Too old, too fat?

[WoofWoofMooWoof]

I need somewhere to rant. I went for a job interview today at my DC's school - they know me there. I do what I can to help the school out whenever I am able. It is an Ofsted outstanding school and I've always had the biggest respect for the teachers there.

There are two positions and they only interviewed three people. It was an 'interview day' where we had a tour of the school, met the team etc, and were then interviewed separately. The whole thing took three hours. Me and another lady did the interview day together and the third lady was interviewed later, after school, so I didn't get to meet her. The other lady and I had quite a bit of time alone together in the staff room and we chatted a lot. She owned a restaurant which she sold to open a wine bar, and she only wanted the job so she wouldn't be bored during the day when the bar isn't open. She's never even been to the school before. I am a single mother desperate to find a job so I can feed my kids who are pupils at the school.

However, I am 51 and fat, and she's in her 40s, pretty and slender.

I thought the interview went very well (despite me having bad side effects from my second Covid booster earlier in the week).

Got a phone call from the head teacher this evening saying that I am employable, but I was unsuccessful because the other candidates were stronger and had experience working in a school. This despite the fact that I have 32 years admin experience and the other lady owns a bloody wine bar!

AIBU to be totally pissed off at him blatantly lying to me? To me it's very obvious they've decided to hire the younger, prettier model?

AIBU to have lost all respect for the school and the head?

Maybe the other candidates didn't have kids at all, therefore less likely to be asking for emergency time off etc.

There are so many reasons you may not have got the job OP.

I can't see you but just by the way you are coming across on here is not giving me great vibes tbh.

I think unconscious bias is a difficult thing to overcome. We’re all naturally drawn to different people for different reasons.

The other woman sounds quite energetic, having a job and wanting another to keep her busy. You said you weren’t well, you might have come across as lacking in energy. I would have been drawn to the livelier candidate.

Good grief.

You went for an interview at a school " probably" in the early stages of flu?!

Terrifying.

I would have actually questioned whether the Head had made a mistake as when you and the other candidate were chatting about prior experience she was saying she had never worked in a school before.
Did they mean to call her to let her down instead

Act perfectly innocent and let them squirm.

Must admit I wouldn’t be doing anything more for the school.
Wonder if they think you are doing a lot for free so why bother paying you.
I also would have pointed out that whilst it was nice of them to say you were employable, but not by them.

I do think the more you do for people the less they respect you.

I don't know (and nor can you, not for sure) about whether or not your physical appearance was a factor in you not getting the job. Or completely irrelevant.

However, I do agree that someone who openly states in front of the interviewing panel that they only want the job to relieve boredom does not, on the face of it, seem like a very impressive candidate. Whatever other qualifications and experience they may have, common sense/appropriateness isn't one of them.

And it does appear that the head teacher may not have been entirely straightforward with their feedback.

I hope something better comes up for you soon.

The job is part of the pastoral team.

I wouldn’t be giving off great vibes if someone had blatantly lied to me.

Why would you do any of that if you want any kind of ongoing relationship with the school?

If someone phoned me to faux innocently ask whether I’d phoned the wrong person after a recruitment exercise, I would never interview them again for any role even if they were eminently suitable. And I’d give them a wide berth any time I encountered them at the school in future too.

Sadly yeah. It shows and people really don't realise how much.

While there will probably be some drops of the age and weight as well, the way you are talking about the bar owner... These things really seep out

While you can have experience with admin, so can she. Loads of people were doing 2 jobs when opening business.

Lastly, it can also very much be covid. You are interviewing as you are, not as you may or may not be in a month unless it's something like broken arm. Brain fog etc are serious and could easily cost you interview.

I don’t think they should have interviewed a parent for a role in the pastoral team in the first place either unless they were absolutely desperate for candidates.

People who pretend that appearances aren't held against you in pretty much every area of life live in a fantasy world.

@Kennykenkencat what absolutely perfectly idiotic advice. Unless you want to sound like a complete nutcase.

I am not feeling well at all so no, I'm probably not coming off the best lol. It's all I can do just to keep upright. I am really a good person (at least I think so) - my friends describe me as a kind, generous person who will go out of my way to help others. I even regularly do random acts of kindness (anonomously).

It doesn’t matter why WoofWoofMooWoof didn’t get the job. It is the fact that the head lied.

One thing being told you didn’t get the job and being told that the reason was something that you either knew you were weak in or knew you didn’t have the experience in a particular area compared to the other candidate
Quite another being told that the other candidate had better experience when you know that to be a lie

Your experience doesn't sound suitable for a school. You sound very much like an IT person and I wonder what your actual people/ soft skills are like?

I know it's hard to accept, but jobs are offered as much on a 'personality fit' as they are on experience and qualifications.

Also, how do you know that 'prettier and slimmer' women get the jobs you have tried for? It's not always necessary to have block interviews and meet other candidates.

You come over here as a bit chippy. Maybe your people-skills need addressing.
Do you come over as unfriendly perhaps? or too over-bearing? Or not warm enough?

These are the things you also need to consider. They can't be shown on your CV so it's something that is coming over in the interview that's the issue.

Why are you assuming it is because of this and not because of your interview technique, skills, experience, etc? YABU because you don't actually know how the other candidates came across in their interviews.

@Kennykenkencat That's a really odd thing to post. There is no proof that the head lied. We or the OP don't know the precise details of the other women's careers.

Maybe the OP doesn't come over well in interviews.

There is more to being offered a job than experience. It's about how someone fits into the team. In a small school where everyone is working closely, she possibly came over as just not the type of person they felt was right for the team.

Why when you know what the people are saying is a complete lie?

Do you never pull someone up when they are telling you lies?

So you basically primed them tho think that you may be likely to take sick leave in the near future?

I’m a teacher, I work with people of all ages, shapes and sizes, I really doubt that your age or weight were the main factors here. In many other sectors I’d believe it, but not in schools. My mum got her first ever school job at the age of 56, she is significantly overweight and hadn’t worked for over 30 years (was a SAHM and then full time career to elderly parents, then full time career for my dad). She started as a dinner lady but is now a play worker in the breakfast and after school clubs.

Being 'fat' is a possible health issue and may have future impacts on the job. Maybe they looked at all issues? However much we try not to, many people regard obese people as lacking in self control. If it's a front facing job perhaps they want someone to reflect the ethos of the school. Not nice to say this but perhaps get healthier and fitter and when this woman gets bored with the job they will see you as a better candidate

But we do know the Head lied.

If this woman said she had never worked in a school and the head said she had more experience of working in a school than WoofWoofMooWoof then it is a lie.

I told them I was having side effects from the Covid booster I had. It's not an 'illness', it's reacting to a vaccine.

I know someone who always scores low on interviews because she just can't put the information firward as needed. She even lost out on exactly same jobs she does, just for different departments, yet she is praised when doing the job.
She just really sucks in interviews poor soul