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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids aside, if you could go back in time would you still marry your husband/wife?

233 replies

TrialsAndTribulationss · 05/10/2022 20:00

Just interested if anyone else would choose not to or if I’m on my own with this one? Will stick with him for this lifetime though

OP posts:
Redsquirrel5 · 05/10/2022 22:35

No, I wouldn’t.

He gave me four wonderful children though.

I had a doubt the week before, went for a long walk, thought it was nerves. Should have listened to my self.My life would have been quite different I think.

FunnysInLaJardin · 05/10/2022 22:35

yes, without any hesitation. 34 years and he is my love

TheVanguardSix · 05/10/2022 22:37

Where’d I put my ‘No, God! Please. Nooooo!’ meme?

expat101 · 05/10/2022 22:42

Yes, but I would like to change certain things that got us to this point...

Susurrar · 05/10/2022 22:46

No but more because of me than him. I’m a different person than I was when we met. I’ve grown, developed and properly spread my wings in so many ways in the past few years. He has not.

Also, I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I get tired of people in general. I don’t think I’m designed to be in a relationship. We have a gorgeous DS and he uses up my social battery 😂

Whattheduck · 05/10/2022 22:53

Yes we’ve known each other since primary school and we’ve been together for 33 years and married for 26
I have an amazing life with him (we’ve had a few bumps over the years but nothing major just life’s knocks ) but we just get each other and I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else

romany4 · 05/10/2022 22:56

Yes. I'd marry my DH again in a heartbeat.
Married 32 years so far. He's my everything

LesOliviers · 05/10/2022 22:57

No. He's become so grumpy and it really gets me down at times. He used to so happy go lucky, but age and responsibility seem to have ground him down. I still love him but this isn't the life I envisaged when we got married.

Mamai90 · 05/10/2022 22:59

Absolutely. My DH is my best friend. We had our ups and downs in our early days of marriage but we've grown together and I'd never want to be with anyone else. He's an amazing father and husband. I feel very grateful.

RoseMartha · 05/10/2022 23:00

No

Crumpleton · 05/10/2022 23:00

Yes, but there's one or two things I'd probably do differently .

MissAmbrosia · 05/10/2022 23:04

Yes. After 20 odd years, and a grown child, we still have common goals and laugh a lot together. He can be an arse sometimes and I'm sure I'm not perfect either but he always has done his fair share in the house and with childcare/bedtimes/homework etc. We have had the odd major falling out but got past it with discussion. I feel sad reading many posts on MN where the men see women almost as skivvies rather than equal partners. I would not have put up with that.

Haveyoulosttheplot · 05/10/2022 23:07

No I wouldn’t. Although we were compatible in the beginning, as time has gone on we’ve just drifted apart and are just too different to one another now. We aren’t even friends anymore I don’t think. We just coexist in the same space, pretty poorly might I add.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 05/10/2022 23:08

Definitely. I know it won't suit some people to hear this. but despite our ups and downs over the last 29-30 years - some tough times and challenges, (but more good times than bad,) I would not change a thing. I will take the last 29-30 years of good bad and indifferent, and all the trials and tribulations of marriage over being permanently single... ANY day!

I would not have wanted a life as being permanently single. We are in our early 50s now, me and DH have no mortgage, we are financially stable with decent savings, and we live in a lovely home, with no commitments... Just our jobs and 1 cat. No elderly parents to care for - all passed - and one DD mid 20s who is 100% independent.

I would not change a thing. I see many single women (and men,) around our age struggling massively on their one wage, and with higher outgoings than us. They all have a mortgage or rent for a start, and children still at home and elderly parents to look after. Don't envy them one bit. Life is SO much better in a couple. Purely anecdotal of course. But I don't envy single people one iota.

Lushers · 05/10/2022 23:08

Hell No! He was an abusive childish prick. Only good thing was my kids. Hate the man

Tubs11 · 05/10/2022 23:14

Without question. He's my strength and stay, is maturing like a fine wine and an amazing dad. Love him more every passing day. Feel beyond lucky to have met him.

theadultsaretalking · 05/10/2022 23:19

Nope, he is too emotionally volatile, it is exhausting and getting worse with age. He's always been like that, though, so I can't pretend I didn't know! We've got amazing kids though, and we parent really well together, so that's something.

shrunkenhead · 05/10/2022 23:20

No.

Goingonab33hunt · 05/10/2022 23:20

No. We coexist peacefully but it's mainly because I do bulk of everything at home, the kids, the mental load of family life etc, and rarely complain as we have a DS with SN who wouldn't cope if we spilt. I was young and naive when we got together. I genuinely thought nobody else would be interested in me and married him a year after he proposed. 13 years later, I now know how bloody stupid I was.

PurpleFlower1983 · 05/10/2022 23:22

Definitely, he’s amazing.

SparklyDiscoBall · 05/10/2022 23:23

Yes. I still fancy him as much as I did at 20, and he turned out to be an incredibly supportive husband and a fantastic dad. Many of my friends’ partners revealed themselves to be quite unpleasant after a while. Quite a lot actually. Sadly. So I consider myself extremely lucky indeed.

Whynobreadpudding · 05/10/2022 23:31

No, I should have bought a small flat/house as I was in that position 27 years ago, and not married, because all I know is special needs.

unsync · 05/10/2022 23:32

No.

PatchworkElmer · 05/10/2022 23:32

Yes. Emphatically and without hesitation.

Chonfox · 05/10/2022 23:47

No and even kids not aside I'd still say no. I love the DC obviously, they're wonderful but if I could rewind the clock and chose a better husband/father for other hypothetical children then I would.