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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher’s assistant lying 🤥

229 replies

Babycakes6 · 08/10/2022 01:35

So I was waiting to pick up my child and saw another mum who is always pushing in, at the school queue, in front of my child.

I saw her do it again in the morning and while waiting to pick up our children, I told her I saw her doing it again and asked her not to do it. She waved her hand at me and told me ‘you’ve got a problem’. The next morning the headteacher asked me to come in and asked ‘why was I making another parent cry’. I told her what was said but she said that the teacher’s assistant ( who wasn’t there at the time) reported me.
I tried to talk to the assistant and told her that I wasn’t yelling and the other mum wasn’t crying but she said she saw her crying and that ‘we have to agree to disagree’. I am gobsmacked and how do I deal with lying? Why would she lie?

What should I do?
AIBU - let it go
AINBU- complain

OP posts:
AllThatHoopla · 08/10/2022 09:40

I tried to talk to the assistant and told her that I wasn’t yelling and the other mum wasn’t crying but she said she saw her crying and that ‘we have to agree to disagree’.

When was this? Why would you go back to the TA after the head had spoken to you?

It's completely bizarre that you think that you can say she wasn't crying and that the TA was lying when you don't know if she cried or not.

WonderingWanda · 08/10/2022 09:40

@Babycakes6 How exactly did this other Mum force your daughter from her chair? Did she physically pick her up? Did she say to your dd you go and sit at the back so my daughter can sit here? Or did she say any chance you could budge up so my dd can squeeze in too? Is she standing at the front of the queue because she wants to talk to the teacher? Why is your daughter upset by not being first into the classroom. I doubt that is why her self esteem is low. Are you annoyed because this woman being in front then makes you late to leave? I still don't get it.

katepilar · 08/10/2022 09:40

PAFMO · 08/10/2022 08:31

I'm a tad concerned for the poor mammy who thinks the children's line up is for her to get into, only to be screeched at and "reported" (reminds me of kids when we were little who at the slightest ruckus would go "I'm going to REPORT you" with nobody, least of all them, having a clue who they were going to "report" anybody to) and threatened with Ofsted.

Extrapolating from the hyperbole.

Kids line up (in order of arrival)
Evil Mammy arrives and puts her child in line (not in order of arrival but possibly in front of OP's child)
Cue conflict in manner of Vlad and Vlod.

Nothing to see here, move on.

But, OP- you are already "that" parent. Every school has them. It's not a good look and it's not nice for your daughter. If you have made members of staff cry- and from your OTT goings on it's highly likely, then sooner or later you WILL be banned. And that might be a good thing for your poor daughter having to witness all this behaviour from you.

Show quote history

OP hasnt made members of staff cry. There isnt a word about a member of staff crying. I wonder what else you misread.

Cuddlywuddlies · 08/10/2022 09:41

@MrsDoyle351 @tinx I’m with you guys on this! Are ye also in Ireland by any chance? I don’t think I’ve ever been inside the school gates on a school morning 🤔

MrsLargeEmbodied · 08/10/2022 09:41

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 08/10/2022 02:24

I’d be more annoyed as to why the head teacher believes this is a issue for her to intervene with.

exactly
you are not her pupils
you are not children

PAFMO · 08/10/2022 09:42

katepilar · 08/10/2022 09:40

OP hasnt made members of staff cry. There isnt a word about a member of staff crying. I wonder what else you misread.

Show quote history

Yes, I realized it was the other parent she has made cry after I reread.
The one she says herself she has mouthed off to on more than one occasion.
So that's alright then. Hmm

katepilar · 08/10/2022 09:43

AllThatHoopla · 08/10/2022 09:32

Also, I did talk to the Head before about this (last year), talked to the mum last year after she forced my DD out of the chair, tried on talk again to the mum yesterday but was accused of fighting in the playground/ making her cry (but she didn’t cry) and called into the office.

How bad was the chair sharing incident that you had to go and talk to the head teacher about it? As well as the mother.

The woman was late, she needed to get her dd where she was supposed to be because she was late.

I really think that from the school's point of view, it looks like you do not like this woman or her child and you are finding things to complain about because of that. The school will have recorded the complaint that you made about the other mother last year as they do all parental contact and now this playground incident has happened that will have been recorded too. And linked with chair-gate.

There isn't a 'naughty book' for lateness. There is a procedure that legally has to be followed if a child is late.

OP didnt go to talk to the head after the chair incident. She talked to the head when she was called in on this last occasion.

tinx · 08/10/2022 09:47

@Babycakes6 she so young if this situation is how you state it is then she must be really
confused as to why this happing. You need to reassure her and ask for a meeting with this mum, the teacher and bring along a witness/chaperone for yourself. Note down every point down and every negative/bullyish interaction you have witnessed and state these in a clear and calm manner do not be emotional. I have seen this type of shit happing before they clearly see you as the problem but if what you have stated in this thread is true then you can not allow this to continue as you have previously stated it started last year.

but I would NOT be filming anything as others have suggested

user1483646497 · 08/10/2022 09:51

Babycakes6 · 08/10/2022 08:43

I am worried about my DD’s self-confidence which is already low and a bit of a problem. Also I observed the school assembly and school dance and this girl just swipes my daughter aside and pushes in front. After that my daughter just goes at the back and hides. Very disturbing.
I’m thinking that this girl is doing it because her mother has her back, at all times. Being SAHM, she has a lot of spare time and always hangs around the playground, joins the school for every event, excursion etc. If she is pushing kids in the plane sight, what is she doing when I am not there?
Is she the reason my daughter has confidence issues and won’t participate/ hides at school events? My daughter goes to dance out of school and doesn’t behave that way at the other (dance) school and is more confident there. I really think something is going on at school.

But if she's pushing kids in plain sight (daily by the sounds of things) why has a member of staff or other parent not seen this & commented on it?

PAFMO · 08/10/2022 09:53

katepilar · 08/10/2022 09:43

OP didnt go to talk to the head after the chair incident. She talked to the head when she was called in on this last occasion.

Show quote history

She also talked to the head last year.
"Also, I did talk to the Head before about this (last year)"

TheOrigRights · 08/10/2022 09:53

The head threatened to ban you from the school? Either you're all a bit crazy or there's a lot more going on.

RovenderKitt · 08/10/2022 09:54

You need to start writing down every single time this happens, record dates, times etc. Get any witnesses. Then make a claim that your child is being bullied with all the evidence.

user1483646497 · 08/10/2022 09:55

TheOrigRights · 08/10/2022 09:53

The head threatened to ban you from the school? Either you're all a bit crazy or there's a lot more going on.

Absolutely, I'm wondering if OP is coming across as more aggressive in these confrontations than she is intending to. It's unlikely that the head, TA, teachers, other parents are ALL in on a conspiracy with this woman. In my experience (as a teacher), for the head to threaten to ban a parent things have to have become pretty bad.

Sunnyqueen · 08/10/2022 10:00

The headteacher is a jumped up busy boddy. The TA is a bullshitter, her and the parent probably know each other somehow. Can't believe people on here would be okay with some random stranger manhandling their child!
But yeah if you can move, move. I would bet my bottom dollar the school will now start picking at you for every minor thing. No point complaining because they will all just cover each other's backsides.

PornographicPriestess · 08/10/2022 10:01

She pushed your child off her seat? Hmmm

LikeTearsInRain · 08/10/2022 10:01

Film it next time

MrsLargeEmbodied · 08/10/2022 10:06

you notice what she does to your child op
can you ask other people if they notice anythign ?

NotAHouse · 08/10/2022 10:08

NumberTheory · 08/10/2022 03:15

Is the TA friends with the pushy mum?

I does seem bizarre.

I think it's this.

LostSocksBrigade · 08/10/2022 10:10

Ask them to check the CCTV.

Twinsandsome · 08/10/2022 10:10

If I’m being honest @Babycakes6 I would 100% move my daughters as the way you are being dismissed and being told off would make me think what chance does a wee child have defending themselves against this TA and Principal

Crazykatie · 08/10/2022 10:17

You are very wound up about this either you calm down and accept the situation or change schools.
I will guarantee the head teacher is not going to back down.

your choice

StressedToTheMaxxx · 08/10/2022 10:23

If she "handled" my child then she'd be getting handed by me. You do not go pushing children around. I'd request to speak speak the head head once you're calm and ask her what she intends to do to safeguard your child and others from being physically handled by this pathetic woman.

Original poster
Babycakes6 · 08/10/2022 10:24

AllThatHoopla · 08/10/2022 09:40

I tried to talk to the assistant and told her that I wasn’t yelling and the other mum wasn’t crying but she said she saw her crying and that ‘we have to agree to disagree’.

When was this? Why would you go back to the TA after the head had spoken to you?

It's completely bizarre that you think that you can say she wasn't crying and that the TA was lying when you don't know if she cried or not.

Because I’ve heard it from a third person and Chinese whispers are not good/ accurate. Also I wanted to know if she really cried. To me it didn’t look like she was upset or about to cry, I just couldn’t believe what the Head was saying to me. The head was very unpleasant when we spoke, treated me like a criminal, the whole thing was so worrying. I had to check the facts

OP posts:
PutinSmellsPassItOn · 08/10/2022 10:30

I wouldn't complain about this no......I mean I'll still be muttering about the injustice when I'm on my death bed. But I wouldn't make a complaint.

HeckyPeck · 08/10/2022 10:32

LikeTearsInRain · 08/10/2022 10:01

Film it next time

I would do this.

Longer term I would be looking to move schools.