Why do women hate an OW?

[Oatmealbiscuits]

When a woman is seeing a married man, why do people say they wouldn't want her as a friend, in their lives anymore etc? Why are they judged solely on one thing when there may be so many other positives to their character.

I'm curious really, for the record I'm not an other woman, but my friend is. It's her business and I shall be there when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

If some posters on here had their way, she wouldn't have friends and would be isolated and lonely. I just don't think anyone deserves that when in reality it's the man who has taken vows.

*Thing is, some actions reflect so badly on the person that it changes your view of them. If I saw someone I liked as a person hitting their child, it would make me rethink them as a person. Likewise if a friend of mine was the OW, it would make me rethink her qualities. I don't think someone can be kind, if they inflict that kind of damage on other people.

I still the behaviour of the married person as far, far worse. But some behaviour does outweigh much of the apparent good. *

I agree, @WisherWood , it would change my view of them and it would be hard to come back from that. It reveals how they treat other people and a lack of kindness as you say. Not my sort of person.

no doubt affairs are hurtful- as I said above I come from a perspective of someone whose father had an affair. But you cannot blame women for them (as I refuse to blame my fathers mistress for his poor parenting or treatment of my mother- it’s his bad behavior and he’s not getting off with it).

I am not blaming women for men's affairs. Far from it. As for the suggestion that they OW are participating in abuse of the affair partner's wives, or the removal of their consent to sex, I find that extraordinary. The thread linked above gives far more detail as to why, than there's room to go into here.

You don’t owe the people on the bus not to do something that indirectly hurts their feelings, no. Particularly if you don’t know you are even doing it.

Well I'm not adversed to all the cheating men having an identifying mark stamped on their forhead to warn other unsuspecting victims.

Would the ow also be up for this mark of defiance, a statement of their conviction to the cause of misogyny and pride of being an ow.

A little badge maybe ?

Life would be a lot simpler for us unsophisticated types who only like banging monogamous types.

@MsPincher Men are responsible for their own cheating, ok we agree on this one, but women are not responsible for the consequence of their own actions?

Indeed- I don’t like vile misogynist language. How hilarious

This is literally the opposite of what you’re doing when you demonise the OW and blame them for the man’s actions. More often than not the married man will say his relationship isn’t working, his wife treats him badly, she’s also having an affair etc etc and the OW acts on that basis. Ultimately he is the one betraying his wife, not her. Women should support all women, both the wife and the OW who are both in a sense being misled and betrayed by the man in the middle.

But but but I find it really misogynist of you to say that a subgroup of women are a protected specie because they're too thick to own the consequences of their choices.

everyone is responsible for their own actions of course. But as in law,not necessarily for the consequences of their actions or the actions of others.

I never said that though as you must be well aware.

So you need not worry about that.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks wasnt saying you were - just making general point.

Oh I see it's ok to hurt someone as long as the law doesn't catch up with you.
It's kind of a Harvey Weinteinish line of thinking, but whatever works for you.

For me, it has always been the case that if a person is married, they are not available for a romantic/sexual relationship.
Regardless of how wonderful the man is, or the circumstances surrounding his marriage. A MM is always 'not available' in my mind so I have never had a relationship with one.

I don't think that's a moral decision for me as I am not thinking about what I should or shouldn't do with regard to his wife. It's more simply a case of black and white. A single person is available. A married person isn't available.

What goes wrong in the mind of the OW that she does not think along these lines?

There is very little my very good friends could do that would make me stop loving them. Similarly if an acquaintance had an affair or slept with a married man, I wouldn't be in a rush to judge them as a horrible person. It's not something I would do but people do all sorts of things and a stupid careless thing shouldn't mark them as awful for the rest of their life.

You never know what's actually going on with a person.

Indeed- I don’t like vile misogynist language. How hilarious

You are offended by language ? that's interesting, and why should we be bothered ? Because it's unkind ?

But you are a stranger and we have no accountability of our actions and language towards you, all responsibilty void, who the hell are you that requires my respect ?

We are not reponsible to stangers and unknowns. In fact I would gladly sleep with your partner, (when you get that one that you want to be monogamous with) I look good, I'm fabulously wealthy and I'm single, I'm sure he'd love a go.

😋

Well this thread will fill up soon, so, in sum:

There are two different misdemeanours here:

1. Cheating on your spouse. This is a betrayal and if you do it, it's 100% on you.
2. Having sex with someone who is married, and who you know is married, but whose spouse doesn't know about you.

As far as I'm concerned, whilst the second is not as bad as the first, it's still bad. It's not the behaviour I would look for in a friend.

However, some people aren't separating these out clearly. To some people, the OW is responsible for male sexuality. She is the temptress and he's just a man, being a man, and being led by his dick.

Now, that is not an attitude I support. I hold the man responsible for what he did. But I can nonetheless also think the woman isn't acting in a particularly laudable way. And I can do this without being misogynist. I find it problematic because she's responsible for what she's doing, and what she's doing is having sex with someone she knows made vows to someone else. He's the major problem but I wouldn't trust her that much either.

And I thought that when I was single. It's not about thinking someone might steal my man away. It's about honesty and not wanting to hurt others, whether or not you made a direct vow to them.

You do have responsibility for your own vile behavior- no one has said otherwise.

good luck with my non existent non monogamous partner.

Oh no you did say it, you said they don't owe people to not to hurt them indirectly. If you'd throws a brick over a wall and hurt someone and then argue that you just threw the brick and you're not responsible for hurting the person, you'd be evaluated to assess your cognitive abilities.

Agreed - as. I said not something I think is a good thing but in itself not something I would drop a close friend over.

@Amybelle88 - is that supposed to be aimed at me because I’m mixed race? Racist as well as sexist are you?

😂😂😂👏👏

Oh. My. God. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Honestly, if I didn't laugh, I'd cry.

How. The. Fuck. Would I. Know. You. Are. Mixed. Race. 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

It's a very, very famous internet meme that people post when they are confused by someone/something.

But yeah, clearly, CLEARLY I'm racist, nameless/faceless poster on a virtually anonymous Internet forum.

Also, yes, you're correct, my opinion of a woman or person being responsible for their actions makes me sexist.

Nothing gets past you, does it?!

😂😭😂😭😂😭

If I do something that immensely hurts someone on the bus that I don't know and don't have a clue my actions are hurting then no, I would feel no guilt. I'd feel sorry for them if I discovered they had been hurt but not guilt that it was due to something I had done. For example if I applied for and got a job and someone I don't know missed out and therefore lost their house and their marriage collapsed and the. I found out, I would not feel guilty. I'd feel sorry for them but not guilty. Surely you don't go around in a state of horror at all the unknown disasters you are unknowingly causing to people you are not aware of