Teacher’s assistant lying 🤥

[Babycakes6]

So I was waiting to pick up my child and saw another mum who is always pushing in, at the school queue, in front of my child.

I saw her do it again in the morning and while waiting to pick up our children, I told her I saw her doing it again and asked her not to do it. She waved her hand at me and told me ‘you’ve got a problem’. The next morning the headteacher asked me to come in and asked ‘why was I making another parent cry’. I told her what was said but she said that the teacher’s assistant ( who wasn’t there at the time) reported me.
I tried to talk to the assistant and told her that I wasn’t yelling and the other mum wasn’t crying but she said she saw her crying and that ‘we have to agree to disagree’. I am gobsmacked and how do I deal with lying? Why would she lie?

What should I do?
AIBU - let it go
AINBU- complain

If you are specific filming a crime in action that the school are refusing to acknowledge its whistleblowing and completely allowed.

OP is not randomly filming other children and sharing it online.

NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.
Why have no other teachers or parents noticed that a parent is assaulting a small child daily in front of the whole playground?

I haven’t read the whole thread only the op’s posts but my advice would be to email the head with factual, non emotional details as to the events how you saw them. include puuting in writing a complaint about the other mother’s “bullying” moves and the impact on your dc. Say you understand that it isn’t appropriate for you to take matters into your own hands so you look forward to productive conversations going forward with regards to how the school will be managing the situation.

God just do t make problems at the school why would you do that.

You've been subjected to some bizarre schoolground behaviour court.
The important thing is to calm down and analyse the situation. Put in writing to the school that you did not abuse the other mother in any way and that you're unhappy with how you've been treated. The crux of the matter seems to be that you're concerned about another parent handling your child and that's completely wrong. Ask for a risk assessment of the pick up process, express your concerns around safe guarding and health and safety.

This. It's embarrassing behaviour. The mums act like children. There's no hope for the kids

Report it to the police ffs 🤦🏼‍♀️

With respect I think it would be best for you to calm down, take a step back and re think . Schools and teachers are very busy places- underfunded, underpaid, under appreciated. Your child will directly benefit if you approach this calmly and de escalate.
Then the school can get on with their job - to educate and care for children. Policing parents who can't behave and sort out petty disagreements in a playground should not be taking up their time.

What stands out for me is that this has been going on for over a year, the OP has, at best let's say "argued" publicly with the other mother on more than one occasion, clearly is on the radar of the school after "arguing" with the TA, seems to be around school all day witnessing things happening to her own child, yet is the one being threatened with a ban from school premises.
Either:

The HT, the TA and the other parent are ganging up against the OP and her child, or,
The OP is verbally abusing the whole lot of them for a perceived slight.

Realistically speaking- which is more likely?

While this is somewhat agreeable there's a DC that is said to have been, and by the sound of it more than once pushed about by a adult while on the school grounds.
Now the adult knows that the Head and TA sided with her is she likely to carry on.

That is what this Headteacher should be investigating it's part of her job a child being "manhandled" not two parents having a ding dong.

@katepilar
OP didnt go to talk to the head after the chair incident. She talked to the head when she was called in on this last occasion.

She did go to the head after the chair incident. You have literally quoted where she said she did in the post saying she didn't.

Do you think there is any possibility at all that the TA was not lying?

That the woman did cry and the TA did see her cry?

As an adult the Head can fuck off asking why I made another adult cry!!!!

Not if she's crying or they're arguing in front of children. That can be distressing for them.

Thank you so much for all of your advice and suggestions! 🙏I found some really good points and suggestions and wrote a letter to the Head.

I thanked her for the meeting but said that I feel it was too focused on the very exaggerated report by someone who wasn’t even there at the time and that I feel that my issues were not addressed.

Then I said that I thought my exchange with another parent was my own business but understand her point that it happened on the school ground and therefore she got involved. However, my child was pushed by an adult on the school ground so, following the same logic, it makes it a school problem too but it wasn’t addressed in our meeting.

Then I said something suggested in this thread ‘I understand that I shouldn’t be taking the issue into my own hands so I am looking forward to working on the issues’. I enclosed all the (approximate) dates when I saw the other mum pushing in the queue.
I said that, from now on, I will call a member of staff. I mentioned that I understand she thinks it’s disturbing for children that parents are having a discussion or disagreement but it might also Just like me having a discussion with another parent on the school grounds- calling a member of staff and raising the issue whilst in the queue with children could be also distressing for other children in the queue? So my suggestion was to point the cctv towards the queue or if they could revise the queuing system as not allow parents in the line-up.

I also wrote to a 2 other schools in the neighbourhood and asked for a waiting list.

Thank you all, very helpful comments! 🙏

If she does it all the time, film her discreetly and put in your own complaint. She should not be touching your child!

The TA could be a friend or the child be a ‘favourite’. Stand and wait with your child. Playground politics

I totally agree with this

Check Facebook to see if the teaching assistant and the other mum are friends

YANBU however from experience watch your back.

We had a situation with a pushy mum, she volunteered in school regularly and knew lots of the staff. She acted like she was staff herself.

DD told me that during a class activity where this woman was volunteering, a group including DD were taken back to the classroom to do some reading. The volunteer mum escorted DD and two others back. Apparently, DD and her friend were laughing. This woman shouted at them both and DD was really unsettled and cried. At which point DD said she grabbed her wrist and pulled her along the corridor.

Now, no other adults saw this but DDs friend told her mum too. I spoke to the school who said they would ensure DD wasn't alone with the volunteer again and that they would speak to her directly about it.

Queue sudden filthy death stares amongst her little group of mums. I could take that on the chin quite happily. What I was less inclined to put up with was two teachers and a classroom assistant openly sneering at me. DDs teacher actually berated me about how I had "upset" the volunteer mum and she was baffled as "all the staff are" of why DD would "lie" about her. I tried to explain that it wasn't just DD and that another child had been upset and told her mum and she said "yes but her mum doesn't come and demand the volunteer is sacked and banned from being around children".

This wasn't what I said at all. But that was what the volunteer told anyone who was happy enough to side with her BS.

If this mum in your situation is matey with classroom staff, watch what you do next. Because trust me I had 3 years of sneering, tattle and gossip. DD stopped being invited to lots of things and we were genuinely treated like scumbags. And she was the one in the wrong!

Perhaps she has a job to rush off to. You have no need to dwell, just watch Midsomer Murders and have a teacake.

Next time you see said mum arrive at the que you whip out your phone & start filming. If she pushes in again you ask her to not do that again & record her reaction to your simple request. If said TA makes another complaint against you you pull out the clip of the interaction & have her eat her words.
I’d be inclined to push in in-front of pushy in mum if she does it again just to make a physical point too.

Makes me wonder if TA & pushy mum know each other outside of school or are related…

Op, let it go. The head will now need to respond to you and take up more time from the children. Issues such as these sap all the time away from teaching and learning.

That is terrifying and a very similar situation to my situation now.
This mum also volunteers a lot. She is not popular with other mums due to constant bragging about her child being the most talented in the class. However, she is matey with teachers and staff ( to ensure her DD gets into all clubs, gets to play all instruments etc). As a result her DD is in all clubs and teachers’ favourite, however I understand, from other children, that she is overconfident, bossy and pushy like her mum.

I practiced role playing with my DD this weekend to show her her to act when bullied or pushed, but my DD said that she wouldn’t scream or call a teacher because she thinks that would get her in trouble 😭 It makes me really sad.
I think I should find another school, she is only 7 and this is just so mean.

I still find it hard to believe that TA would lie, so irresponsible! She is working with small children, surely she wouldn’t do this?
As some people pointed out, she was probably fed the pushy mum’s version of events. Still, it is irresponsible to report something you didn’t see. The school is outstanding according to Ofsted 🙈