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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still hold this party if Covid ++?

193 replies

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:19

DP has a 40 coming up and we’re having a party - 40/50 people at ours. A couple of friends now have Covid, though should be fine by birthday time.
DP and I were discussing what would happen if either of us were ++ - do we still go ahead? We have events in the run up plus kids in school and we know it’s spiking/spreading.

but UK now just says - get on with it. Don’t even test. Is that right? If someone’s worried or vulnerable they wouldn’t come anyway.

YANBU - just have the party - life goes on

YABU - you have to cancel if someone in the household has COvID, morally if not legally.

OP posts:
Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 05/10/2022 08:25

If you knew, yeah YABU.

It s a little like havinga party with a contageous stomach bug. Noone is telling you you must isolate, but surely its common sense and polite to your guests not to give them an illness you know you carry and that is easily transmissable.

HighlandPony · 05/10/2022 08:29

Eryr22 · 05/10/2022 07:39

I'm another one who has just caught Covid at 36 weeks pregnant and feel like death. Also wouldn't inflict this on anybody.

It’s bloody awful on top of pregnancy. Fingers crossed you feel better soon.

maddiesmam · 05/10/2022 08:30

Depends how u feel if you did catch it? If u felt rotten then you wouldn't be up to it anyway but if you felt fine then warn your guests and go ahead.

Probably most of your guests would come anyway if they had Covid and felt well. Or your guests could have Covid, not know about it and attend.

Malfi · 05/10/2022 08:34

Those that I know who have Covid this time round, after having it before, are much sicker than in previous times. You shouldn’t hold the party if you get Covid.

Mindymomo · 05/10/2022 08:36

If I were a guest at a party where the host knowingly has covid, there’s absolutely no way on earth I would attend. Yes, I know you can catch it anywhere but to go inside a house where there is covid is not something I or in fact anyone I know would do.

properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 08:37

Tell all your invitees and leave it to them. They will probably all cancel but you never know.

Brefugee · 05/10/2022 08:38

not knowing and being asymptomatic is a whole other kettle of fish. There is no way to handle that unless we all lockdown forevermore.

If you are ill - with anything - contagious, hosting a party is inconsiderate at best.

So i think the real question is: how will you feel if you warn your guests and 20%, 50%, 70% of them say "thanks for the heads up, sorry we won't be coming"

Will that cause a lot of problems / costs / inconvenience to you? Because for me, at this time, the calculation i would make, as a guest, is "i really don't know how Covid will affect me, I'm not taking the chance this time". Depending on venue, etc. Huge hall, not many people: maybe I'd go. Outdoor, i'd go. Indoor not much space quite a few people; nope.

Choconut · 05/10/2022 08:41

As long as everyone is aware then no problem as it's their choice - but having had covid and really not wanting it again I wouldn't go to a party with someone who knowing had it.

Teaandcrumpets95 · 05/10/2022 08:43

Just tell people and they can make their own choice.

But if I were invited I definitely wouldn't be coming as had covid a few weeks ago and it was horrendous! I could barely get out of bed so i wouldn't risk getting it again.

MajorCarolDanvers · 05/10/2022 08:44

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:23

I suppose my Q is - if you think you have Covid and feel okay, are you honestly going to self isolate or do we just treat it like a cold or flu??

If you have flu you can't get out of bed never mind have a party. It's not actually a choice.

If you have a cold and you feel well enough crack on

Covid can go either way.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/10/2022 08:45

The thing is you could tell everyone, and leave it up to them to make the decision - but what if one of those people (one of your friends) got really sick? Or passed it to an elderly relative? Their decision, their responsibility so - shrug, yeah?

I would cancel and reschedule.

Sage396 · 05/10/2022 08:45

I think I might be coming down with it at the moment. Currently testing negative, but continuing to test because I don't want to put my family at risk. A couple of family members have had it in the past few months and they were really, really sick. I wouldn't want to expose people to say, the flu or a vomiting bug either.

You need to warn people. It wouldn't be fair to not so do.

LemonTT · 05/10/2022 08:46

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 08:04

‘There is still the legal question to be answered.’

there really isn’t. Given we don’t test anymore, aren’t encouraged to, and aren’t told to self isolate. And how would you prove where the person got it from? It’d be like trying to convict someone who gave another person flu that ended up killing that person.

It sounds like you have a firm position on this issue. Which begs the question why are you asking for a debate when you have made up your mind and don’t want to change it.

viques · 05/10/2022 08:46

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 08:08

‘I don’t know why you’d even test?’

we wouldn’t, normally.

But maybe testing in the run up to the party would be a sensible thing to do, if negative then you can both enjoy the party, if positive you can then decide whether to cancel or go ahead after telling everyone.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 05/10/2022 08:46

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:23

I suppose my Q is - if you think you have Covid and feel okay, are you honestly going to self isolate or do we just treat it like a cold or flu??

Me , I'd isolate. I don't expect that everyone is though, so I do my best to protect myself (no unnecessary shops etc). I think you SHOULD, but if you don't, the VERY least you can do is tell everyone who is invited & defer any meals out etc.

he's 40, you can do stuff when you're all well.

properdoughnut · 05/10/2022 08:46

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/10/2022 08:45

The thing is you could tell everyone, and leave it up to them to make the decision - but what if one of those people (one of your friends) got really sick? Or passed it to an elderly relative? Their decision, their responsibility so - shrug, yeah?

I would cancel and reschedule.

That's a point yeah. You don't want to kill a guest.

MsMartini · 05/10/2022 08:47

Why do you think the UK says "get on with it"?

The guidance for England says "Try to stay at home and avoid contact with others if you have tested positive for coronavirus (COVID-19) or have symptoms of COVID-19."

www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/self-isolation-and-treatment/when-to-self-isolate-and-what-to-do/

MikeWozniaksMoustache · 05/10/2022 08:48

As long as you tell everyone. But personally I wouldn’t attend, and it would make me think differently about you if you were my friend. Be prepared for people not coming.

You also need to inform the venue if you are having it outside the home.

mamabear715 · 05/10/2022 08:48

Please yourselves, but stay the fuck away from me & mine..

Wowzers12 · 05/10/2022 08:48

Whole house is currently down with covid include 3mo. It's hell. If you feel ok to have a party then make sure you warn everyone attending. Don't be a dick

mamabear715 · 05/10/2022 08:48

(My DS just getting over pneumonia.)

Imissmoominmama · 05/10/2022 08:50

I can’t help but laugh that this is the thing people are choosing to trust the Tories over.

I have Covid now. Funny it ain’t ☹️.

HangOnToYourself · 05/10/2022 08:51

I nearly died from the flu and was in hospital for weeks fighting off pneumonia with it. So yes I would treat it like the flu and stay well away from anyone (and if you host a party with the flu then you should go straight to hell)

ifonly4 · 05/10/2022 08:52

If you care about your guests, it'd be only right to tell them. Some will be vulnerable or have vulnerable friends, family. Others will be quite ill with it, even if vaccination. Also, many would feel it was only right or they wouldn't be well enough to partake in plans, ie holidays, social arrangements etc.

Kleine · 05/10/2022 08:52

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:23

I suppose my Q is - if you think you have Covid and feel okay, are you honestly going to self isolate or do we just treat it like a cold or flu??

I would still test if ill and self isolate. I'm boring like that.

But even if you wouldn't, there are a few shades of grey between locking yourself away completely and deliberately mixing with 50 of your nearest and dearest. Especially at a party, where there's likely to be more proximity and contact than there would be at work, for example, and especially when it's DH's birthday so guests will feel a bit of an obligation.