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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still hold this party if Covid ++?

193 replies

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:19

DP has a 40 coming up and we’re having a party - 40/50 people at ours. A couple of friends now have Covid, though should be fine by birthday time.
DP and I were discussing what would happen if either of us were ++ - do we still go ahead? We have events in the run up plus kids in school and we know it’s spiking/spreading.

but UK now just says - get on with it. Don’t even test. Is that right? If someone’s worried or vulnerable they wouldn’t come anyway.

YANBU - just have the party - life goes on

YABU - you have to cancel if someone in the household has COvID, morally if not legally.

OP posts:

Fuuuuuckit · 05/10/2022 08:53

Everyone I know who's had covid was completely floored by it. No chance of hosting never mind passively attending a 40th party.

At least tell your guests and let them make the decision that you're too selfish to make yourselves about attending a party where the party bag is likely to need a lateral Flow test in with a slice of cake

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 05/10/2022 08:55

I'd personally isolate and have done when I've had the flu in the past but it didn't really give me much of a choice anyway because I couldn't get out of bed.

In the past if I've had a cold I've stayed away from people but I am aware that I'm lucky because I've always worked from home.

Butterflyhandle · 05/10/2022 08:56

The last time I had covid I wasn't ill at all but tested as it was still in the test for work days. I'm not regularly testing now. I haven't since they stopped it all. I could have had it since.

There will be loads of people around, having parties, going to restaurants and working in restaurants cooking your food who have covid and don't know it.

There will also be those that have a bit of cold, not ill but have the sniffles. They won't test either as testing has to be now paid for.

Most people testing now are those who are proper ill or who are still very worried.

To me, it either has to be all testing and isolating or get on with it. Anything in the middle seems strange.

If I KNEW I had covid then I would cancel a party or at least tell people, but I wouldn't necessarily know.

Butterflyhandle · 05/10/2022 08:58

LaForza101 · 05/10/2022 08:10

What if someone at the party is early in pregnancy and hasn't been able to get the jab yet? They are not going to tell you and it may feel like a completely different risk to them to go to a party where you hope no one has COVID vs. one where the hosts have COVID and knowingly didn't tell anyone.

Sure it is their choice to go to parties but wouldn't you feel guilty? And then there are those who are not vulnerable and get hit hard by it anyway.

I don't understand why you would want to risk the health of people you presumably care about for the sake of taking a test

We aren't at the beginning of the jab rollout now. The pregnant person if early in pregnancy would have had their jabs by now before she got pregnant. If she hasn't had them yet, she's likely in the camp that isn't fussed about getting jabbed at all.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 05/10/2022 08:58

I would imagine at a gathering of 50 people there is a high likelihood someone will be positive. On that basis I wouldn’t attend a party anyway as I was really ill with covid despite on paper not being vulnerable but I do care for vulnerable relatives good so have to consider them. I would expect you to inform all guests and they can make their own choices.

Lemonyfuckit · 05/10/2022 09:01

Canthinkofaname79 · 05/10/2022 07:26

I've currently got Covid, I've not had it before, had all my jabs but I feel horrendous. I wouldn't inflict this om anyone.

This. I'm still recovering from having it three weeks ago - never had it before, fully vaccinated, felt absolutely horrendous and it's frustrating to still be feeling the effects (bad cough, bit congested still, quite short of breath). So I think it's unlikely you would want to go ahead with the party if you did have it (when you say have it but feel ok - are you planning to test anyway beforehand as a precaution as seeing lots of people?). I think whatever you decide, if you were positive but went ahead it would be morally wrong to not tell people, and they can make their own decision. Some may have health concerns you're not aware of.

caringcarer · 05/10/2022 09:03

I had Covid in July. I felt really unwell. I had Commonwealth Games ticket for men's 10 metre platform diving but I felt too I'll to get out of bed. I watched on TV, fell asleep and missed most of it.

TenoringBehind · 05/10/2022 09:07

You either should cancel or tell everyone and let them make their own choices. I think you’d find that only a handful of people would turn up, maybe those who have literally just had it and think they have some immunity.

I’ve never had it and there’s no way on earth I’d come if I knew my host had Covid.

hopefully it won’t happen and this remains a theoretical problem only.

Original poster

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 09:12

‘If I KNEW I had covid then I would cancel a party or at least tell people, but I wouldn't necessarily know.’

true. We don’t actually have any tests in the house anyway.

OP posts:

Eeksteek · 05/10/2022 09:14

Whinge · 05/10/2022 07:24

I'm guessing you've never had the flu?

I've had it twice, and the last thing I wanted to do was host a party.

Show quote history

This is the trouble. People who have colds and just carried on think they have had flu and are just better than weaker or lazier people who stayed in bed. They are not remotely comparable, though. But we don’t test for them, so we don’t actually know who has it.

Covid is annoyingly variable. It will be flu for some, a cold for others and nothing at all for some. My cousin was unwell with cold-level symptoms but carried on, her son had a minor sniffle, her husband was hospitalised and her daughter had no symptoms at all. So you have to think of other people who may experience it very differently to you.

Yes I’d cancel. I’d cancel if I had flu. I probably wouldn’t go if I was full of cold either. I’d test too. I’m only testing if we are unwell at the moment, because I have a child in school and only socialise with other parents (financial restrictions, not infection control). If any of us have it, our kids are already mixing so pointless. If I were going to a big event, I would test and not go if I were positive, even if I felt fine. I wear masks in the supermarket. (It’s not a big deal to me and even if I only don’t catch a cold there, it’s worth it to me)

ancientgran · 05/10/2022 09:18

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:26

We would absolutely tell every one, and yes obvs if one of us is laid up in bed that would be different.just as if one of us came down with bad flu or similar.
But so far we’ve had it several times between us and it’s been like a cold.

I had it with no symptoms, only found out as I had to have a test.` Had it a second time and I was flat out for 8 weeks, six months later I'm still not 100% but I am luckier than many as I am getting there, small improvements every week and my aim is I will be "me" again on the anniversary of getting it.

Please don't assume you will always get it mildly because you did before.

Changemaname1 · 05/10/2022 09:23

Iv had covid and was moderately ill with it think 3 days unable to do much level and has some breathing issues after for a few weeks however I have travelled( when allowed ) worked etc etc throughout the pandemic as normal I wouldn’t say I’m lax about it but certainly not someone who who worries about it and I can honestly say there is not a chance in hell I’d knowingly have covid and host a party it’s incredibly selfish

mumto2teenagers · 05/10/2022 09:23

I probably wouldn't test unless I felt ill enough to cancel a party anyway. If I tested positive I would probably cancel.

We are attending a party next weekend, there are going to be a lot of people there so there is a chance that someone there will have covid, but it's a risk we feel okay taking. There is also a risk I could catch covid on the tube or in the office when I got to work, again a risk I am okay with. It is up to people how much risk they are comfortable with.

Original poster

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 09:24

‘I'm guessing you've never had the flu? Confused’

Inhave had flu, and been laid up in bed with it.
But who have flu aren’t accused of killing the vulnerable the way people with Covid are!
what I meant a is - do we start treating Covid like colds and flu - ie if you’re well enough you get on with your day, if you’re sick you stay in bed but you don’t stay off work and cancel every engagement if you don’t need to…

OP posts:

tranquiltortoise · 05/10/2022 09:25

It's not just about you and those that choose to attend your party.

You could pass Covid to, say, 10 people. Those 10 people will then go on and go about their day to day lives, passing it to more people.

Please think this through, it's so irresponsible even if everyone knows and agrees. There is a wider impact.

mindutopia · 05/10/2022 09:26

Personally, I treat COVID like the flu or a vomiting bug. If I had either, I wouldn't invite people over to my house for a party. I'd re-schedule. However, at the very least, if hosts decided to go ahead, the right thing to do is to let people know so they can decide for themselves what they want to do.

One of my dc had a birthday party the other week (still only 4 so not quite at the drop and run stage yet). My older dc is friends with the birthday child's older sibling and when I got home, she was like, oh, do you know that birthday child's mum has COVID? I did notice she had a mask hanging from one ear, but definitely wasn't actually wearing it. I would have definitely appreciated the heads up.

Doingprettywellthanks · 05/10/2022 09:27

had no symptoms. None. Was gobsmacked when pcr positive

so I would tell everyone and make clear no pressure to attend but definitely crack on with the party!

Tralalalalalalalalalala · 05/10/2022 09:27

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:23

I suppose my Q is - if you think you have Covid and feel okay, are you honestly going to self isolate or do we just treat it like a cold or flu??

This makes me so angry. No one, ever, should be going about their daily lives without a care for others when they have a cold, flu or covid.

Even before covid the selfish gits that used to come in to my office sneezing and spluttering their germs over everyone, was insane. For many people, asthmatics included, this could be extremely dangerous.

CheezePleeze · 05/10/2022 09:28

Most people don't have/can't afford to keep buying tests anyway.

If you found yourself with a sore throat/cough etc, surely you'd just let your guests know and let them make the choice?

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 05/10/2022 09:28

Morph22010 · 05/10/2022 07:42

How do people know they have covid if they aren’t ill, are there people still regularly testing? I’d only test if a had definite covid symptoms not for every little sniffle so I’d be none the wiser

“Definite covid symptoms” have changed though. The most common now is a sore throat. Fever and loss of smell/taste are further down the list and more rare. (According to Zoe).

The only way to know is to test.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/10/2022 09:28

I think the short answer is you’d be incredibly selfish to go ahead, even if you inform your guests.

Wheresthebeach · 05/10/2022 09:29

Most people aren't getting boosters...so risks will be higher again.

It's not a cold for lots of people, and long Covid is a thing. Flu goes away after a couple of weeks, not necessarily Covid.

Of course you cancel.

Hbh17 · 05/10/2022 09:29

Don't test, just carry on as normal. For the millionth time, Covid is not a serious illness, we will all catch it multiple times and it really doesn't matter.

Brefugee · 05/10/2022 09:30

But who have flu aren’t accused of killing the vulnerable the way people with Covid are!

stop it. Flu can kill. And if we have played fast and loose in the past over wandering blithely around and carrying on while in the early contagious stages - we were wrong and should have been better. (I have worked a long long long time with people from China, Korea and Japan. And while they do suffer from preseneeism and go to work when sick, at least they wore masks and usually took themselves into separate offices to minimise impact on the rest of us. I have long thought we should all be doing that and had hoped the pandemic would have taught us that)

So yes, while i don't accuse people of killing other people - i am very firm in my belief that they are being total twats and passing on highly contagious potentially fatal, diseases.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/10/2022 09:30

Splutteramo · Today 07:23
I suppose my Q is - if you think you have Covid and feel okay, are you honestly going to self isolate or do we just treat it like a cold or flu??“

I honestly would isolate (haven’t had it to my knowledge but my husband did and he isolated until negative). It can be so much worse than a cold, even for vaccinated people. Don’t want to make anyone sick.

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