Hubby booked holiday without our baby

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My husband has booked a holiday ( mon to fri) for us for next year as a surprise for our anniversary which is lovely....until he told me it is just for me and him and our baby (who will be 15months) is staying at home with the grandparents.
I honestly don't know how to feel about this as I wouldn't have dreamed of leaving our baby at home so young to go off abroad. I know he means well but he seems annoyed that I've questioned why he isn't coming and annoyed at to why I have asked him why he didn't ask me first how I would feel about leaving baby at home.
How would you feel if your other half did this?
AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?
I know I probably sound super ungrateful but our baby is only 5 months at the moment and the thought of leaving him for almost a week makes me feel uncomfortable.

Men aren’t always in the wrong on Mumsnet but because it’s female dominated and people don’t tend to post about relationships on forums just to let everyone know everything’s fine thanks very much, it is often the case on Mumsnet that men are in the are wrong. Just like you don’t get lots of posts saying “I rang my GP to get an appointment for my baby who has a temp of 39 degrees, luckily they got me an urgent appointment at 11.00.” However posters do get told they are being unreasonable and indeed lots of people on this very thread on Mumsnet are saying the man isn’t wrong. How does that fit with your statement? A third of respondents here don’t think the man is in the wrong in this case.

I’m sure on Forums for men there are a lot of posts about wives and girlfriends who are in the wrong: controlling, lazy, enmeshed with their mums, whatever.

this fella plans a lovely surprise

That's only lovely if his wife likes surprises, which apparently she doesn't.

I'd be unhappy at not being consulted personally. I'm not opposed to going away without our children but it should be a joint decision. I'd also hate having no say in the destination and type of holiday because somethings just don't appeal.

I presume he's going to be facilitating lots of grandparent time so in 10 months all parties will be happy?

I think there are times when you do need to nurture your relationship.
It won't do your baby any harm to be left for a week with loving grandparents and they will be on the phone if there are any problems.
I've seen so many marriages break up after children because all of mum's attention is on the children for years on end.
It's not like you are leaving a tiny baby.
I left DS at that age and he was absolutely fine, he had a lovely time.
Enjoy just being together and do some fun things that are not child related.

The baby issue aside. I would hate someone booking a whole week for me without my input on what I might like!

I'd demand he tells you what hotel it is. I'd feel I was being teased over it.

And yeah, I'd feel exactly the same as you. If you are going back to work before then, things might feel different but they might not either.
The baby might know his grandparents really well by then.

But I'd be asking him to show you what hotel it is.
It could be shite for all you know.

Surprises aren't all they are cracked up to be!!

He's not getting the fact that as mothers feel we can feel we are entirely responsible for this little person staying alive.
And to be asked to leave that person for 5 days feels like massive massive ask.

I would definitely want to know the rest of the details right now, given there's already a mismatch about what would be nice/appropriate.

@MrJi ... teenagers! How old? Have they not been abroad on school trips? Surely they'll soon be off abroad with mates.

I wouldn’t want to be abroad without my daughters and they are teenagers.

This is not something to brag about. 😬

I wouldn’t have dreamed of going abroad without my 15 month old for five nights, i know lots of people would but it would be miserable for me. Especially as I was back at work by then and (shock horror) actually wanted to spend my time off with my baby and as a family. But DH was the same and wouldn’t have considered booking something like this because a) he knows me well enough to know it’s not something I would do and b) he wouldn’t want to do it either.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt that his intentions were good, your husband was really silly to book something quite extreme like this without finding out if you’re ok with it. But let me guess, you’ll be left being the bad guy for not falling over in gratitude. That would really piss me off, more than the actual booking. If you just say ‘look I’d love to go away but want to go as a family, I’m not comfortable leaving DS’ and the response is anything other than ‘ah ok I understand. Silly me, I should have checked’ then THAT’S the problem!

I was given advice many years ago, when I was pregnant with DC1. The person told me the best thing parents can do for their kids is to nurture their own relationship so that it survives the hard years of parenting.

I’m surprised that so many people never take a break without their kids but just as a couple - marriages and relationships need work to succeed and child free time is when it happens.

BTW DH and I went to Rome when DD1 was 5 months - but that was too young and I missed her - she did not miss me as she was with her doting granny. But 15 months is an easier age - especially as you can plan to spend time with the grandparents to build up that trust.

I’m often the first to knock a DH on this board, but I think you need to calmly talk to him
and apologise for not seeing the gift in the way he meant it. Then discuss compromises that will work for you both.

This.

Soon they may want to go without you. How some parents cope when young people move out and on, I don't know.

Go op!

You’ll have a fab time and it will be nice for you and husband to spend some quality time
together just the two of u

especially if it’s an adult only hotel. Imagine just u two sipping cocktails by the pool whilst your little one is being well cared for at home. You’ll have a fab time

This

It sounds like he has a surprise for you which is why he said there's a reason a child can't come.

I'd just play it by ear and see how you feel later on. It's quite a bit of time from now. You may be ready by then for a little break.

Dh did this for our 10th anniversary when our youngest was 3 month old. Him and his mum surprised me. I burst into tears, had a complete meltdown as was in midst of pnd. Once I calmed down and realise baby would be 16 months I chilled out a bit and it was a lovely trip

@diddl @PoundShopPrincess

they live day in and day out “as a family” one week just as a couple sounds a good balance

you don’t have to do everything as a family!

The person told me the best thing parents can do for their kids is to nurture their own relationship so that it survives the hard years of parenting.

That doesn't have to be five days away without your kids though.

We've been married 27yrs but never took holidays without the kids.

Tbh if you're both on the same page it doesn't have to be "hard years of parenting"

I think my husband would be more worried about leaving a 15 month old than I ever was! I think really 2 nights would be fine, Mon-Fri will be very difficult for your child unless they're very close to grandparents.

Fuck that. I’d be appalled and really really upset if my DP booked a holiday for us and excluded our lovely baby (same age as yours).

He wouldn’t, so it’s almost too ridiculous to imagine. But I’d be hurt, and then furious personally.

@Itsnotallblackandwhite

and what would be so bad about that?!

most people men and women alike like having sex with their partner

you don’t have to do everything as a family!

Of course not.

But balance for Op might be a couple of days away for example then more when their child is older.

I would be annoyed if I hadn't been asked if I was OK leaving the baby for a few nights but I woukd son get over it. With our first I didn't leave him until he was 3 and that was juat a sleepover at grandmas who he's really close with and spends alot time with. With our second I am alot more relaxed and happy to leave her as I know she will be fine.
For your relationship to survive you have to remember your not just mum and dad but husband and wife and that relationship needs to be worked on or it will fail.
Go, have a lovely time. By 15 months you LO will be driving you nuts and you will be glad of the break.

Go find that thread - where a mother of a 5 month old complains about a family holiday. You won't find it on here.
Also look up the meaning of speculation at the same time. It doesn't mean what you think it means. Opinion and speculation are different.

I mean, are you kidding? Of course he gets that.

There's no "communication problem." He's booked a surprise, she's said, "Great but actually I want to take the baby."

Which should be a quick fix. But he's instead chosen to get arsey.

The arsiness shows he doesn't give a fuck about her feelings. But the cool wives say she should grateful, okay.

I agree it's important that couples have their own time without DCs but it's also important to learn to holiday as a family together.

It would be a bit sad if this trip meant there was no opportunity for the three of them to go away as a family as I genuinely loved our breaks together when DS was young.

OP may or may not enjoy it, so I think it's a bit simplistic to trot out the old " bubs will be bigger than and you can drink cocktails and laze on the beach hun " lines without any understanding of OP and their personality and parenting style.

Maybe I'm biased- now DS is 16 the only way we can get him to go on holiday is to bring his hulking great mate with us. We're going to have a week of The Inbetweeners at Lanzarote starting next Friday .

Is it fine if you are happy to go away for a week child free, of course it is.
Its also fine if you are not .

I personally would find it very stressful to be away from my children for that long at the at age, a night maybe , two at a push I would have been okay with but not longer. It would not be enjoyable for me at all and I just wouldn’t go.

I also wouldn’t judge someone who did, if a child is happy to be left with other people that love them and parents can have a break - amazing, enjoy!

Its very much up to you, don’t feel pressured to do anything you are not comfortable with, but if you are ok, then have a great time!