Too old, too fat?

[WoofWoofMooWoof]

I need somewhere to rant. I went for a job interview today at my DC's school - they know me there. I do what I can to help the school out whenever I am able. It is an Ofsted outstanding school and I've always had the biggest respect for the teachers there.

There are two positions and they only interviewed three people. It was an 'interview day' where we had a tour of the school, met the team etc, and were then interviewed separately. The whole thing took three hours. Me and another lady did the interview day together and the third lady was interviewed later, after school, so I didn't get to meet her. The other lady and I had quite a bit of time alone together in the staff room and we chatted a lot. She owned a restaurant which she sold to open a wine bar, and she only wanted the job so she wouldn't be bored during the day when the bar isn't open. She's never even been to the school before. I am a single mother desperate to find a job so I can feed my kids who are pupils at the school.

However, I am 51 and fat, and she's in her 40s, pretty and slender.

I thought the interview went very well (despite me having bad side effects from my second Covid booster earlier in the week).

Got a phone call from the head teacher this evening saying that I am employable, but I was unsuccessful because the other candidates were stronger and had experience working in a school. This despite the fact that I have 32 years admin experience and the other lady owns a bloody wine bar!

AIBU to be totally pissed off at him blatantly lying to me? To me it's very obvious they've decided to hire the younger, prettier model?

AIBU to have lost all respect for the school and the head?

Wow, you really have a lovely way about you, don't you? And you think I have a bad attitude?

Agree. I read that earlier and thought it was a shocking answer, definitely sounded like ganging up and attempting to bully the manager! I think it far more likely that this was the reason OP was not successful than because of her weight or age.

If the school chose looks over ability, why would you want to work there?

In any case, I'm sure there is more to the other woman than you know, you barely met her. Just move on and update your interview technique, learn from the experience.

Good luck.

@Devon01 Sorry but it's not your place to say who can post what and where.

Maybe the school don't like employing parents with kids there.

@WoofWoofMooWoof well, If you prefer people calling your son 'her' and telling you they're only attention seeking, then of course I'll shut up and let you and your son continue to be patronised

The OP raised the subject because they consider it directly relevant to the discussion on her circumstances.

The OP has referred to DC2 as DD or "her" throughout the thread, including stressing how pretty "she" was and would be able to use "her" looks to get on well in life.

My daughter is still early teens, but she's drop dead gorgeous - flawless porcelain skin, corkscrew curls, huge bright blue eyes. She's going to be able to get things and opportunities in life just by batting her eyelids lol

So presumably the OP considers it relevant and therefore added it to the discussion thread.

Perhaps we should all check in with you in future to check all subjects and posts meet with your approval.

Please don't do your daughter a disservice by referring to her as "he" and using terms like "deadname". She's clearly had a traumatic time of it with her sister and that will have had an effect. She needs support and therapy, not to start down a dangerous route towards self mutilation and infertility. She's a child.

If all other things were equal OP, and by that I mean, exactly equal, and there was literally nothing to pick between you, I think its reasonable to say that the younger slimmer prettier person would be chosen. Many studies have shown that more attractive candidates are viewed more positively, and we know there is bias against older women.
However, it is extremely rare that two candidates are ever exactly equal. There is almost always one that scores more highly. Had that been you, I can't imagine a panel deciding to take the inferior candidate over you, just on the basis of her looks. In some jobs, maybe, but this one, very doubtful.
If I were you I'd ask them if they would give specific feedback. What did you score on the questions? What did higher scoring answers look like? They may refuse, but its worth asking.

People who haven't had personal experience of this don't understand, so I explained. But I wasn't rude about it!

@C8H10N4O2

I have twins. DD is the one I was describing. DS is my afab son.

My son has been saying he wants to be a boy when he grows up since he was 4, and he's now 14. It's not a passing phase. I'm not doing him a disservice. He's happy living as a boy, much happier than he ever was as a girl.

Whilst I agree with all the pps saying that she MAY have been the best person for the job, its very annoying that the Head lied (unless she could have had school experience long ago which she hadn't mentioned... seems unlikely from your conversation.
And obviously pretty privilege is a thing.
BUT I think your therapist experience sounds absolutely invaluable for a pastoral support role in these post pandemic times. They missed out. And she may not last... such roles are underpaid and require a special kind of person, unless she's passionate about it the role may come up again before too long.

She has another DC, who is a female, who she was talking about in those comments. Smart arse

Not in that line of discussion.

And even if that is retrospectively corrected, both children have been described as TD1 and TD2 right up until the post where TD2 had come out as trans ( to use the OP's phrasing).

But do continue to let us know what we are allowed to post on the thread. Perhaps a handy checklist?

I'd imagine they gave it to the candidate you didn't meet, who may well have worked in school admin before.

Us plain janes batting our eyelashes never got us anywhere.

FFS.

No-one needs to bat their eyelashes. Plain or otherwise.

Attractiveness is also subjective. And changeable. I've often met people I thought initially were gorgeous & as I knew them, felt differently. And vice versa.

It's awful you think these comments are funny. In any way.

I called them DTD1 and DTD2 as I was trying to be too outing.

No, I'm just not blind to the fact that more attractive people attract more attention.

Yes, beautiful people and be ugly and not so beautiful people can be beautiful, but as far as first impressions go, good looking people get first attention.

Beautiful people can be ugly that should say.

I can see why people are flipping about the batting eyelashes comments tbh.
It does devalue someone's work if they are considered even slightly attractive which would be... Simply average

It was lighthearted!

as first impressions go, good looking people get first attention.

🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe.

But first impressions mean little; they certainly don't equate to being given a job, as that's done on more than first impressions.

And it's subjective - someone I find gorgeous you might not at all.

Anyway, you just need to stop blaming your lack of a job on your appearance (which I'm sure is perfectly fine). You've clearly got a lot going on in your life beyond this.

'I am a calm person who is always there for others. I love to laugh and have a great sense of humour. It was just a bad day, and I reacted to it on here, where people don't know me.'

Bit narcassistic... only people I even met who self describe in such smoke blowing ways are usually the opposit of the discription.

You can't self state you have a 'great sense of humour' as its entirely subjective and for others to decide etc...