Teacher’s assistant lying 🤥

[Babycakes6]

So I was waiting to pick up my child and saw another mum who is always pushing in, at the school queue, in front of my child.

I saw her do it again in the morning and while waiting to pick up our children, I told her I saw her doing it again and asked her not to do it. She waved her hand at me and told me ‘you’ve got a problem’. The next morning the headteacher asked me to come in and asked ‘why was I making another parent cry’. I told her what was said but she said that the teacher’s assistant ( who wasn’t there at the time) reported me.
I tried to talk to the assistant and told her that I wasn’t yelling and the other mum wasn’t crying but she said she saw her crying and that ‘we have to agree to disagree’. I am gobsmacked and how do I deal with lying? Why would she lie?

What should I do?
AIBU - let it go
AINBU- complain

Has anyone considered the TA is friends with the CF and did in fact lie?
You should have reported it to the school long ago.

This woman is clearly a dick head, but you need to grow a back bone and put a stop to this behaviour for otherwise you setting your child up for a lifetime of being trodden on.

I wish! Some mums never get out of the playground, literally! They keep hanging around, trying to chat up a teacher, make friends and ‘watch their kids’, some stand along the lineup, and in case of this mum - in the actual lineup.

I usually leave when my DD lines up but every time I stayed, I witnessed this mum pushing my daughter and lining up with kids.
I did tell the Head about this when she called me in, I told her what’s the problem, but she was not interested, said that children are watched/ safeguarded and they haven’t noticed anything and that I have a problem with this mum.

Were you sitting with your daughter?

If so why did you let this happen?

I’m also guessing that the TA and Mum are friends. You could also ask for a calm meeting to put the record straight. Focus more on the other parent handling your child. Next in the order if complaints after head teacher if you don’t get any joy, is Governors, not OFSTED.
As wrong as this is, I’m going to say it anyway. I had persistent problems with all our utilities threatening me after a landlord lied about the date we moved out. Went on for ages and was very stressful. One phone-call from my husband and it stopped. Take your partner with you if have one for back up. Of course letting it go, is also an option, but I’d struggle with that too as being accused of lying really winds me up.

Are you sure there's not an order that they're meant to line up in?

Playing devils advocate- do you have a problem with this mom? Are you seeing something that isn’t there? I find an adult pushing a child out the way quite unbelievable and if I was accused of that it would make me cry.

Equally, reporting to Ofsted?! They won’t take this seriously. They have enough to do, and wouldn’t act on it.

You sound as dramatic as the kids your picking up 😳
Grow up and let it go !

This is exactly what I am worried about, as it seems my daughter goes very quiet and scared when this woman and her daughter are around. At the school dance, my daughter cowered at the back.
I did tell her to scream loud if she gets pushed but she thinks she will get in trouble if she does.
Also I saw another girl once refusing to move when the pushy mum tried to move her.
I agree, my daughter is an easy target because she is not confident and also because I leave when they line up, so she is mostly on her own.

Write a letter to the Head and/or Governors stating the facts of the situation and that you know there's been a previous complaint about this woman and you're not happy with how it's being handled.

Can you film her pushing in the queue/pushing your DD aside?

They line up in order first come- first in the line (after the bell rings). I try to get my daughter to
line up before the bell so I can dash off to work.

Surely there's a teacher present? Can you ask them to specifically watch this woman as she does it.

In my local school you could absolutely bet your arse that the TA is mates with pushy mum. It's very much like that here.

You’ve got no idea why she’s doing it. One of the mums in DD’s nursery class does this with her LO daily, because she’s got to do speedy drop off at two classrooms (n and y2) due to an abusive ex. (I know this as our mothers are friends of 20+ years)

just drop it you’ve got no idea why, and she could’ve cried after

All this fuss over a queue? If she puts her daughter in the queue nearer the front does it really matter? They are all just going in to school anyway, who cares enough to say something?

So are you saying that this happens when your daughter is at the front of the line? If this is the case, then it sounds as though she's pushing to the front of the line for whatever reason, not targeting your daughter.

Dont pick
Fights at the school gates

She's pushing in? So what! It's not the
End of the world

Pick your battles wisely

How do you know she didn't go to the TA and wasn't crying at that time?

Tell your daughter to loudly exclaim Ow you hurt me! Every time the other mum touches her.
You're going to need to stay until the children go in.
Don't approach the mum again, if there are further issues go to the head, explaining I tried to have a reasonable conversation before but was accused of behaviour I did not engage in. I need you to step in, she is hurting my child.

I don't know why but this scenario makes me think of that Haribo advert where the adults speak in kiddie voices.

If it happens most days, and she pushes your child every time, I'd film it and show the head teacher!

You said yourself the TA wasn’t there so It sounds like she went and spoke to the TA afterwards and then started crying.

YABVU to accuse someone of lying when you don’t know the full facts.

However, YANBU to have called this women out and I would have apologised for upsetting someone but not for calling her out.
I would explain to the head how she pushes in and a member of staff needs to be out there to witness it.

I don’t get why she would push in anyway!

Surely they’re all going to the same place and it doesn’t matter what position you are in the queue.

So confused.. you said this was at pick up so how did she push in to a queue at pick up?!

I'm a teacher and the biggest drain in my life is having to deal with trying to get the kids to actually get up the point and tell me the accurate narrative when incidents have happened.

I can make head nor tail of you what you are going on about..

You talk about an adult pushing your daughter and everyone just stood watching? You mention lining up to get in to school but say this pushing incident happened at pick up..

You talk about a school dance and say your daughter was forced to share her chair at the front (why you didn't exclaim "im sorry there's no space here" to the child? Then you say your child was "cowering at the back?"

You sound like an absolute drama queen!

Whatever you do don’t take the advice on here to film it. There’s no way you can do that without getting other children in shot and then you are the one creating a safeguarding problem!

This is such a non issue. You don't know the TA didn't see what happened. She could have spotted it through a window. You don't know the parent didn't cry. You say you weren't yelling but tone can be interpreted differently. Because you don't know those things for sure you absolutely can't say the TA lied.

Schools spend far too much time dealing with things like this. It's a complete waste of their time and takes so much time away from teaching and learning.

Please let it go.