Page 13 | Husband woke me up with 5.30 alarm so he could do a work out!

RooksAndRavens · 2022-10-07T06:20:07+00:00

Dh doesn't work on a Friday. He looks after the dcs, aged 1 and 4. I'm a part time teacher and work on a Friday. My alarm is set for 6.55am and dcs wake up naturally around then too. Dh has got it in his head that he wants to get up early every morning to do a work out or go for a run. But at 5.30am this morning, his stupid loud alarm went off and woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep. I think this is really selfish and unfair of him. I'm the one with a demanding job today and need all the sleep I can get. Dc2 is still in our room and has an awful cough at the moment so that's made sleep difficult this week. And I've been struggling with anxiety badly too recently and obviously that has a knock on effect to sleep. I told dh that he was being unfair but he said that I was awake anyway (absolutely not true) and that most people are up before I get up anyway. He's also just said hoe much better he feels for doing his exercise routine early this morning... that's great, but he won't be teaching thirty 5 year olds today! I feel so exhausted already. Am I being totally unreasonable here?

crazycatgal · 08/10/2022 08:24

YANBU

Simple solution - a vibrating alarm. That is what DP uses when he needs to get up earlier than me.

cutthelawn · 08/10/2022 09:01

*Nope, that’s a decent marriage.

the OP’s one isn’t.

Simple as that*

such horse shit, some people are light sleepers and struggle to get back to sleep if disturbed. Just because it doesn't apply to you and others doesn't mean it's a bad marriage.

I love fish but my mum hates it and hates the smell so I never have it in her house-does that mean we have a bad relationship? No it simply means that people are all different.

I am a light sleeper and can't live with people who keep me up, it's my thing. We all have our things/quirks but that's how it is.

cutthelawn · 08/10/2022 09:05

*There is absolutely no reason WHATSOEVER for the person getting up early to need a loud alarm and then be walking around the bedroom getting ready.

Selfish selfish selfish*

this, I find it funny too another poster said only men think it's ok to do this when women are too considerate in the face of a thread of multiple women condoning it.

Quitelikeacatslife · 08/10/2022 09:37

I wouldn't mind if he brought me a cup of tea and toast then could have a slow start to the day before I have to get up. Get kids in with you if they wake up

cutthelawn · 08/10/2022 10:08

I’m on his side because I’ve had under 60 friends and relatives recently die and know first hand that it’s not “claiming to be healthy” to take steps to add healthy habits to your lifestyle

you do know sleep deprivation is linked to disease and early death too? Nobody is saying he shouldn't do it but the solution is he needs to do it in a way that is considerate which is fair.

ouch321 · 08/10/2022 10:29

Only on Mumsmet is 5.30 am not early

Doingprettywellthanks · 08/10/2022 10:52

cutthelawn · 08/10/2022 09:01

*Nope, that’s a decent marriage.

the OP’s one isn’t.

Simple as that*

such horse shit, some people are light sleepers and struggle to get back to sleep if disturbed. Just because it doesn't apply to you and others doesn't mean it's a bad marriage.

I love fish but my mum hates it and hates the smell so I never have it in her house-does that mean we have a bad relationship? No it simply means that people are all different.

I am a light sleeper and can't live with people who keep me up, it's my thing. We all have our things/quirks but that's how it is.

You have completely misunderstood me

ShowOfHands · 08/10/2022 11:05

Blimey, implications that he's a selfish git, doing things to spite op etc.

He set one alarm once and it disrupted op. Unless there's a shit load of other stuff, that's the matter at hand. There's been no mention of him doing this multiple times, never even a hint that he made noise once up. The op even says that the baby who was in the room didn't stir and it was simply the alarm that was the issue. So the alarm needs changing.

OP, you have an awful lot on your plate and clearly need some support, kindness and to change a few things.

The alarm is a red herring really.

But can we not cast a person as the devil incarnate with bog all evidence.

Doingprettywellthanks · 08/10/2022 11:07

I don’t believe he’s evil

i just believe this interaction is indicative of a relationship where he doesn’t really care about his wife’s comfort, likely due to a precious incident where his wife has bothered about his comfort. So a tit for tat.

Doingprettywellthanks · 08/10/2022 11:08

And no doubt the op will “get back at him” in due course

and so it goes on.

WonderingMum2 · 08/10/2022 11:22

I need 9 hours sleep to feel really rested. I don’t often get it . But I have to at least once a week. People have been doubting this for YEARS but I’m 53 now and old enough to know myself! People are different. If I was woken up regularly at 530 I would have to go to bed before 9. And every thing my OH does wakes me, snoring, toilet trips, phone on first thing and last thing. He’s 55 and entitled to go to the toilet! But it has to be separate rooms for us. Or I’d be in a separate house

WonderingMum2 · 08/10/2022 11:23

Quitelikeacatslife · 08/10/2022 09:37

I wouldn't mind if he brought me a cup of tea and toast then could have a slow start to the day before I have to get up. Get kids in with you if they wake up

If someone came to me with toast at 5:30 they would be wearing it 😂

ShowOfHands · 08/10/2022 12:26

Doingprettywellthanks · 08/10/2022 11:07

I don’t believe he’s evil

i just believe this interaction is indicative of a relationship where he doesn’t really care about his wife’s comfort, likely due to a precious incident where his wife has bothered about his comfort. So a tit for tat.

Gosh that's quite the imagination you have.

Man sets alarm once, complete stranger assumes life story.

Note that the unwell baby in the same room didn't wake. No mention of any noise bar an alarm, set to facilitate exercise at a time which won't disrupt any other routines or take him out of the house during a time when family might need him. But sure, he's playing a sophisticated and toxic game which now, apparently, the op is also playing.

Will it be out in hardback soon?

Foxgluv · 08/10/2022 12:30

What most people have said really. He needs an alarm that's less intrusive to you or just to sleep in a different room.

He should be allowed to exercise at that time but your much needed sleep shouldn't be sacrificed. I'd have him in a different room so there's less disruption for you as possible and he can get on with doing what he needs to do.

Doingprettywellthanks · 08/10/2022 12:32

But don’t you see that it was the follow up to the incident.

op expresses her view that unreasonable and selfish
dh dismisses
op feels angry and starts a thread

no negotiation, no chat, no apology.

either he is a twat. End of
or
he doesn’t feel the op compromises for him, so he’s giving her the metaphorical middle finger now.

so op will store up resentment and will do similar back to him

Lightattheendofthetunnel100 · 08/10/2022 12:45

I don't think YABU at all op. I think he should be able to compromise on one morning of the week to fit in with you. What time do you get home on a Friday? Can't he exercise then?

Also, if it's his job to look after the DC's on Fridays then he needs to be there in the morning doing that. If he's getting up early, it would be more useful to use that time to clean, organise the DC's clothes, put a load of washing on, prepare that evening's dinner, so you can have an easier morning.

Lightattheendofthetunnel100 · 08/10/2022 12:50

Galaktoboureko · 07/10/2022 22:05

If you don't mind me asking, are you overweight, OP?

😲. Wtf?!

GloriousGlory · 08/10/2022 13:00

Lightattheendofthetunnel100 · 08/10/2022 12:45

I don't think YABU at all op. I think he should be able to compromise on one morning of the week to fit in with you. What time do you get home on a Friday? Can't he exercise then?

Also, if it's his job to look after the DC's on Fridays then he needs to be there in the morning doing that. If he's getting up early, it would be more useful to use that time to clean, organise the DC's clothes, put a load of washing on, prepare that evening's dinner, so you can have an easier morning.

Yeah, how fucking dare he get up early and exercise! He must prioritise washing, because that must be done at 5.30 and not at 9am.

In future OP should give him a list for that hour and a half and make sure it's done.

Lightattheendofthetunnel100 · 08/10/2022 13:31

Yeah, how fucking dare he get up early and exercise! He must prioritise washing, because that must be done at 5.30 and not at 9am.

In future OP should give him a list for that hour and a half and make sure it's done.

Why all the hyperbole? He has at least four other days of the week in which to get up early and exercise. I was merely suggesting that if it is his day for childcare, then he should be at home in the morning doing that.

The op says the DC sleep in until just before seven. But it's much easier to lie in and sleep knowing the other parent is taking care of things rather than trying to sleep with one eye open wheny ou are the sole parent in charge.

Fridays are the one opportunity the op has when she doesn't have to get up early for the DC. In those circumstances, I would be thoroughly pissed off being woken by an adult.

And how about the odd Friday when the DH is out running and the DC wake up and he's not there?

Galaktoboureko · 08/10/2022 14:52

Why all the hyperbole? He has at least four other days of the week in which to get up early and exercise.

I exercise Mon/Wed/Fri because it's the only way I can fit my three sessions into the working week with the required rest day between workouts. He could do something like Tue/Thur/Sat if he's also on a 3x a week program but that'd mean OP having the kids while he went on the weekend.

BCBird · 08/10/2022 15:00

He could get an alarm that vibrates on his wrist surely. I would want to kick him.in the knackers🤣

FleeUpFreeTime · 08/10/2022 15:42

Can he have a quieter more nicer alarm that goes off

GloriousGlory · 08/10/2022 15:45

Lightattheendofthetunnel100 · 08/10/2022 13:31

Yeah, how fucking dare he get up early and exercise! He must prioritise washing, because that must be done at 5.30 and not at 9am.

In future OP should give him a list for that hour and a half and make sure it's done.

Why all the hyperbole? He has at least four other days of the week in which to get up early and exercise. I was merely suggesting that if it is his day for childcare, then he should be at home in the morning doing that.

The op says the DC sleep in until just before seven. But it's much easier to lie in and sleep knowing the other parent is taking care of things rather than trying to sleep with one eye open wheny ou are the sole parent in charge.

Fridays are the one opportunity the op has when she doesn't have to get up early for the DC. In those circumstances, I would be thoroughly pissed off being woken by an adult.

And how about the odd Friday when the DH is out running and the DC wake up and he's not there?

They apparently don't wake until 6.55, not even when a ridiculously loud alarm goes off in the same room!

Lightattheendofthetunnel100 · 08/10/2022 15:53

They apparently don't wake until 6.55, not even when a ridiculously loud alarm goes off in the same room!

I already referred to that GloriousGlory. I still think that if Friday is the one day that the DH does childcare, then the least he can do is be present in the mornings, and fit around her schedule, so his presence actually benefits his wife, and she needn't be concerned about even the possibility of the DC waking up!

marcopront · 08/10/2022 15:57

Lightattheendofthetunnel100 · 08/10/2022 15:53

They apparently don't wake until 6.55, not even when a ridiculously loud alarm goes off in the same room!

I already referred to that GloriousGlory. I still think that if Friday is the one day that the DH does childcare, then the least he can do is be present in the mornings, and fit around her schedule, so his presence actually benefits his wife, and she needn't be concerned about even the possibility of the DC waking up!

How is getting up to exercise before the children wake up not being present in the morning?