Teacher’s assistant lying 🤥

[Babycakes6]

So I was waiting to pick up my child and saw another mum who is always pushing in, at the school queue, in front of my child.

I saw her do it again in the morning and while waiting to pick up our children, I told her I saw her doing it again and asked her not to do it. She waved her hand at me and told me ‘you’ve got a problem’. The next morning the headteacher asked me to come in and asked ‘why was I making another parent cry’. I told her what was said but she said that the teacher’s assistant ( who wasn’t there at the time) reported me.
I tried to talk to the assistant and told her that I wasn’t yelling and the other mum wasn’t crying but she said she saw her crying and that ‘we have to agree to disagree’. I am gobsmacked and how do I deal with lying? Why would she lie?

What should I do?
AIBU - let it go
AINBU- complain

Is the TA friends with the mum who pushes in?

Op. You need to ignore the other mum. Focus on your daughter.

1- arrive as the door is opening in the morning so your daughter doesn't get anyone pushing infront of her
2- speak to the school to see if they can help her build confidence, maybe a social communication group is running that she could join.
3- teach her strategies that if someone pushed past her to the front she saying loudly and clearly 'stop it, I don't like it'

Join the queue yourself for a couple weeks. Do you have any friends at the school gates who you can mention it to?

I’m thinking that this girl is doing it because her mother has her back, at all times. Being SAHM, she has a lot of spare time and always hangs around the playground, joins the school for every event, excursion etc. If she is pushing kids in the plane sight, what is she doing when I am not there?

Nothing to do with being a SAHM and everything to do with being a bolshy parent.

Is she the reason my daughter has confidence issues and won’t participate/ hides at school events?

Could it be that you've watched her being pushed aside and said nothing in the moment?? So she's taken that as being pushed around is ok?? Someone does that to my kid once, there wouldn't be any follow up conversation. I'd change schools if you think it would be better but I actually can't believe you're watching this and saying nothing at the time.

If she is pushing kids in the plane sight, what is she doing when I am not there?

But she isn’t actually pushing any kids is she?
He daughter cutting the queue is not in anyway the same. She’s not grabbing your daughter and pushing her over.
What is she doing when you aren’t there? Nothing.

The fact that the head teacher threatened to ban YOU and the fact that you were posting about this in the middle of the night suggests that if any of this is real there is a lot more going on that you aren’t admitting to.

Our gate opens at quarter to 9. Then children come inside, with their parents, and play/ run around at the school playground.
Once the bell rings they line up in front of their respective classrooms. Some start queuing earlier.
I guess every school is different. I also don’t like this setup, sometimes the bell goes off very late, 9.10 and I am very late for work.

Do not video or take photos of anything. You do not have parents permission to do this and you would be creating a safeguarding issue. That is horrendous advice please don’t do it.

I think the reference to being a SAHM is interesting. Are you a bit envious of this mom’s involvement in the school? I’m sure we all know parents like that, heavily involved, and maybe even influential over certain groups of parents/staff members, and it can feel like cliques if you aren’t apart of it. This then does filter down to how the children treat each other and I can appreciate your worry if your child isn’t very self confident. But, falling out at the school gates isn’t going to get you anywhere. I think you need to be careful here. Write down in an email all your concerns, and request a meeting. If these aren’t resolved, look for another school. It seems like you aren’t going to be able to get passed this.

I love creative writing!

Has something happened before? You've had issues with this mum or your daughter and hers have had issues in school? Possible there has been low level bullying?

Could she be friends with the TA outside of school?

That’s exactly what I am doing, trying to work on her self-esteem, but how can she stand up for herself if she is outnumbered and an adult is doing it? I think the school should be supervising them.
Also, I did talk to the Head before about this (last year), talked to the mum last year after she forced my DD out of the chair, tried on talk again to the mum yesterday but was accused of fighting in the playground/ making her cry (but she didn’t cry) and called into the office.
I am so worried I couldn’t sleep last night and thinking maybe I should change the school.

Nah I wouldn’t let that go. I’d be on the warpath for the TA and the stupid play-acting twat who repeatedly pushes in.

Wouldn't it only be a safeguarding issue if the video was shared online? (Which I agree would be a complete no-no), But if Op was only using the footage to show the headteacher and other members of staff/parents, I can't see the issue as it would be internal viewing so anyone who sees a footage will know most of the people in the video anyway,

No it isn't only a safeguarding risk of the video is shared online.

I wonder if your daughter would be more confident if you stopped making things like this into a big issue. A woman lines up with her child / once asked your daughter to budge up and you seem to think she is picking on you. Granted she is entitled but I don’t think she is the monster you are making out.

You are telling your daughter she is a victim and you are undermining her confidence. Stop making problems for your own child. I doubt this woman has any agenda towards your child. You need to think about why this woman is making YOU feel insecure. Change the way you react to it.

@Babycakes6

what year group is your DD in ?

Whilst I see your logic, consider the other perspective- a school, who already thinks the OP has made another parent cry, is presented with video/photos of what she is saying, even if it’s stone cold proof that what she is saying is correct, the first they are going to say is- did you get permission to take these photos? Do the other parents know? Did the OP tell offending parent she was filming? Does teachers staff know?

I am a childminder- I have to ask permission to take photos as proof of development and the only people who see the photos are the parents. So yes would still raise safeguarding issues, amongst others, even if the video or photo isn’t shared with anyone but the school.

This ^^
I put 2 DC through school ( now adult) and have seen most batshit drop off/ pick up behaviour. Pound to a penny this mum and the TA are friends.

What did the Headteacher say when you told her that your DD was pushed out of the way by the other person?

I’m amazed that an adult goes running to a TA and another gets sent to the head. Don’t teachers have busy work schedules? Surely they shouldn’t be getting involved with parents disagreements

The trouble is it’s the lack of trust isn’t it we had exactly the same where a teaching assistant had a child by the hand, one in each hand and was literally running with the children lifting off their feet this was before the days of having phones so nobody was able to film that but she hurt my daughters arm and then lied about what happened. You can never then fully believe a word they say going forward.

Year 3 now

You lost me at school queue? Do
parents queue up to collect their dc? I just don’t get that…🤣 is it literally a queue or what? (Totally misses point of thread)

Also, I did talk to the Head before about this (last year), talked to the mum last year after she forced my DD out of the chair, tried on talk again to the mum yesterday but was accused of fighting in the playground/ making her cry (but she didn’t cry) and called into the office.

How bad was the chair sharing incident that you had to go and talk to the head teacher about it? As well as the mother.

The woman was late, she needed to get her dd where she was supposed to be because she was late.

I really think that from the school's point of view, it looks like you do not like this woman or her child and you are finding things to complain about because of that. The school will have recorded the complaint that you made about the other mother last year as they do all parental contact and now this playground incident has happened that will have been recorded too. And linked with chair-gate.

There isn't a 'naughty book' for lateness. There is a procedure that legally has to be followed if a child is late.

I helped a friend with a similar situation this year. The husband was accused of shouting at a TA when he was expressing concern that a care plan wasn't followed. They were written to by the head teacher. I helped write a factual and strong letter back putting the facts on record. The had an acknowledgement if not a direct apology and the TA is now gone.

Write a letter stating your point of view, but only do it if you can be unemotional. It has to come from the safeguarding angle, that a badly behaved adult is trying to cover up bad behaviour.