AIBU to be wondering if we should be leaving London too?

[KarokeandGin]

We currently live in east London with 3 young children in a 3 bed house. Very happy with our house and whilst the younger two share a room hopefully we will be able to afford to do a loft conversion in a few years so by 7/8 the younger two won’t have to share.

lots of our friends are leaving London and moving to Kent and Essex for the grammar system and more space. Our local secondary school is fine, nothing special but not awful.

AIBU to not really have considered if we should be leaving London too? We are happy here but I do wonder if the extra space and countryside living would benefit the DC. My main concern is moving and not being happy personally (both myself and DH grew up in London) even if it was a better life for my DC. Should I be putting their happiness and potential for a better education first?

YABU - consider going and put your children first
YANBU - continue enjoying the life you have and your children will likely do just as well

Such an ignorant comment. People just assume that everyone is happier outside London based on outdated stereotypes from the 1950s. In fact for a London-born and bred teenager moving to the sticks would probably be a significant diminution of their quality of life.

Stay in London! I regret moving to Surrey.

I'd stay! We moved to the commuter town to afford a bigger house. I love the quietness and it's not too far to get into London. If I could afford a nice house in London we might consider moving back but if you already are settled, I'd stay. The children will love being in London as teens! Plus if the hustle and noise doesn't bother you everyday, you would probably dislike the quiet in the countryside.

@kerrisland im sorry to hear you regret moving! What prompted the move and what is it that makes you regret it if you don’t mind me asking? I’m concerned we would end up in the same position and then be priced out or struggle with the idea of moving back to a smaller house!

London’s the best place in the world for teenagers.

Yanbu we have moved to Kent but it is not better for kids at all! The grammar system is awful really the test is a lot of pressure, and if they just miss out their chances of getting 5x 5s at GCSE plummet. People are really small minded and my friends 7 year old witnessed the aftermath of a stabbing here - so much for moving to get away from knife crime. You are lucky to be able to stay though as you could afford a 3 bed with a garden, maybe your friends couldn't afford to stay.

Stay.
We moved to Kent for the grammar schools not for a minute considering ours wouldn't get in and then one didn't and it's been tougher than we anticipated. There is no such thing as a true comprehensive here: the academic go to grammar, the (many) wealthy go private, the religious have good options and everyone has to scrabble around for the shitty remainder or be packed of to various academies usually miles away.
We have to drive them everywhere and there is actually very little for them to do unless you're willing/able to pay for expensive clubs and activities; public transport is shocking and costs a bloody fortune (their £500 school bus passes aren't valid at the weekend or in the holidays) and the lack of diversity in our community is depressing. I would move back in a heartbeat but 10 years out and we couldn't afford to.

Mum of teen here in London. We did think of moving out but really glad we didn't. DD loves it and can get around easily on (free / v cheap) public transport which is great for me too as means I don't have to drive to get it. She's in a really nice school and has lovely friends. I'd stay if you can, I grew up in the country and I loved it until teens and then was so bored and couldn't wait to get out.

We stayed in East London with 4. We moved from a very cosmopolitan zone 2 to a suburban zone 4 as easier for my commute to Essex. We were able to keep the same schools - our kids have always gravitated back for their social lives to Shoreditch & Dalston & find here boring. We have a house twice the size and much bigger garden but they wouldn’t have moved. We are on the tube but it took us a long time to adjust to the less hectic/active lifestyle.

My brood are older youngest doing A levels, 1 at Uni & 2 graduated . Lovely, well adjusted, streetwise, tolerant, confident, rounded individuals.

I didn’t want to move completely as I grew up in the country, felt isolated and remember my dad having to taxi me everywhere.

London is a great place for children and has some wonderful schools as well. If you still love it here, I'd stay put. Plus it's much easier to leave at a later date if you wish than it is to return.

I grew up in a village and ime its not all its cracked up to be, especially for a teen. Mine had rubbish public transport so it you wanted to go anywhere, you needed a lift. Also took ages to get to school and most of my friends lived in town which made socialising difficult.

Happy parents = happier kids

I think I would go for some day visits

Stay in London and go out more on the weekend with them further afield if you fancy that

It's not a guarantee the kids will get into grammar school and ime they are divisive but I don't have much of an opinion on them having not grown up in the UK.

I live in Margate, moved here to be with husband who's from Margate. But I was 20 when I moved here and met him.

I get on fine here and have heaps of lovely friends now but it's quite run down and there is a bit of a divide between the people who moved here and the locals who can be at times resentful of people moving here "pushing prices up" I don't get it.. I think it's a good thing but there's an air of it

If you can move somewhere more well to do and less hip then I think life would be potentially good but if you have to commute for ages would that not make you sad? It would me, I would resent it and trains can be fairly unreliable as seen at the moment

Yanbu to put your happiness at the top of the list because the kids won't know better if they live in the city and also if you move to Kent or Essex and hate it, you'll be depressed and that will effect how you parent

yanbu

This is very true. I grew up in East London and had a great childhood. I'm assuming you're pretty close to Epping Forest etc anyway? I'm not sure what it's like now though? Do you feel like it's a pretty safe area? Would you be happy letting your kids walk to school when old enough? This is really the only concern I would have. BTW I now live outside of London in a town and do like the space and the feeling of safety (my dd can go out with her friends and I'm never worried) and can see the good and bad points of both. You don't need to make a decision right now

Like you I was born and bred in London. I had the BEST time growing up there. The public transport means that teenagers have a marvellous freedom to explore London without burdening parents. There are so many different types of people from all backgrounds and so much to do.

After I finished University I had opportunities galore on my doorstep. I could even take internships that just paid expenses when so needed to as I had the luxury of living in London. This gave me a great advantage with my career imo.

The move was prompted by DH who thought it would be better for DC.

I was very depressed after I moved here. It was a complete culture shock. I found it extremely cliquey and very snobby. They would be nasty about other people's children. Not mine thank God. Everyone is quite identikit types and the topic of conversation is so boring - always about their wealth and husbands jobs. No diversity at all.

Fast forward to now and DC tell me all about how many drugs their peers are on. I would be bored to tears if I was a teenager here. Plus DC have to rely on me to drive, as you can't even walk to the next village due to the way the roads are.

You may like it somewhere else, but I think London is do much better.

Snaresbrook is lovely! I lived in Wanstead for about 10 years and loved it there. It is a really nice part of East London and I were you I would definitely stay.

I sold my property and I am leaving London but I have some health issues and I am very middle-aged so it is time for me to find a quieter life and I really want to be by the sea. Also the part of East London (zone 2) where I am currently living is much more urban that Redbridge and I am done with the noise, crowds and anti-social behaviour.

Your kids are happy, you like your house and you are a nice part of town so I would definitely stay rather than just follow other people out.

we moved from East London to Kent, I didnt want to move but we couldnt afford a house where we lived and we were in a 2 bed flat.i was also worried about schools when my DD is old enough.
i dont like where we live, i find it unfriendly and they dont like newcomers. There isnt nearly
as much stuff to do as there is in London and really the only bonus is its easier to drive anywhere down here.
we live on the coast but in London we lived opposite a forest-im sure you can guess which one and its no competition for me. I miss London so much.

I think it depends on what you r used to OP - if you grew up in London your are used to the bars/shops/restaurants/great transport links etc. It is very different in rural areas- we come from the country and moved to London when we were young and found it too claustrophobic. But it is very quiet, one bus an hour in to town etc, but we grew up with a slower pace iyswim.

Stay for sure

I grew up in Redbridge and went to Wanstead High. I'm in my 50s now and still love London. Snaresbrook is lovely - you have the best of both worlds. Near Epping, near the City and West End, not too far from the Essex countryside, nor from the hustle and bustle of a capital city. You know, if you leave London you will be unlikely to afford it again. Why would Essex or Kent provide a better life for your children just because your friends are moving? I would definitely stay. A loft conversion is the way to go in future to get more space. If you have family nearby, too, this may also be something to consider.

Thank you for sharing @kerrisland, I hope things improve for you and you feel more settled there

Just out of interest - when people talk about having loads to do - what exactly are you talking about and how often do you have time to do it?

My kids are busy with school and various extra curricular activities during the week and son still has Saturday school and daughter has her activities on Sat morning. In the evenings there may be a party to go to or a gathering of friends somewhere. Granted we do have ti pick them up as most people don't seem to live in an area served bg the train and taxis are so expensive . But I assume it will be the same in London unless people live near a tube station which some people don't.

As for us, We can access London easy enough and I admit after the theater / concert for example we had wished we could get an Uber home in 30 mins instead of having to get a train home but how often do people go to the theater/ concerts etc

We have enough restaurants in the vicinity to go out for a dinner every couple of weeks or so and to get a weekly take out

What am I missing from my life by not living in London with kids (I lived there for 6 years as a student- right in the centre)

@chopc we go to the theatre about every 6 weeks, we also take the kids to children's theatre.

It's like anything really, it's about priorities - we really enjoy the theatre!

One of the things I like is that my kids can attend an array of holiday clubs - science, cookery, sport, dance, theatre etc - on another thread posters outside of London have limited or even no holiday clubs.

But of course everyone is different - you don't have to want to live in London

@Pegasushaswings where have you moved to if you don’t mind me asking? We’re thinking of doing a very similar move but your post has spooked me!

we did this move when DS got into Judd. It was a brilliant move. We have a large house, great outdoors and a reasonable commute to London (we only go twice a week)

Kent grammar schools are great for academically strong children. Comprehensives here aren’t very good.