Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

@coffeeandpoetry exactly what you’ve said. They don’t owe a random person anything - just like if you took a job another random woman wanted. Why is it when there’s a man involved they suddenly need to be thinking differently…oh wait…I know exactly why.

if my DH has an affair, he is the one lying. A random woman I don’t know doesn’t owe me anything. I might feel angry and jealous but I don’t think I would be justified in that.

I think this is it to a certain extent. I couldn't listen to a friend whining about relationship issues with a man who was married. It would wind me up far too much.

In saying this, I believe a lot of men who do it know exactly what they're doing and it's usually vulnerable women they target. Just after my break up with ex-h, I had 3 married men try it on. I was so angry just knowing that when it came down to it, the men would ultimately be forgiven whilst I would have been vilified and called a tramp.

this is the crux really isn’t it? For all the chat that the OW /OM doesn’t owe the wife/husband anything etc etc etc , it’s the willingness to lie, deceive , engage in a course of action that you know will hurt someone else whether you know them or not indicates a type of character/moral code that I would not be happy with at all. (Obviously I am assuming that the person knows that they are indulging in an affair and aren’t being deceived themselves )

I am the wife
I am also the other woman
Shamed to admit this
It happen over years and so very naturally
It really isn't as uncommon as you would think

I've been friends with women who are OWs. I suppose it helps that my husband hasn't cheated on me that I know of, so there's no personal trauma to complicate it. Although since I hold my husband entirely responsible for his commitment to me and our kids, I'd like to think that if he did cheat, I wouldn't go after the person who isn't anything to do with us and I'd focus entirely on him as the only person who had the power to make it happen.

They are good people, if weak and flawed in this regard, and in all the instances I've known, the MM had all the true power in the relationship and was by far the colder, bigger, hornier turd. I did tell them, though, that I didn't approve and I didn't want to hear about it. I'd just be there when it fell apart, as it was clearly always going to in these cases.

Well, I may as well go and steal some poor sod's car. I don't owe them anything.

Lack of morals. I judge those that do, because we all know it's wrong.

Who is giving me a free pass.

The thread is about OW. Not the married party or even OM.

If you want to discuss the married men who cheat, start a thread on it.

People not want to be friends with someone who sleeps with married people AND also think the married person is ‘more’ to blame and a Cunt.

Its not one or the other.

Do you view your husband as an article that can be stolen against his will?

In my case, the OW was vile. Utterly vile. My children were damaged by her, what she said, how she behaved. She is responsible for her behaviour, what she says, not my ex. That my ex lied to her - way more than he lied to me - is part and parcel of the package you take on with a married man. I have sod all sympathy, let alone empathy. She knew what she was doing.

Ffs who is giving men a free pass not me 🙄

Nobody thinks affairs are uncommon, there are loads of them happening.

Not sure why you think it's rare?

But surely having an affair isn’t a ‘mistake’ it’s an active choice

@UWhatNow

God it’s like a mindless medieval lynch mob with some posters on here - as per usual the cheating men get a free pass to fuck up the marriage and the family but it’s the woman he shags who burns for it… misogyny pure and simple.

Can you quote one person on the thread who says the married man should get a free pass and the women is to blame?

You say it's 'as per usual' so presumably mean on this thread too...

Nobody has said that unless I've missed it so can you point out where anyone on the thread has?

I have more friends who cheat on their DPs than I do who are OW/OM and I judge them much more harshly.

I don’t agree with people being the OW but like the cheating or anything else I just mind my business.

I will never agree 100% on what someone does.

An OW isn’t hurting anyone herself.

The person who cheats is going to end up hurting their partner but that’s on them and they will suffer the consequences, it doesn’t impact me in any way.

You can like a person but not like everything about them or their choices.

I think many MNers blame the OW so much as they don’t want to break up with their DH, so it makes them feel better to think she was just as bad.

Yep . . .

Again,this thread isn’t about the cheating man. We all know he’s a scumbag.

The thread is about OW.

It always is, which tells you something.

As long as we keep blaming women, men will keep cheating because there's no consequence and their blame will be shared at the very least. It's especially terrible when there's gloating that he'll cheat on OW. MM shits on his family and the OW deserves heartbreak and humiliation, while his consequence is more cheating sex.

Married people are 100% responsible. Meaning 100%. Not 100% minus "but the OW". You make a promise, you have a family, you're responsible. It's ridiculous to make the rest of the world the gatekeeper of your partner's loyalty. If the only reason he isn't cheating is lack of opportunity, your relationship is worthless anyway.

Your husband has as much agency as your car?

So 2 previous partners have done the dirty, both lied to their respective OW. I figured (after a lot of soul searching, wine, cigarettes and swearing), that these women would ultimately become part of my children's lives.
I wanted to set an example on conflict management, how to grieve and how to be a adult. I made a point of just being civil with them initially, but as time has gone on, we discussed the kids, more kids came as did one subsequent divorce. Before I knew it, these women have become friends, and I know they could do better (the divorced one figured this out too).
It's actually been fun (quietly) to watch the 'men' squirm and actually - it was never me, or the OW. It was them and their insecurities, their small d*ck mentality. I am happily single, raising my kids in a stable, calm and loving home, while the chaos continues elsewhere. I can safely say I am proud of how I have carried myself during all of that and these women know I am there for them too - because a leopard never changes their spots.

It this thread isn’t about that…. It’s about wether you would be friends with someone you know if having an affair.

And yet it's the OW we have a need to castigate over and over...

That's illegal. You also don't own a partner because they are not property nor a possession.

So genuine question , if you are ashamed of your behaviour why do you continue with it , it can’t be making you happy

Most women hate the other woman because they stand by the man and need someone to take their anger out on.