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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be wondering if we should be leaving London too?

156 replies

KarokeandGin · 06/10/2022 13:34

We currently live in east London with 3 young children in a 3 bed house. Very happy with our house and whilst the younger two share a room hopefully we will be able to afford to do a loft conversion in a few years so by 7/8 the younger two won’t have to share.

lots of our friends are leaving London and moving to Kent and Essex for the grammar system and more space. Our local secondary school is fine, nothing special but not awful.

AIBU to not really have considered if we should be leaving London too? We are happy here but I do wonder if the extra space and countryside living would benefit the DC. My main concern is moving and not being happy personally (both myself and DH grew up in London) even if it was a better life for my DC. Should I be putting their happiness and potential for a better education first?

YABU - consider going and put your children first
YANBU - continue enjoying the life you have and your children will likely do just as well

OP posts:
PrancerandDancer · 06/10/2022 13:38

If it helps Essex house prices are skyrocketing and I'm in the North if the county! Might be best staying out

PrancerandDancer · 06/10/2022 13:38

Put not out!

coverp · 06/10/2022 13:39

YABU - you should choose to live where your children will have the best life.

BrianBettyGrable · 06/10/2022 13:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request

piglets29 · 06/10/2022 13:44

I'm so glad we didn't move and stayed in london even though house is squashed. My teens are very happy here. And I am so relieved we didn't have to do any of the 11 plus stress, especially 3 times over!

Rumplestrumpet · 06/10/2022 13:45

I guess it depends which part of east London, and what life is like for the kids and will be in years to come.

Lots of East London has great parks and greenery, as well as quick and easy access to fabulous places in and around London. There are some great schools, vibrant communities and (important for me) diversity and plenty of people who are open minded. Friends of mine who moved out of London found it very hard to adjust to a much more right wing communities in Norfolk, Essex, etc.

Also, I think London is a great place for teenagers as they can have a lot of independence and you as a parent dont spend your whole time ferrying them around.

And finally, generally speaking your kids will be happier if you're happy. Moving out to the sticks and feeling lonely and depressed is not going to be good for them.

FinanceLPlates · 06/10/2022 13:46

Will they have the best life in the countryside though? I grew up in the countryside. As a young child, I loved being able to play out and freely roam the neighbourhood with a bunch of other kids. As a teenager though I found it deadly boring and couldn’t wait to get out, eventually ending up in the biggest city I could find (London).

Etinoxaurus · 06/10/2022 13:47

Stay 🥰

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/10/2022 13:50

It depends where you live now and where you plan to move to. My teenagers like being in London because it gives them freedom. They aren't reliant on Mum and Dad to taxi them everywhere. DH is North African and from a cultural perspective London is easier than some smaller towns outside of London would be.
What is school provision like in the Grammar School areas for DC who don't pass the 11+.
What do you think you would gain and what would you lose. e.g. If a huge garden matters to you then you may need to move quite a long way out but if transport is more important, then that is the last thing you should do.

FinanceLPlates · 06/10/2022 13:51

And for those who have some sort of idealised vision of an idyllic, innocent life in the country - it very much depends. There’s plenty of alcohol and drugs around if they fall in with the wrong crowd (also see “boredom” as above)

Tiredalwaystired · 06/10/2022 13:54

Not sure where you live in London but you could just move to a different borough.

Harrow has a huge amount of outstanding secondary schools and you can still get three bed with a garden for around £600 a £650

only 35 mins to Baker St too. I’m always amazed it’s so affordable.

Scarecrowrowboat · 06/10/2022 13:57

We've decided to stay put for the kids and just be more cramped. There are just more opportunities, more jobs, more activities here and we are just far enough out that there is lots and lots of green space.
I lived in Zone 6 growing up and it seemed incredibly far out of London which seems funny to me now. I think my kids will likely want to be close to London too as nice as it would be for us not to have a huge mortgage and to have a bigger house.

NCHammer2022 · 06/10/2022 13:57

I definitely wouldn’t move for the grammar system. That’s just inflicting a rat race on your children and imo negates the quality of life benefits they would get from e.g. having a bigger garden.

ThrowingSomeCrumbs · 06/10/2022 14:00

I am in a very similar position, though kids older than yours. East London, house is perfectly fine and have a really lovely group of close friends. Kids are very happy at their great schools with some fantastic friends. But I think I have reached my London limit. Yes, we have some great parks and some great forest, but I want more!

CruCru · 06/10/2022 14:03

The thing is, there's this weird assumption (on here and elsewhere) that the only really acceptable childhood is one spent in an affluent suburb. It really is fine to have children and live in London. When they are older, they'll be able to get around without needing endless lifts.

Not everyone has to live like the Inbetweeners.

Jackiebrambles · 06/10/2022 14:04

We have had the same thought process and dilemma as you, we've seen a fair few people leave as well. My dh often looks at the space we could get outside of London wistfully!

But we're staying. Partly because we've been here so long and the kids are so well settled and happy/doing so well at school, to disrupt that seems mad. Also because I think the opportunities for study/work/hobbies and brilliant public transport is great for teens.

We do worry about violence/crime though.

Polimolly · 06/10/2022 14:04

I moved to a rural town when DS was 3, and by the time he was 12, I moved back to a city. Best move ever. I find rural places extremely boring.

In your case, I might move to a smaller town but don't go somewhere rural. There's nothing to do!

BIWI · 06/10/2022 14:04

You're making a very dangerous assumption that your children will pass the 11+ to actually get into a grammar school though. What would you do/how would you feel if they didn't?

London secondary education - non-grammar - is generally very good. I'd focus on looking at boroughs where the schools are particularly good and house-hunt there. (I'd also be seriously checking out the schools near you to find out what they're actually like).

Enko · 06/10/2022 14:04

We moved. Really happy we did. Close friends didn't move really happy they did.

Other friends moved back and forth 4 times and now live in Devon... work out what will make you happy

Ithoughtthiswastherehearsal · 06/10/2022 14:05

Depends where you live and how safe the area is, plus if you have family nearby.

I did not feel safe living in East London but perhaps you’ve found a nicer bit than my area!

Growing up in London does kinda suck yes. I did it and I didn’t want it for DC.

Mardyface · 06/10/2022 14:06

London is some people's version of the best life! Do what you want.

I grew up in the countryside and enjoyed romping around the fields as a young kid but it didn't give me practice at socialising and when I was a teenager recreation was all driving really fast in boys' cars down country lanes and drinking cider in bus shelters. I'm bringing my kids up in London. My 13 year old loves it and is able to catch a train into Central London herself to do some activities. We visit galleries and museums and other stuff most weeks. My 11 year old says she would rather be in the countryside but she does like being able to walk to the corner shop and the library independently which I couldn't at 11 without a lift or a v long bus journey.

It's not for everyone but it doesn't have to be - it's for you!

SleeplessInEngland · 06/10/2022 14:07

Don't leave just because you see others doing it and think you 'should'. If you're happy then you're happy.

reigatecastle · 06/10/2022 14:09

Tiredalwaystired · 06/10/2022 13:54

Not sure where you live in London but you could just move to a different borough.

Harrow has a huge amount of outstanding secondary schools and you can still get three bed with a garden for around £600 a £650

only 35 mins to Baker St too. I’m always amazed it’s so affordable.

£600K affordable!

I know, relatively speaking it is. But still!

Buckland123 · 06/10/2022 14:12

Stay. We live about 45 mins from London on the train and it’s crap - best of no worlds! Not rural enough, not city enough. If we could afford it I’d go back to London asap, as would my teens who travel in as much as they can. London offers so much in terms of things to go, culture, diversity. It’s wonderful!

Original poster
KarokeandGin · 06/10/2022 14:17

Thank you all. We live in Snaresbrook for those asking where in east London. I grew up with a small garden and we have a small garden so that would be a pull for the kids. Interesting to hear from those of you who are glad you stayed. My parents had moved from London by the time I graduated and I like the idea of still living here so the kids could return post Uni to save them on rental costs

OP posts: