For blocking the guy I’m seeing because he didn’t show up to my party?

[allura]

The guy I’m seeing is part of the same friendship group as me, I’ve known him for nearly 2 years, we all met in uni (we were all “mature” students in our late 20s at the time)

I got a promotion and will be moving to a new city (literally the next one over from us right now) so my friends threw me a “good luck” party. This was discussed in the friendship group maybe 2 months before it happened.

I have been seeing Jamie (not real name) for a year, we’ve discussed continuing our relationship/situationship when I move away as it’s only slightly further away.

He has shift work so I asked him a month in advance if he was coming, he said he’d change his shift and definitely be there. We spoke about it up until the day before. He dropped me back home after me staying at his and said “see you tomorrow”.

the next day he didn’t get in touch as normal, but I didn’t think too much of it. I eventually rang him at 3pm to ask what his plans were. He didn’t answer and just text me saying “just text me I’m helping a friend decorate his new flat”. So I just text asking what time he was getting to mine so we could arrive at the party together. He didn’t get back to until 5pm saying he was dropping off his friend at his girlfriends and needed to get a shower, drop something at his sisters etc…

wed had this planned for months that he would arrive at mine at 5, we’d have some drinks together and then go to the party at 7.

at 6 he text me saying can he bring his friend because his girlfriend had cancelled. I said no - this was a gathering of like 7 uni friends! I think I was a bit unreasonable about that, but it felt so childish he needed a friend there, when I was there? Like he was nervous? He said he couldn’t stay at my place after because he needed to drop his friend off to his flat.

anyway, he never got back to me, so I went to the gathering on my own. All my friend were asking where he was and told me he was an idiot and that it was hurtful.

When I’d had too much to drink I just text him saying it was hurtful he didn’t come. He text back “I thought it might be awkward if I just turned up”

I was so hurt I just blocked him.

I move next week and still haven’t spoken to him at all.

was I unreasonable??

I would be pissed off too. But it sounds as if you were trying to force the relationship up a level and your friends have been egging you on to do this (and then stirring the pot when he balked). His behaviour suggests that he prefers to keep things casual.

Why does he need his friend to come to his girlfriends good luck meal? Not like it was a mass gathering

omg , this 'friend' who has quote "just received news that his plans for the evening have fallen through and is possibly upset at GF letting him down" is a FULLY GROWN MAN. Cancel plans made well in advance because a mate's gf has changed her plans? Get a grip! The most you'd do as a mate is say ah I can see if you can come along and if not let's do something on X date (to cheer them up).

This is assuming this 'friend' is real, or the situation is real which I highly doubt.

Why does he need his friend to come to his girlfriends good luck meal?

why not? He’s independently friends with everyone there too.

I would caution you on how you handle this, spats between couples who develop after a friendship group have the potential to split it and damage it permanently.

He sounds like a right knobhead to me.

I can't stand people who mess people about and don't stick to plans (or at least explain why they are changing them) waiting about for someone is awful.

Don't give him a second thought, OP. Move on.

Sometimes I feel really old. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just talk it out?

Your relationship is coming to a natural juncture. It might be the point to end it amicably.

Its ok to feel how you feel, to set your own boundaries and limits. If a relationship isn’t working, move on. But blocking and ghosting is like planting land mines in your future.

OP, You can block who you want, when you want.

End of.

Why does he need his friend to come to his girlfriends good luck meal?

Why do you need your situationship to come to the celebration your friends are throwing for you?

No need to mention EUPD.

God sake 😂

He wasn't turning up without an invite, your boyfriend asked you! You said no!

Are you sure you were 'mature' students? all sounds a bit childish to me

Your AIBU was about your behaviour, not his.
You've been in some sort of a relationship for a year, one thing happens that you don't agree with, and you ghost him instead of talking it over?
Yes, YABU.

When you blocked him - did that signify the end of your relationship?
Was the whole reluctance to take you to the party bad enough for that?

(It seems odd to complain about someone not communicating well with you and to respond by blocking them.)

I mentioned EUPD because a poster insinuated that my behaviour was reflective of a Cluster B disorder. The consensus seemed to be that I was unreasonable - I absolutely despise people using PD diagnoses to label people who are “unreasonable”. It perpetuates the stigma

Sounds to me as if he wasn't intending on going to your do at all .

You sound like hard work.

He paid for an all inclusive holiday for your birthday a week before? And you're still not happy.

what more do you want from this man?

maybe he just needed a bit of space??

Maybe he doesn't like that friendship group anymore. It seems to be all about you OP.

Those of us who have been in relationships with people with cluster b disorder think its accurate not a stigma

I think he was bullshitting you.

If it was important for him to have been three he would have been there.
to me it sounds like he was making up reasons not to turn up. I don’t think I believe his excuses.
I bet if you had told him the friend could have come he would have found another reason why that couldn’t happen.
I suspect he wanted to end it.
move on OP and enjoy your new job .

How old are you two? This all sounds quite juvenile.

I think you’re getting a bit of a Mumsnet hard time on here. I get that you were having a bit of a special night and wanted to show off your boyfriend for the first time, and he totally blew it. Made you feel unimportant and second to his friend. Made you feel a bit of an idiot in front of your mates.

Yes you could have been nicer and included his friend, and yes it was a bit immature blocking him, but he’s pretty much shown you that he’s not worth wasting much more space on. Hopefully your move will be a clean break and you’ll find someone more suitable there.

i mean a birthday and a good luck meal were about me yes, in a year long relationship

It’s not your feminist critique of EUPD, OP.

Are you really mature students, or just regular students? It all just sounds so childish.

Labelling everybody on here who is needier than you deem appropriate as having EUPD is just as offensive as labelling all abusive men and badly behaved children as autistic. Please do not do it.

You've been with someone for a year. They don't turn up to a small gathering and instead of having an adult conversation about it, you block them.
All seems a bit high school. Probably just as well you're moving away.