Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

I dont think she 'lost her husband.. to the ow' - the husband chose to get up and leave. In the middle of the night too. The way we talk about this stuff matters. The passive position of the man here - 'being taken'. He chose his actions. He walked away of his own shitty, cowardly accord. She knew he was married - and so did he.

Op I'm with you. I haven't had a friend cheat afaik, but if I did it would strike me that they were vulnerable and in need of support

No one has solely blamed the OW for an affair. Not one poster. And I never see threads from people who do just blame the OW. If an op did just blame the OW I am sure MNers would remind them it’s not the OWs fault.

So you have a problem with the thread itself. So no one should ever discuss attitudes towards OW ever? Because that’s shifting blame, automatically?

I do agree the thread should have been about OW and OM. I kept gender out of my post, because I wouldn’t be friends with men or women who sleep with married people. I wouldn’t be friends with someone who is married who is having an affair. I consider affairs to be abusive. How many people choose to be friends with someone you know is abusing their partner? Or participating in that abuse? I choose not to be. Biological sex has nothing to do with it.

I have no obligation to be friends or accept someone in my life, if I don’t like their actions. If you don’t want people to judge you or step back from you for having an affair, don’t have one.

Ok maybe she should shit on someones door step. Not illegal but gross and a person who would do such lacks morals or anything like sense.

This, but all the other things said too.
anger and blame
to the cheating partner, but ow showed her character and morals too.

One thing I've noticed is that men expect other men to want to sleep with their wives. They don't expect it to happen, necessarily, but they don't expect the desire of other men to disappear just because she's married.

Women, however, often do expect other women's desire just to switch off because a man is married and are often surprised, and truly unable to understand why, when it doesn't.

There are many things worse than being the OW. Being a cunty, self righteous, judgemental prick for one.

Frankly, I wouldn't have any respect for a woman who got involved with any man who has a partner, married or not, and therefore wouldn't want anything to do with them going forward.

I wouldn't continue a friendship with any woman prepared to sink that low.

I had a very close childhood friend who I thought would be a friend for ever, I loved her, through the vagaries of life and families and children and living in different countries we were each other's constant best friend.

She had a short, opportunistic affair with the husband of one of our distant friends. I was shocked and not impressed when she told me, but because she was my friend I tried hard; she was divorced; for some people sex doesn't carry the meaning it does for others; she wasn't the husband 's first or last; the wife never knew so wasn't hurt; things are different in Paris (they really are not); etc. but I never felt the same about my friend again and phased her out of my life, without even realising.

Now if I ever think of her I have no regrets at all. Decades of fun and friendship but sadly that episode defines her now: she turned out to be untrustworthy and selfish.

And I would have never known if she hadn't told me, was it a boast?

Of course that's illegal. Vandalism and trespassing.

I'll ask again, why are women expected to be loyal to other women they don't even know and give up a potential suitor for the sake of the random woman? It's not 'lacking in morals' when you don't know her from adam. Who has loyalty like that for strangers? Sorry but that's ridiculous.

@XenoBitch can a man be stolen against his will? It sounds like you think there are women out there seducing silly men who cant think better for themselves. This is what internalised misogyny is.

😁 agree

Give up a potential suitor?

Like a man who shags around is a prize?

and women, who meet someone they potentially like, shouldn’t be expected to walk away? That sounds very much like women really need a man, any man?

Give me a break

I'm pretty sure that is indeed illegal. At any rate, like the car, it's a terrible analogy for people's choices to hurt loved ones by pursuing their own pleasure above all.

In my opinion they are both cunts in an OW/affair situation.

But the op isn’t the cheated on partner here. She is a friend of the ow , and may not even know the husband so in that regard she has no skin in the game . She is querying more whether you would remain friends with someone who you know was ‘an ‘ ow , rather than how she would view ‘the ‘ other woman in her own relationship

Do you honestly knowingly sleep with another woman's husband without being all of those things? Surely if you're willing to cheat with him you'd generally think badly of her?

No. I just take issue with the whole "I don't owe her anything" like that excuses the OW for acting the way she is.

It is called being a decent human being, and not taking what is not yours. Yes, men do not get "stolen", but it is very shitty to go after someone who is in a relationship to begin with. If they are not single, they are off limits.

But it doesn't matter if you go after married people if they guard their commitments, that's the point. The married person is the only one who has the power to make the affair happen, with their own choices.

It couldn't be less like stealing a car or shitting on a doorstep. It's effectively a woman holding a sign up to the window saying "come out and have me" (assuming she does pursue, which she frequently doesn't). All the MM has to do is not go out and preferably close the curtain on her. He's got agency.

Didn’t realise shitting on a door step was illegal my bad haha

Ive not said being the ow is worse than being the cunty husband. This whole friend is about being the friend of someone who sleep with married people. I’d cut of a man sleeping with a married women as much as I’d cut off a women. I’d also cut off the married person if I knew them.

I've been the OW for several years. My friends don't want to hear about it but they haven't cut me off. Ive supported them through all sorts of shit over the years, it's all part of friendship IMO.

Exactly. There are so many single men out there.

I think that some women choose a man who is ‘taken’ because it gives them an ego boost to feel that they’ve been picked over the man’s partner. I knew girls who targeted other girls’ boyfriends at school. They were more interested in ‘winning’ the boy than any relationship with them. I assumed they’d grow out of it. Maybe not.

Let’s face it you must lack morals in general even if you don’t “owe her/him anything”. Poor self esteem or a very inflated ego in the sense of those who want what they want and “know they can get it” it’s just not nice values for a good friendship.

No man or women who’s married and cheats is a prize to be won. No man or women who opens sleeps with a married person has any self respect. It’s all sad really.

Cheaters have no moral compass. And I don't want to associate with people like that. Male or female.

You can't really decide who someone thinks is a prize. You might not but clearly lots of women do otherwise 'the OW' wouldn't exist.

Of course they don't need a man, but if they WANT the man then they should be able to do as they please as they have no obligation to anyone.

Why should they be 'expected' to walk away, again, for a woman they don't even know?
Would you walk away from a job you really wanted if it meant a random person had to lose their position? I'm really intrigued to know.

Who really wants to be the bit on the side the sneaky link no commitment. Why not have a man/women who wants all of you or if it’s only sex just a single friends with benefits.