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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be wondering if we should be leaving London too?

156 replies

KarokeandGin · 06/10/2022 13:34

We currently live in east London with 3 young children in a 3 bed house. Very happy with our house and whilst the younger two share a room hopefully we will be able to afford to do a loft conversion in a few years so by 7/8 the younger two won’t have to share.

lots of our friends are leaving London and moving to Kent and Essex for the grammar system and more space. Our local secondary school is fine, nothing special but not awful.

AIBU to not really have considered if we should be leaving London too? We are happy here but I do wonder if the extra space and countryside living would benefit the DC. My main concern is moving and not being happy personally (both myself and DH grew up in London) even if it was a better life for my DC. Should I be putting their happiness and potential for a better education first?

YABU - consider going and put your children first
YANBU - continue enjoying the life you have and your children will likely do just as well

OP posts:
Lunificent · 06/10/2022 21:30

I’d stay in London.

PinkPrettyAndPointed · 06/10/2022 21:30

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/10/2022 15:49

Such an ignorant comment. People just assume that everyone is happier outside London based on outdated stereotypes from the 1950s. In fact for a London-born and bred teenager moving to the sticks would probably be a significant diminution of their quality of life.

Show quote history

I think this thread has shown the opposite.

Those that live in London with DC always say how there's always so much for them to do, they're so independent etc. Like those thing can't be had outside of London.

We left London and moved to our home country. I was getting a bit over the hustle and bustle of London after 10 years, but it was the pull home that ultimately made us leave.

Only you can decide if raising your DC in London is what you want. Personally, I'm glad to have left because it wasn't where I wanted my DC to grow up.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 06/10/2022 21:35

Those that live in London with DC always say how there's always so much for them to do, they're so independent etc. Like those thing can't be had outside of London

Of course they can be had outside London but equally it is just a fact of population density that there is more to do in London.

Saying that there is stuff to do outside London too is a bit like me saying that there's just as much countryside in London because I live near a big park. Of course that's not the same as "proper countryside" - it suits me better because I like stuff to do more than I like countryside.

basilmint · 06/10/2022 21:43

I wouldn't move to Essex for Grammar schools as there are hardly any of them.

Notarealmum · 07/10/2022 02:46

Oh, don’t take your kids out of London! I grew up in a semi rural area and decades later still have nightmares about having to catch (and miss) the last (early!) bus home. Legacy is I can’t bear to live more than 15 mins easy reach of a city centre (though admittedly not London any more).

Bloodybridget · 07/10/2022 04:35

It's odd how people describe Kent and Essex as "the countryside". Of course there are large rural areas, but also many towns, and if you imagine driving out of London along the A12, A13, A2, A20, endless suburban sprawl.

itsnotdeep · 07/10/2022 05:13

My children have had an excellent upbringing in London (3 are at university now). Don't assume you're giving your children a better life if you move out.

Stay!

eltonjohnsglasses · 07/10/2022 05:27

I was wrestling with this, it doesn't help that everyone I know has left/is leaving. I think this has been exacerbated by covid/wfh/house prices though because the turnover at our primary is ridiculous. It certainly wasn't like this when I was young.

I live pretty much where I grew up & its definitely more congested/polluted now & I do worry about crime. We had planned to leave (not to countryside though) however decided with ageing parents should stay a bit closer. We are instead planning to go to z4/5. It's more suburban, more space but still well connected. I also found in the parts of London I am now you don't really see groups of teens out together in public, unless walking home from school. Do they all stay at each other's others? I presume there is less of them as lots move it.

bjjgirl · 07/10/2022 05:32

For me personally I prefer the countryside so would move, just from a safety perspective for the children. The gang violence of a city / pollution / lack of greenery is a complete no go.

However you and your children are happy, you know where you live so I wouldn't move them unless you all wanted to.

eltonjohnsglasses · 07/10/2022 05:43

@chopc

I somewhat agree with you 😆. Excluding work, we don't go central that often, no one I know does because life is so busy with small dc. We go to restaurants regularly but local ones, meet friends in local pubs, cafes. Even theatre is often local. If we do go into town we get train or tube home.
My dc do lots of holiday clubs but all local.

eltonjohnsglasses · 07/10/2022 05:47

We do go to the museums/events regularly, once a month, twice in summer. But people can do that just as easy from outside of London & often their journey is similar.

eltonjohnsglasses · 07/10/2022 05:53

Having said OP you are in z4 I believe (not great with E London) so it's probably quite suburban already. It's likely not very different to places in Essex/Kent already so I assume it comes down to schools.

RedWingBoots · 07/10/2022 05:58

I grew up in London and went to college with some people who lived in the Home Counties.

I could get around on my own to places from secondary age by public transport, there as they always need a parent to ferry them around until they got mopeds or cars.

Now having younger adult relations and working with young people, those who have parents who live in London easily take jobs in London. There as those who don't have to fight on the rental market for an overpriced place.

RedWingBoots · 07/10/2022 06:00

bjjgirl · 07/10/2022 05:32

For me personally I prefer the countryside so would move, just from a safety perspective for the children. The gang violence of a city / pollution / lack of greenery is a complete no go.

However you and your children are happy, you know where you live so I wouldn't move them unless you all wanted to.

Not all parts of London are the same.

eltonjohnsglasses · 07/10/2022 06:08

Now having younger adult relations and working with young people, those who have parents who live in London easily take jobs in London. There as those who don't have to fight on the rental market for an overpriced place.

there an awful lot of Londoners who can't live at home with parents once they are adults though. Not everyone has the space, finances or relationships to support that.

Darbs76 · 07/10/2022 06:18

chopc · 06/10/2022 20:37

@Darbs76 how much do you pay for your tickets and more importantly where do you purchase your tickets from? I try today fix but good seats for popular shows are still pricey

But you have proved my point though - you live on the outskirts so are not "missing out" by not living in London

I get them from TIX mainly (they do rush tickets where they sell them cheaper at 10am day of show) or a friend of mine gets them via some website that does reduced price tickets.

The OP is asking about moving out of London, I’m in South London so if I moved to Kent then yes I’d be missing out as I wouldn’t be able to jump on the train and be in town in 30 mins. OP is in East London and not centre of town.

pinkfondu · 07/10/2022 06:22

KarokeandGin · 06/10/2022 13:34

We currently live in east London with 3 young children in a 3 bed house. Very happy with our house and whilst the younger two share a room hopefully we will be able to afford to do a loft conversion in a few years so by 7/8 the younger two won’t have to share.

lots of our friends are leaving London and moving to Kent and Essex for the grammar system and more space. Our local secondary school is fine, nothing special but not awful.

AIBU to not really have considered if we should be leaving London too? We are happy here but I do wonder if the extra space and countryside living would benefit the DC. My main concern is moving and not being happy personally (both myself and DH grew up in London) even if it was a better life for my DC. Should I be putting their happiness and potential for a better education first?

YABU - consider going and put your children first
YANBU - continue enjoying the life you have and your children will likely do just as well

If you and your dh grew up in london surely you are best to say if it's a good place to grow up? You both love it and don't want to move, why do you think your kids won't?

eltonjohnsglasses · 07/10/2022 06:30

The OP is asking about moving out of London, I’m in South London so if I moved to Kent then yes I’d be missing out as I wouldn’t be able to jump on the train and be in town in 30 mins. OP is in East London and not centre of town.

tbf there are places in Kent that have 30 minute journeys into London

Iknowforsure1 · 07/10/2022 06:32

Who said it will be a better life for your DC? I would not do that. You’re in a good position already living in a three bed and there are opportunities in London too. Out of London dream often hit people hard when they realise they are not suited for another kind of life. I’m in a much worse position than you house wise however I’m not even considering moving. I’m also not going to get into this grammar school hamster race. If there’s a good school locally, then good school is good enough.

chopc · 07/10/2022 06:33

@Darbs76 thanks I try for TodayTix too and will keep trying

I can get into London between 25 and 35 mins depending on where in London I want to get to . However have to wait for a timed train as opposed to just jumping on the tube

eltonjohnsglasses · 07/10/2022 06:37

However have to wait for a timed train as opposed to just jumping on the tube

Lots of people have to do this in London as not everywhere has the tube. And plenty live a far distance from a train station & there aren't always buses to take them then. really depends on area.

SuperCamp · 07/10/2022 06:39

No way would I be moving to Kent for the Secondary Modern system.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 07/10/2022 06:49

eltonjohnsglasses · 07/10/2022 06:30

The OP is asking about moving out of London, I’m in South London so if I moved to Kent then yes I’d be missing out as I wouldn’t be able to jump on the train and be in town in 30 mins. OP is in East London and not centre of town.

tbf there are places in Kent that have 30 minute journeys into London

I see people saying this but in practice, it's not the same for a few reasons:

The people in Kent usually don't live that close to the station - sometimes a drive away

The Kent trains will be less frequent

They only go to one station which may leave you not where you want to go

The train is way more expensive

You don't have the fallback of a taxi or buses or bus to tube or other alternative routes

It's fine for commuting if you have picked the right location to make that specific journey work but it's not that easy to get to a variety of places in London. Which is fine if you want to do the West End twice a year but if you want to do things more frequently, it's not the same.

Darbs76 · 07/10/2022 06:50

chopc · 07/10/2022 06:33

@Darbs76 thanks I try for TodayTix too and will keep trying

I can get into London between 25 and 35 mins depending on where in London I want to get to . However have to wait for a timed train as opposed to just jumping on the tube

yeah keep trying, you can get some good deals.

yeah I have to wait for a timed train, but I grew up in North Wales where the train still goes once an hour and the last bus home from the closest town is so early!! So having a train every 15 mins is like a huge luxury to me

Tomorrowisalatterday · 07/10/2022 06:51

eltonjohnsglasses · 07/10/2022 06:30

The OP is asking about moving out of London, I’m in South London so if I moved to Kent then yes I’d be missing out as I wouldn’t be able to jump on the train and be in town in 30 mins. OP is in East London and not centre of town.

tbf there are places in Kent that have 30 minute journeys into London

I see people saying this but in practice, it's not the same for a few reasons:

The people in Kent usually don't live that close to the station - sometimes a drive away

The Kent trains will be less frequent

They only go to one station which may leave you not where you want to go

The train is way more expensive

You don't have the fallback of a taxi or buses or bus to tube or other alternative routes

It's fine for commuting if you have picked the right location to make that specific journey work but it's not that easy to get to a variety of places in London. Which is fine if you want to do the West End twice a year but if you want to do things more frequently, it's not the same.