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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For blocking the guy I’m seeing because he didn’t show up to my party?

303 replies

allura · 05/10/2022 12:21

The guy I’m seeing is part of the same friendship group as me, I’ve known him for nearly 2 years, we all met in uni (we were all “mature” students in our late 20s at the time)

I got a promotion and will be moving to a new city (literally the next one over from us right now) so my friends threw me a “good luck” party. This was discussed in the friendship group maybe 2 months before it happened.

I have been seeing Jamie (not real name) for a year, we’ve discussed continuing our relationship/situationship when I move away as it’s only slightly further away.

He has shift work so I asked him a month in advance if he was coming, he said he’d change his shift and definitely be there. We spoke about it up until the day before. He dropped me back home after me staying at his and said “see you tomorrow”.

the next day he didn’t get in touch as normal, but I didn’t think too much of it. I eventually rang him at 3pm to ask what his plans were. He didn’t answer and just text me saying “just text me I’m helping a friend decorate his new flat”. So I just text asking what time he was getting to mine so we could arrive at the party together. He didn’t get back to until 5pm saying he was dropping off his friend at his girlfriends and needed to get a shower, drop something at his sisters etc…

wed had this planned for months that he would arrive at mine at 5, we’d have some drinks together and then go to the party at 7.

at 6 he text me saying can he bring his friend because his girlfriend had cancelled. I said no - this was a gathering of like 7 uni friends! I think I was a bit unreasonable about that, but it felt so childish he needed a friend there, when I was there? Like he was nervous? He said he couldn’t stay at my place after because he needed to drop his friend off to his flat.

anyway, he never got back to me, so I went to the gathering on my own. All my friend were asking where he was and told me he was an idiot and that it was hurtful.

When I’d had too much to drink I just text him saying it was hurtful he didn’t come. He text back “I thought it might be awkward if I just turned up”

I was so hurt I just blocked him.

I move next week and still haven’t spoken to him at all.

was I unreasonable??

OP posts:

Interestingmauve · 05/10/2022 13:05

OK, so you've spent the day with a friend, who has just received news that his plans for the evening have fallen through (and is possibly upset at GF letting him down). You're going to a party, come along you say and then the host tells you no, your friend is not welcome. Would you still go to the party?

Musti · 05/10/2022 13:07

I think yabu. It’s a little get together and not a big surprise party! He fitted in helping his friend and could easily have brought him to the party. And if he was a bit late, so what? You’ve just been on holiday together and you were with friends.

I can understand being slightly annoyed but to block him is extreme.

Aggypanthus · 05/10/2022 13:09

It reads like politics more than relationships. Why say No in the first place? Why be so regimented about things? Life is complicated and sometimes compromise is the best way. It does not come across like you are adults here

Original poster

allura · 05/10/2022 13:14

He said “can I bring Joseph? He just needs to get ready at mine and we can head over later on” after 2 hours of messing around saying he was on his way back, going to get a shower, going to collect an Xbox thing from his sisters… when he said he’d be at mine the day before to get ready.

if he had just turned up with Joseph I wouldn’t have cared. If he had asked the day before, or the morning, or even when he told me he was doing Joseph’s decorating, I wouldn’t have minded.

it’s the fact that he was already hours late, had shit communication throughout the day, and frankly travelled hours away to help a friend decorate when he knew this was a celebration thing for me.

I do realise I’m childish for blocking, but it genuinely hurt me

OP posts:

Glitteratitar · 05/10/2022 13:16

So basically you wanted a big show of the two of you arriving as a couple and you didn’t get that so you threw a tantrum and blocked him…

Jeez…

CheezePleeze · 05/10/2022 13:18

He sounds like quite a nice bloke to be honest.

He took you on an all inclusive holiday the week before for your birthday, which he paid for.

Then he wanted to help out a friend and not leave him at a loose end when his girlfriend cancelled.

But it's all about you obviously...

properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 13:19

Just end it. You've got your new job to focus on. You don't need this hassle.

Kirstenwe456 · 05/10/2022 13:20

You should have spoken to him about it instead of blocking him. I must admit it’s hard when you feel down after being treated like that but it’s better than blocking as it adds to an atmosphere.

Original poster

allura · 05/10/2022 13:22

i didn’t throw a tantrum, I text him saying I found it hurtful he didn’t turn up. He then said he thought it might be awkward.

There was no communication for 2 days. I was moving away the weekend after. So yes, after talking to my closest friend I blocked him.

As I said, messy start to the relationship didn’t help, but I am aware I was probably unreasonable not to talk to him

OP posts:

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 05/10/2022 13:23

Sounds like there are communication issues here which after a year there shouldn't be.

Herejustforthisone · 05/10/2022 13:23

He sounds immature. Let your life move on - and away - from him.

CheezePleeze · 05/10/2022 13:23

Oh well you've ended the 'situationship' now by blocking him anyway.

So move on and good luck in your new job.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/10/2022 13:24

Do you think he didn't want to be all coupley in front of the joint mates?

I do think it sounds like he was trying to get out of the meal. Deliberately making plans that would make him late, and then not planning n turning up until several hours late and leaving early.

Fraaahnces · 05/10/2022 13:25

Undoubtedly chose to play Xbox with Joseph. Knob

Yamalt · 05/10/2022 13:25

You all need to grow up..

Original poster

allura · 05/10/2022 13:25

CheezePleeze · 05/10/2022 13:18

He sounds like quite a nice bloke to be honest.

He took you on an all inclusive holiday the week before for your birthday, which he paid for.

Then he wanted to help out a friend and not leave him at a loose end when his girlfriend cancelled.

But it's all about you obviously...

He couldn’t have let me known in the morning that he might be late because he was helping a mate?

a friend I’ve never even heard him speak of until that point. I get you help other people, but surely you also should communicate if it affects other plans - why couldn’t he speak to me on the phone if he was just helping a mate? It would have saved hours of painfully slow messages which increasingly showed he was going to be late, and eventually not turn up at all

OP posts:

FangsForTheMemory · 05/10/2022 13:25

You might be choose to end it, but why block him?

Zofloraeverywhere · 05/10/2022 13:25

What was the messy start to the relationship? Did one of you cheat on someone?

Original poster

allura · 05/10/2022 13:26

Zofloraeverywhere · 05/10/2022 13:25

What was the messy start to the relationship? Did one of you cheat on someone?

Yes

OP posts:

ThreeRingCircus · 05/10/2022 13:27

Herejustforthisone · 05/10/2022 13:23

He sounds immature. Let your life move on - and away - from him.

He does. But so does OP. Blocking someone because you're angry is ridiculously childish.....a fully functional adult should be able to voice their opinion and say "this isn't making me happy so I'm ending things" without just pressing the block button in order to avoid having an actual conversation.

OP......proper relationships aren't like this. They shouldn't be this much hassle. Just move on, for the benefit of you both.

MrsClarkandPercy · 05/10/2022 13:28

I think blocking him was very extreme, and I'm not surprised he hasn't been back in contact.

So, just to get it straight:

He takes you on an all-inclusive holiday for your birthday and pays for it all.
A few days after, it's your leaving party and you're going to be there for the first time as a couple, and he knows the people.
He for whatever reasons gets tangled up with helping the friend. He asks if the friend can come.

To me this is where is all goes wrong:

You say NO.
You get annoyed and hurt he didn't reply.
He says it would have been awkward (as in you were mad with him and it would have been embarrassing)
You block him.

Personally I think you should have thought it was nice of him to help his friend, and you should have said yes of course would be lovely to meet him, sure he can come.

Blocking a partner is a very divisive and aggressive sort of thing to do.
I can understand if he'd just say ok and not get back in touch at all again.

It's hard to say as I don't know you both, but my advice would be to apologise to him.

LuckyLil · 05/10/2022 13:29

Was this a university meet or a play date?

OctopusBreath · 05/10/2022 13:31

He was mildly annoying, but you blocking him was a massive red flag. I'd immediately dump anyone who was childish enough to block me. It's drama queen territory and who can be arsed with that.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 05/10/2022 13:32

if he had just turned up with Joseph I wouldn’t have cared.

So instead he asked and you kicked up a fuss. Blocking him was childish and it's no surprise he hasn't contacted you. But you're leaving anyway so just move away and move on.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 05/10/2022 13:33

Have you been diagnosed with a Cluster B condition OP?

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