Too old, too fat?

[WoofWoofMooWoof]

I need somewhere to rant. I went for a job interview today at my DC's school - they know me there. I do what I can to help the school out whenever I am able. It is an Ofsted outstanding school and I've always had the biggest respect for the teachers there.

There are two positions and they only interviewed three people. It was an 'interview day' where we had a tour of the school, met the team etc, and were then interviewed separately. The whole thing took three hours. Me and another lady did the interview day together and the third lady was interviewed later, after school, so I didn't get to meet her. The other lady and I had quite a bit of time alone together in the staff room and we chatted a lot. She owned a restaurant which she sold to open a wine bar, and she only wanted the job so she wouldn't be bored during the day when the bar isn't open. She's never even been to the school before. I am a single mother desperate to find a job so I can feed my kids who are pupils at the school.

However, I am 51 and fat, and she's in her 40s, pretty and slender.

I thought the interview went very well (despite me having bad side effects from my second Covid booster earlier in the week).

Got a phone call from the head teacher this evening saying that I am employable, but I was unsuccessful because the other candidates were stronger and had experience working in a school. This despite the fact that I have 32 years admin experience and the other lady owns a bloody wine bar!

AIBU to be totally pissed off at him blatantly lying to me? To me it's very obvious they've decided to hire the younger, prettier model?

AIBU to have lost all respect for the school and the head?

May I ask which bit you believe he was lying about in his feedback?

How do you know they’re lying and that they didn’t give the job to the other person that you didn’t meet, who may have had more experience?

Maybe it came across that you feel more entitled to the job just because you need one and have kids at the school.

I can’t see that there’s any reason for you to have lost ‘all respect for the school and the head’, although I understand your disappointment. The school is doing the right thing by employing the person they think is the best fit for the job.

Well, the other lady owned a restaurant and now a wine bar. From what I could tell she's never actually been employed, and definitely not in a school.

Could she have worked in a school before she got into the hospitality industry?

Because there were 2 posts and only 3 candidates, so the other two ladies got the jobs.

Could they have potentially offered her less money because she didn't have experience? I find more often than not these things come down to money.

Would you have preferred them to give specific reasons why they chose other people over you? Maybe the other lady did have more experience and the head was just being polite.

It doesn’t sound like either of you have done the exact job they’re looking for before so you just need to accept that you lost out this time, without any hard feelings about the people you send your children to every day.

I find it odd the head saying you’re employable. It’s not something I’d have said to a job applicant.
It’s frustrating but there’s a job out there for you. Make sure your CV is absolutely A1 and professional looking, practice interview Q and As at home and keep looking.

The Wine Bar lady may have exaggerated her experience, you may have a call to say that she isn’t suitable and the offer of the job.

don’t be so ridiculous

Or having owned and managed a people facing business, she may be exactly what they want. Owning a business means extensive accounting, administrative and operational expertise.

I got my job in a school whilst old and fat
I was promoted recently- when I was older and fatter!

There are some places where I can imagine being old and fat - to use your words - might present an unspoken barrier. But absolutely not in a school. No way.

I've been part of recruiting staff at various levels for a school and I can honestly say hand on heart that their appearance didn't factor into the decision for a single second. There are staff in many different positions who are all ages, shapes and sizes at every school I've been in (I was a senior school governor so in my role I went to lots of different local schools for various reasons).

My initial thought was similar to a PP - the lady who owns her own wine bar and previously ran a business will have considerable transferable skills which could be a real asset to a school. Alternatively, there may have only been three candidates on the day but perhaps there were also internal candidates who were interviewed separately?

You say you "thought the interview went very well (despite me having bad side effects from my second Covid booster earlier in the week)". I wonder if actually you didn't come across as well as you think?

I have to add that this isn't the first time this has happened. I've been for loads of interviews and every single time the younger, prettier, slimmer candidate got the job.

They’re probably not hiring you as you clearly have a massive chip on your shoulder

jumped the shark a bit there 🧌

This, with excellent organisational skills and working to strict deadlines, having probably used numerous software packages including spreadsheets and databases.

They are all very strong transferable skills.

What skills were you bringing to the role OP? Genuine question.

I thought this too.

What was the job? Was it a dinner lady? If so the hospitality experience would be relevant.

When you say you are 'fat' - are you plump, or morbidly obese? If the latter, yes, it may have an impact on your ability to do the job - depending on what the role entails.

But it is more likely to be the way the other candidates came across in the interview. Perhaps they seemed more positive/proactive? Also, if the wine bar lady didn't really need the job, she may have seemed more confident - it meant a lot more to you, so you may have come across as nervous?

Try not to take it personally. Job interviews can be fraught

This is your issue not theirs. You really don’t know about her experience or how well she interviewed.

I’m sorry you’re desperate for a job but that’s not the school’s problem. Maybe they didn’t want to hire a parent. Don’t leap to it being about your weight and age when there is zero indication that’s what it’s about.

How do you have 32 years of experience at 51 if you were a “SAHM for years”, according to your previous job-hunting thread?

Statistically speaking, if you're old and fat, many many women are younger and thinner than you are.

What was your history and work experience relevant to the job?

Running your own successful business requires a raft of skills that would be useful in an administrative role.

Statistically speaking, if you're old and fat, many many women are younger and thinner than you are.

What was your history and work experience relevant to the job?

Running your own successful business requires a raft of skills that would be useful in an administrative role.

Also, why would a school even care how thin and pretty you are? I could understand your insecurity if it was a front of house role in a hip bar or something, but in an office, nobody gives a shit what you look like.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I'm really not. I'm a cool, calm, collected person. It's just a fact that looks are prioritised.