Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

They hate the man who cheats as well for the same reason. They are both untrustworthy.

OP, I assume your family wasn’t ruined by the actions of an OW. That’s nice for you. Other people have seen their whole life destroyed.

You just don’t get involved with a married man. At least not knowingly. Yes, he’s part of the problem. But you don’t need to contribute to it also. A nice woman wouldn’t do that.

So, she knows the hurt of being cheated on and is now a part of a situation that could inflict that same feeling on to another woman?? Not someone I'd want round me to be honest.

@Oatmealbiscuits
sometimes they don't know they are the ow,
But when it's obvious, some people think the ow,
Should think about the woman in the relationship
Not engage with the affair, even if the other h, is the cheater,
Women solidarity ect,
A mix at a guess

In my case, there was an OW, and my ex was the OM. OW was also in a relationship at the time. I will never ever be able to trust another person with my heart again.

I divorced because I was cheated on. So actually I get it.

I'm not naïve. I just think if someone had been a friend for many years they need support, friendship is give and take, ups and downs and the world is truly shades of grey.

I once dropped a friend who was the OW, after first spending many months alternately trying to be there for her and (figuratively) trying to shake some sense into her.

She'd fallen hook line & sinker for the 'my Wife doesn't understand me, we don't sleep together anymore' bullshit.

My tolerance ran out when the Wife got pregnant, and even with his lies staring her in the face, my friend carried on with it. I can't be friends with someone I have no respect for and no common ground when it comes to morality.

(Full disclosure; my Dad left for his OW when I was a newborn. I'm now NC with him & never had an iota of respect for her).

Because it's grim.

Couldnt have said it better. It makes me angry when people say “she didn’t owe me anything”. I don’t owe strangers anything but I don’t treat them like shit. This mantra suggests that we only treat well, those who we are friends or family with. So so wrong.

Some women don’t know the bloke has a wife and kids. It’s all on the bloke in my book, it wouldn’t put me off being friends with someone at all.

Humans are overrated anyway.

She'll be lacking in morals and integrity. And just not a very nice person to do that to another person. Same with the husband of course however we are talking specifically about the OW here.

Putting briefly aside the morals of the situation, my experience with a former friend was I was being used as the excuse as to why she (both parties were married) wasn’t at home, yet she wasn’t with me, and rarely could be..

later on when they were discovered the finger was pointed at me as being the lag, yet it wasn’t as they were seen together by many from our place of work.

so definitely not a win win situation for friendship.

If someone is knowingly the OW, then that suggests to me that their morals/values are very different from mine. Of course, they aren't responsible for the man's failure to be faithful, but they are still a willing participant in something that has the potential to cause incredible hurt to someone. I think that's quite selfish and shows a lack of basic decency/regard for others that I wouldn't really want in a friend.

I would be civil and friendly to someone in this situation, of course, but I would realise from their choices that we weren't at all in the same page about what's important, and as such, I would rule out the possibility of any real friendship. Someone's values get to the very core of who they are, and I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who I couldn't really respect.

Any person male or female who decides to be the other person to a married person has the morals of an alley cat.

They are not trustworthy, and morally corrupt. Not qualities I tend to look for in friends funnily enough.

Honestly DH would massively judge one of his mates if they had an affair with someone's wife. I don't think it's just women who judge this behaviour at all.

🤔

There wouldn't be OW, if husbands weren't so willing to fuck up their families by sticking their dicks in other vaginas.

No I wouldn't end a friendship, but I wouldn't support them either.

Weird post

It makes me sad to see the dislike. I can dislike someone's actions without disliking them. My friend was also cheated on, and feels safer this way as she thinks she won't get hurt again, I've tried to say she will anyway but she needs therapy for that. I don't think she's a bad person.

Thing is, some actions reflect so badly on the person that it changes your view of them. If I saw someone I liked as a person hitting their child, it would make me rethink them as a person. Likewise if a friend of mine was the OW, it would make me rethink her qualities. I don't think someone can be kind, if they inflict that kind of damage on other people.

I still the behaviour of the married person as far, far worse. But some behaviour does outweigh much of the apparent good.

Women want to blame other women for adultery, rather than blaming their husbands. That's why.

But it's the men that do it. If there were no unfaithful men, there'd be no Other Women.

I would add that I might feel sorry for them, because I think being in that kind of relationship suggests a fundamental lack of self respect. I might even try to support a longstanding friend through the process of helping them realise that they could do better than being someone else's bit on the side. However, I would never feel the same about them again...I would lose all trust and respect for them, and at that point, any help or support that I might offer would be purely out of pity rather than genuine friendship.

God it’s like a mindless medieval lynch mob with some posters on here - as per usual the cheating men get a free pass to fuck up the marriage and the family but it’s the woman he shags who burns for it… misogyny pure and simple.

The only one at fault is the one who should love you enough to keep it in his pants. It doesn’t how much of a temptress or a ‘immoral whore’ or any of the other lovely names you paint the OW with, if he didn’t succumb, she wouldn’t be an issue.

Blame the scumbag cheating husband.

No one on here has said that the husband is not in the wrong. No one is defending him. It’s just that the question wasn’t about husbands at all, it wasn’t about being the wife, or even knowing the man who is cheating, it was specifically about being friends with the OW.

I find it quite sweet the amount of posts referencing the OW as young, naive, single.
When really most 'OW' are married themselves!

Alot of people have affairs that never get found out.

Not talking about partners we are talking about friends. I wouldn’t be friends with someone male or female who was knowingly the other person. To know about it would also mean they was basically bragging. Also not a good quality.