Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

’unknowingly’

If you’re having an affair with someone who is married or in a serious relationship then you know you’re causing harm to someone.

That’s not the same though.

The job situation was discussed at length earlier. The equivalent would be knowing and conspiring with your employer or potential employer to screw some over so you could have their job

If my employer wanted me to assist him screwing over an employee in another department so I could gain, I wouldn’t do it and I would be looking for a new employer. I would feel guilt if I joined in.

2 people applying for an open position isn’t the same at all.

Never knowingly undersold.

Do you know how much research John Lewis do to make this bold statement.

Slightly more than you apparently do.

How hard is it ?

Got a wife mate ....okidoke see ya !

Or the favourite...

This is not just any affair ...

This is an M & S affair, free from, guilt, pain,humiliation or consequenses.

🤗

@pocketvenuss There are plenty of comments on here suggesting that contrary to your assertions, some people do indeed hate the OW which by your reckoning means the OW is relevant and of importance. Sorry you have been cheated on but your obvious hatred is misdirected.

I don't get your response.
Where is my 'obvious hatred' ??

You do have responsibility for your own vile behavior- no one has said otherwise.

Yet you do not 🤔

Good luck with my non existent non monogamous partner

We can but live in hope that you be taken off the ow market.

When someone studiously uses dismissive language, saying others are not 'worthy' of your emotional energy...not special just availabile .....pffftt They aren't important enough to hate... it's obvious to everyone. You hate them. 😂

That's what becomes of you when sitting on the fence 😂

Aka the cool wife brigade.

@pocketvenuss When someone studiously uses dismissive language, saying others are not 'worthy' of your emotional energy...not special just availabile .....pffftt They aren't important enough to hate... it's obvious to everyone. You hate them. 😂

That's your opinion, which you are entitled to have.

@ViolinPin That's what becomes of you when sitting on the fence 😂
Aka the cool wife brigade.

I'm not sure if that was aimed at me, but if so I don't get it.

I’ve already explained many times that I have never been an ow and am posting from the perspective of someone whose dad had an affair.

As I said, I’m sorry your husband cheated but I do think your behavior indicates you need help and I would get it if I were you instead of making up things about strangers on the internet.

I'd question how serious the relationship is if one half is screwing around.

You sound deranged.

‘This is an M & S affair’

Did you mean S&M? If 2 people
aren’t sexually compatible then separating is probably the only way forward. An affair will only drag out the inevitable.

‘professional ow’

You mean sex workers? Not sure I would call them OW at all. They do get paid, so that their main - sole probably - motivation.
sex workers would also explain the difference in numbers of men cheating versus women cheating.

@pocketvenuss i asked if i do something knowing it will cause emotional damage or physical damage to another person am i not accountable for my actions because I don't know them and therefore owe them nothing? Obviously an OW is in no way accountable if she is tricked into being an OW by a MM, however she does become accountable when she finds out he isn't single yet still carries on with the affair! If the OW knew that the affair partner was married or in a long term serious relationship yet she still embarked on an affair with that person then she is equally responsible for causing huge emotional or physical damage to another human being!

You can hate both of them if you want - your feelings your emotions your hurt. For those of us with children - we still need to facilitate a relationship with the DF of their children. You either progress to all out war or work out a happy medium in your own head space to make this bearable.

The OW( family friend) I can hate as much as I like for completely different reasons and I did for a long time. The hatred of the act changed into hatred of the subsequent acts towards my children.

I moved on from the affair part relatively quickly - 18 months or so - but the collateral actions of both of them I will continue to hate them for- that will never be forgiven for either of them. They were both responsible for their actions and both were fully cogniscent of the relationships they were both in and the damage they would cause.

My opinion, my choice and my decision.

This thread is about to fill up
and disappear. Perhaps for the best!

It just comes down to basic human decency! Some have it and some very clearly don't!

Catching up, skimming over, same old lies, baseless accusations, hypocrisy and hoary old misogyny and double standards from the usual suspects, who really can't seem to think or cope without them. And have a really, really unhealthy level of investment in them. What is it that these people are using this stuff to avoid accepting? That their husbands really are such huge shits and really did do this to them?

Perhaps you are happy to be married to a sexual incontinent who remains faithful to you only as long as he can't find a woman to say yes. Perhaps you consider every other man in the world to be in some way responsible for your own fidelity. Perhaps you think men are all totally base animals who act entirely on instinct, can't reason, and that's the best you can ever hope for. Perhaps you think it's necessary to shag a MM before you can see him as an adult who is accountable for his commitments. Perhaps you think women are bints, sluts, materialists and vultures and you are happy to go with men who like the fact that you think that way.

That's your affair (ha ha). Thanks for keeping those dogs off the streets so those of us who don't agree with you are less likely to find ourselves shacked up with one of them. It would be partly your fault if we were. Apparently.

@Gotskeaswr This thread is about to fill up
and disappear. Perhaps for the best!

I'd tend to go along with that 🙂

Wow. A really pro women post!

I genuinely think that too many posters don’t know what misogyny is. Especially when they wrote it out themselves

What an odd rant

You're not listening. I'm not saying women are responsible for men. I'm saying they are responsible for themselves and what role they themselves play isn't blameless of harmless.
If it's two consenting adults they're both responsible for their own choices. Otherwise women are what, just passive receptacles?? That's so insulting and infantilising.
To believe women who sleep with married people have done something wrong and hurtful, isn't inherently misogynistic.
To believe anyone who sleeps with anyone married no matter the sex or sexual orientation of the people involved isn't misogynistic either. It could be any combination of man/woman, man/man, woman/woman and I'd feel the same.
Some people believe it's a shitty thing to do, some people believe the person not in the marriage owes those within it nothing - fair enough, difference of opinion.
But to write one camp off as purely coming from a place of woman hatred and the other from a more enlightened and progressive outlook is just plain wrong, and stupid.
I have a problem with the behaviour.
I remember reading once that half of married men and a third of married women are unfaithful. That's a lot of people and a lot of 'other people'.
Do I believe every one of those involved in cheating is inherently awful and worthless? Absolutely not.
Do I stand by my conviction that it's hurtful to cross boundaries with the commited partners of other people? Of course. I do think we all owe each other more than that, whatever the sex. It's a value, not misogyny.

You can take a post that objects to behaviour such as calling women bints and sluts, and making them responsible for men, and declare it misogynistic.

That doesn't actually make it so.

The crux of everything I'm saying is that men are 100% responsible for themselves and it's not right to make women their gatekeepers. (The point about the naysayers being accountable was ironic, in case you didn't realise.)

If you can't conceptualise that without female failure somewhere, I can't help you. It seems many people, including a depressing number of women, can't.

But hopefully, other posters (probably lurkers) can. I like to think society can evolve.

My favourite thing on Mumsnet is how posters proudly proclaim how much they have gone off sex and how “disgusting” it is that some people on here speak enthusiastically about their sex lives

and then these same posters (and I’ve seen it) run on here completely befuddled as to why their “D”H has left them for someone who doesn’t think the best thing in life is a cat, a cup of tea and a biscuit.

can someone help me reconcile this one?