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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher’s assistant lying 🤥

229 replies

Babycakes6 · 08/10/2022 01:35

So I was waiting to pick up my child and saw another mum who is always pushing in, at the school queue, in front of my child.

I saw her do it again in the morning and while waiting to pick up our children, I told her I saw her doing it again and asked her not to do it. She waved her hand at me and told me ‘you’ve got a problem’. The next morning the headteacher asked me to come in and asked ‘why was I making another parent cry’. I told her what was said but she said that the teacher’s assistant ( who wasn’t there at the time) reported me.
I tried to talk to the assistant and told her that I wasn’t yelling and the other mum wasn’t crying but she said she saw her crying and that ‘we have to agree to disagree’. I am gobsmacked and how do I deal with lying? Why would she lie?

What should I do?
AIBU - let it go
AINBU- complain

OP posts:
JocelynBurnell · 08/10/2022 10:35

I’d be more annoyed as to why the head teacher believes this is a issue for her to intervene with.

Considering the behaviour of the parents concerned, it is likely the headteacher simply forgot that she wasn't dealing with five-year-olds.

Jedsnewstar · 08/10/2022 10:36

Wtf has it got to to with the head if you have an argument with a parent. Your not one of her school children. Tell her and the TA to do one ffs.

Jedsnewstar · 08/10/2022 10:36

You’re

ThreeWarriors · 08/10/2022 10:37

It seems to me that the headteacher doesn’t want arguments in the playground and rather than dealing with the problem parent directly, they’d rather just silence you.

Where is the class teacher in all of this? The teacher and TA should be working together and monitoring the situation and calmly asking the mum to move to the back whenever she tries to push in.

It seems that the TA has been very unprofessional getting caught up in the drama of it all and whipping this up into more than it is. I would make an official complaint about her lying. She is the person who should have calmly asked pushy mum to move to the back.

When pushed, pardon the pun 😆, these mums often back down because they realise they’ve totally embarrassed themselves in front of the other parents and carers so you might find you’ve already dealt with the problem - I can’t remember if you said it was still happening or not OP?

TwoWrightFeet · 08/10/2022 10:37

If the TA tried that with me, she would be the one crying.

Original poster
Babycakes6 · 08/10/2022 10:42

Sunnyqueen · 08/10/2022 10:00

The headteacher is a jumped up busy boddy. The TA is a bullshitter, her and the parent probably know each other somehow. Can't believe people on here would be okay with some random stranger manhandling their child!
But yeah if you can move, move. I would bet my bottom dollar the school will now start picking at you for every minor thing. No point complaining because they will all just cover each other's backsides.

Yes that’s why I didn’t sleep last night. The head said to me I am making it worse for my child and it was a bit threatening saying I would be banned. She did explain it , she said she can’t have people fighting in the school playgrounds as it will negatively effect children. I see her point of view but I am very worried about her thinking I am aggressive attacking other mums. I don’t understand why she is thinking that, I told her about this problem last year, she reassured me it would be fine. Then I saw it again and had to tell the other mother that she should stop coming close to my child. That’s all I said. And where am I going to say it, I only see her on the school grounds?

OP posts:
Tiswa · 08/10/2022 10:43

This school isn’t working for you at all - change schools and get out of the environment

at ours doors open now at 8:30 and in they go

Rocketclub · 08/10/2022 10:45

You mean you are asked to sign your child in if you are late? That’s normal -it’s not a naughty book

if your daughter is being pushed by an adult - report it as assault - that is safeguarding

don’t yell or raise your voice

simply state x has just assaulted my child at the main desk

Mumofsend · 08/10/2022 10:46

I'd assume there's a reason she is front of the queue. The rest is all ridiculous.

FacebookPhotos · 08/10/2022 10:48

I can’t believe people are suggesting filming the playground! That would be an automatic ban from school grounds in my (secondary) school. Definitely don’t do that.

C152 · 08/10/2022 10:49

Our school is the same. The gates open about 15 min before the start of school and parents can either just drop their kids off or wait with them until their teacher comes to collect them. Some parents do end up waiting in line with their child, so I can see how easy it would be for a rude, pushy parent to shove other children out of their way.

I was going to say let it go, until I read your post about the Head threatening to ban you from the school for fighting with another parent. Telling an adult not to assault your child is not a fight. I would write a formal letter of complaint and escalate it up the various levels if you don't get an appropriate response about their taking their duty of care responsibilities seriously. In the meantime, if it is possible, I would look for another school.

ThreeWarriors · 08/10/2022 10:49

OP, at a minimum, the school should be ensuring that parents/carers don’t queue up with the children. The woman has been pushing your child ffs, they need to take that seriously. TBH this should like a very weak and unfair headteacher if they’ve turned this on you because they don’t have the balls to deal with pushing-in. If pushymum is touching your child in the playground, it is her that should he banned.

I really hope the head and TA see this thread and are able to learn from it.

Original poster
Babycakes6 · 08/10/2022 10:49

Mumofsend · 08/10/2022 10:46

I'd assume there's a reason she is front of the queue. The rest is all ridiculous.

My daughter is not in front of the queue. I am trying to leave her there so I can dash off. But wherever my daughter is, this woman and her daughter come and push in, in front. It is very strange and it does look like bullying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Babycakes6 · 08/10/2022 10:53

My daughter is timid and always tries to be at the back of the queue. However, sometimes I try to get here in the lineup early so I can leave.
But if I am not in a hurry, she is definitely the last one in the lineup.

OP posts:
TheTantrumoftheToddlerIsThere · 08/10/2022 10:57

It’s rubbish that this has happened. I imagine the pushy parent has gone to the TA to complain about you and had the full water works going to evoke sympathy:

In hindsight, you probably should have reported the pushing to a member of staff and let them deal with it.

I would just keep reporting this from now on. Every time you see her push a child, report it. If it continues to happen, ask why this is the Xth number of time you have reported it and nothing has been done to combat it. If she continues to keep doing it and hasn’t been banned from school grounds tell them you will be reporting to safeguarding/OFSTED because they are not keeping pupils safe:

Keep a record of all incidents. For example, maybe speak to the teacher/assistant to report and follow it up with an email to admin/head teacher reiterating what has happened and who you have reported it to whoever. That way you have evidence to back you up.

Rocketclub · 08/10/2022 10:59

And also papertrail

email exactly what happened and state x is assaulting my child on a daily basis and not treating the children with respect etc

I stated to x ‘don’t touch my child …’ or whatever you said I was y metres away and these other parents were witnesses and then I was told this
and threatened with …. Insert actual words

is this a school that accepts parents assaulting other peoples children etc

but really I would move

my son went to an outstanding primary, one my daughter had thrived at - I knew and had dealt with the headteachers husband in a role as a governor at a previous school she had my child crying on the first day and just kept going. She wouldn’t refer him for an EHCP saying he didn’t have SEN. I went via the county council he was fast tracked and got a full EHCP which is in place until at least year 6. I complained to the head of the academy trust about her behaviour and I had a huge paper trail.

complaint was upheld by the academy head and she was formally disciplined but she kept her job.
I relocated shortly after but she would have moved whatever.

he is at a primary now where he is loved and cherished and wins award after award for being kind responsible determined to do his best. He is ahead in everything whereas the previous headteacher had called him
’A child who just doesn’t try or do anything’

bingbummy · 08/10/2022 11:00

London?

NotJustAnybody · 08/10/2022 11:03

In the first year of Junior school the parents had to line up with their DC. You couldn't drop and run. The next year you had to be present but didn't have to join the queue although some did. I think that it wasn't until they got to 4th year that the kids could come on there own. This wasn't unique to our school.

I think that if I'd witnessed this more than a couple of times, I would have gone and stood with my DC to block them doing it again and given everything else this other parent has done, I'd have spoken to the school about it.

I'm astonished though that the school have got involved in a parent argument. So they now think that you're some unhinged lunatic that has a go for no reason!

All you can do now is keep a close eye on the situation, gather any evidence going forward.

Crumpleton · 08/10/2022 11:03

Yes that’s why I didn’t sleep last night. The head said to me I am making it worse for my child and it was a bit threatening saying I would be banned

Surely if that's what the Head said..."I am making it worse for my child" that could be taken that the head knows your DC is being pushed around.

If you feel that strongly about it if you know the other mum and TA are letting lies write a letter to the Head teacher explaining how you feel, it's not only about your DD being pushed around by an adult but having you branded as a liar.
●Does the Head advocate the pushing of children by adults while in the schools care?
●The TA wasn't even present when the incident happened so is wrong to just take the other mum's word.

Do you know who any of the school governors are you could also cc them in.

Pava22 · 08/10/2022 11:06

Do you have a class whatsapp group? I would make it public before she starts telling other parents shit about you. And put something along the lines of. "So sorry schoolmum if I made you cry. Wasn't my intention. Its just I saw you where busy pushing kids around again and politely asked you to stop. If I upset you, I am sorry. BUT now you know how others feel when you do it in a more aggressive manner."

Leopardinthefridge · 08/10/2022 11:12

I admit I haven’t followed the whole story. I did read the part where this other parent ‘handled’ your DD.
i wouldn’t have been happy either and I would have said something.You said it wasn’t the first time, I would have spoken your child’s teacher the first time it happened and made sure they knew how I felt. This way you would have covered yourself for when/if she went turning in the waterworks, as they would have had the whole story.
If she does it again I’d say something again, I just couldn’t stand by and watch anyone put their hands on my DC without there being a problem .

chocolatemademefat · 08/10/2022 11:13

Ignore ignore ignore! Until she manhandles your child again and pull her up on it every time. She’s a bully using tears to get her own way - let her know you won’t be pushed around.

As for the naughty book - just laugh.

mam0918 · 08/10/2022 11:14

Im confused what is she doing to your child?

Is she physically pushing your child?

or just jumping the 'queue'?

If she is putting her hands on children then I would report it to the school and would have before confronting her.

If shes just jumping the queue then I dont understand, our school doesnt have any kind of queue system we just wait on the yard and if you are both last/late to pick up how is either 'jumping'?

mam0918 · 08/10/2022 11:17

Also if its physical record your child next time (or report it to non emergancy police and then make a formal request for the schools CCTV), also keep a record and take it above school.

Deppcandouno · 08/10/2022 11:19

The headteacher hasn’t got time to deal with this pathetic shit, if you escalate it. Trust me.