Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

A woman I work with has had a number of affairs with married men over the years. One of the first things she told me when we started working on the same floor was about her affair with a person who used to work at our place.
I would feel differently if it was a mistake but that’s not the only one she’s had and being completely honest, I now avoid her like the plague. I hate having any conversation with her other than small talk because she loves talking about it and will allude to it as much as she can in front of people like she’s got a big secret. She’s gleeful.

All they did was have consensual sex.

It’s not ALL they did, is it?

I could not be friends with someone who has low morals, is deceitful, sly, untrustworthy and selfish, which is what an OW/OM is, they are not be the type of people I could have any time for.
*obviously this does not apply to those who genuinely did not know their partner was already in a relationship and ended it when discovered, they are victims here.

Some of the worst mental breakdowns I’ve seen in friends and colleagues were caused when they found out their spouse was having an affair.

It is widely known how devastating and hurtful affairs are, not just to the spouse but to the wider family.

So as PP said, any man or woman who can play an active part in the abuse of others, solely for their own (sexual) gratification is not anyone I want in my social circle

I’ve also known a few women who were the OW before going on to become the wife, and the way they talked about the first wife was pretty sociopathic, so I’m just not sure that there is much of a crossover between being an OW and being a nice person

I get that you must have to have a huge ability to detach and decompartmentalise to justify and then live within an affair, so maybe that’s why all the ones I’ve met have been quite cold people

Because it's cunty

Affairs cause so much pain. It’s ultimately the responsibility of the cheating spouse so I wouldn’t blame an OW for the damage to the marriage.

I think that having an affair is very selfish. There are loads of single men out there. Choosing to start a relationship with one who isn’t and getting off on the drama, angst and the excitement of sneaking around when you know someone is going to get hurt isn’t the mark of a considerate person. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who dropped their food rubbish on the ground or let doors swing into the face of the person behind them.

I’ve been cheated on a few times and it’s so so painful. I could not be friends with anyone who would put someone through trust level of pain. Honestly I think people who cheat are pieces of shit.

But it's OK in a husband.

Yes it is though.
I feel so disappointed in the misogyny of women who label "ow" scum et cetera
Every day in workplaces there is bullying and exclusion and instead of labelling those women bullies the op is told she is not at work to make friends, just endure it, while others look on and do nothing.

Going on about morals makes me cringe. I'd be anything that these folks are not the self reflect types.

The woman who had an affair with my husband happily told a mutual friend that 'if I want a man I get it him no matter what it take or I have to do'

So yeah. Home wrecking whore.

They don't understand the sisterhood code and therefore can't be trusted. Loose morals, selfish, egocentric and prepared to break up families. Not sure they are good-friend material.

I definitely would judge a friend for being part of an affair.

When my ex’s cheating came out I eventually got it out of him that he didn’t come clean about his inappropriate messaging because he knew I’d leave him. I was like, yeah, duh, of course I’d leave you. Basically the thing that pissed me off was taking away my right to make my own decisions about my own life.
I just struggle to empathise with someone actively helping in denying someone their own agency.

I’m not particularly mad at the lady my ex was inappropriately messaging/webcamming with. Honestly I ranged from wanting to rip her face off, to thinking she was pretty pathetic, wanting to kiss her in gratitude for freeing me from a fuckwit and then kinda just nothing. It’s just a thing that happened and I don’t feel any kind of way about her now.

I would consider the floors. To be the floozy.

The OW is not the villain. The married man is.

The OW is often lied to in that the man says he is single/separated, she is mislead, has self esteem issues, sucked in with false promises and a million other reasons.

Thr married man is the problem. He is the one breaking vows and promises. The OW is not some man-eating siren set out to destroy marriages.

I'm single btw! I'm not an OW before you launch in and attack me!

I think the issue is that not everyone has the same morals. For some people being the OW is a lifestyle choice - they don’t want commitment or a person becoming attached. These same people might however be moralistic in other ways - true to what they consider good morality.

personally I think Men get off too easily. They made the promises and broke them. If my dh cheated then he broke his vow, cheated on me, cheated on our family. It’s not down to ow to keep him honest- she could be a one night stand! Or someone he lied to - or someone who just wants to have sex. He’s the issue. Hard though it would be not to blame her - she’s a stranger - he is the person who promised to love me forever - then fkd someone else. Who that someone else was is of no consequence I think.

as for being friends with someone - is being there when they have made mistakes and are struggling not part of that?

Isn't your husband the home wrecking whore? With all due respect, no woman has any obligation to leave a man alone because he has a partner.

What's with the notion that women have to be loyal to other women they don't even know, even giving up a potential suitor for the sake of the random womans feelings?

The patriarchy. Man can do no wrong so it must be the woman’s fault. They find a way to blame her and publicly and ruthlessly exploit it. It’s slowly changing. I wouldn’t have a relationship with a married man, because it says a lot about the man. If he’s a good man, he can sort his family out and then come and find me. If not, well, we know he wanted it both ways.

I have sympathy for an OW who didn't know that their lover was married.

But anyone who knowingly goes out with a married person, male or female has zero integrity.

I don't blame the OW more or less than the man.
I feel the same about an OM having and affair with a married woman.

So I don't think it is misogyny at all.

I just think it is a shitty thing to do, as it breaks up familes and causes so much grief.

I like my friends to have integrity.

THIS

I like to surround myself with people who are self-confident and have good values

someone shagging someone else’s husband is none of those things

I would give a friend the slow fade if she was doing the above. Friends are easy to come by and life is too short

Also - I had a long term serious relationship that ended due to his infidelity - with many ow! His fault totally - they owed me nothing

Not true. Men who have affairs are shunned by other men who have a moral compass. Only a certain class of man views other men as playboys.

OWs can be often be ultra naive, hopelessly romantic and completely pathetic.
And often young (moral compasses solidify with age).

My ch think little of the ow/now girlfriend, as she collaborated with deceiving/treating me appallingly.

They hold their father to the same standard.

If I new an ow, I'd have very little to do with them. The utter lack of morals and the ability to treat another woman like shit is enough.

Because the woman always takes the blame. What a joke. Meanwhile these men do it again and again as despite the fact there’s a huge LTB thing on here, in RL most women take them back, or turn a blind eye completely, happy to have their man back in bed but despite the woman completely