid and ridiculous.