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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still hold this party if Covid ++?

193 replies

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:19

DP has a 40 coming up and we’re having a party - 40/50 people at ours. A couple of friends now have Covid, though should be fine by birthday time.
DP and I were discussing what would happen if either of us were ++ - do we still go ahead? We have events in the run up plus kids in school and we know it’s spiking/spreading.

but UK now just says - get on with it. Don’t even test. Is that right? If someone’s worried or vulnerable they wouldn’t come anyway.

YANBU - just have the party - life goes on

YABU - you have to cancel if someone in the household has COvID, morally if not legally.

OP posts:
Morph22010 · 05/10/2022 07:42

How do people know they have covid if they aren’t ill, are there people still regularly testing? I’d only test if a had definite covid symptoms not for every little sniffle so I’d be none the wiser

Zonder · 05/10/2022 07:42

Not isolating is one thing, holding a party is quite another thing!

NoNameChangeRequired · 05/10/2022 07:44

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:23

I suppose my Q is - if you think you have Covid and feel okay, are you honestly going to self isolate or do we just treat it like a cold or flu??

Would you like the staff that care for your vulnerable child/parent/grandparent to carry on as normal?

My friend is burying her 68 year old DM today, she was taken into hospital with breathing difficulties 2 weeks ago due to Covid and never came out.

phishy · 05/10/2022 07:49

Would you like the staff that care for your vulnerable child/parent/grandparent to carry on as normal?

Why shouldn’t they? They have lives outside of work.

Original poster
Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:52

‘Would you like the staff that care for your vulnerable child/parent/grandparent to carry on as norma?’

would I expect them to go into work where they care for vulnerable people - No, and there are rules in place for these settings.there are rules for when they are sick with anything. My nurse/doctor friends would not go to work.

do I expect them to carry on their lives as normal - of course. Are they supposed to hide in a bubble?

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 05/10/2022 07:57

I don’t know why you’d even test? Unless one of you was ill enough to just cancel on that basis. It’s your guests choice to come or not. We had our wedding in april and no one tested - life has to go on.

Gindrinker43 · 05/10/2022 08:01

There is still the legal question to be answered. What happens if you knowingly go ahead, someone contracts COVID as a result and become seriously ill or dies. They would have a case and I’m surprised we aren’t hearing about cases already.

Fe345fleur · 05/10/2022 08:02

Personally I would cancel. But if you do want to go ahead tell people so they can make an informed decision. It's still a very big deal for anyone with a compromised immune system.

TigerRag · 05/10/2022 08:03

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:52

‘Would you like the staff that care for your vulnerable child/parent/grandparent to carry on as norma?’

would I expect them to go into work where they care for vulnerable people - No, and there are rules in place for these settings.there are rules for when they are sick with anything. My nurse/doctor friends would not go to work.

do I expect them to carry on their lives as normal - of course. Are they supposed to hide in a bubble?

But what about everyone else? Or do vulnerable people not matter? Is it too much to ask that when people are sick, they stay home?

Original poster
Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 08:04

‘There is still the legal question to be answered.’

there really isn’t. Given we don’t test anymore, aren’t encouraged to, and aren’t told to self isolate. And how would you prove where the person got it from? It’d be like trying to convict someone who gave another person flu that ended up killing that person.

OP posts:
FannyCann · 05/10/2022 08:04

do we just treat it like a cold or flu??

Personally I really hate when people knowingly spread their cold and flu germs. Especially to elderly relatives and young children. It's so antisocial.

lovelilies · 05/10/2022 08:05

If I have a cold I won't test. I work in healthcare so it's a bit of a grey area
Do what you feel is right

megletthesecond · 05/10/2022 08:06

Yabu. You'd cancel for flu and a nasty cold. It would be shit to deliberately spread a another virus.

Original poster
Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 08:07

‘Or do vulnerable people not matter?’

I’d expect those people to manage their own risk accordingly. My BIL is in that category and he won’t be coming, nor would I expect him to. He chooses where and when he goes to places himself. And whether or not he thinks going on holiday is worth the risk of a plane flight - yes for him - or not.
so while he’ll go on holiday, he avoids indoor crowded situations. He’ll go to an outdoor party or event but not indoor.

it’s not up to the rest of the world to tiptoe around vulnerable people, not in general.

OP posts:
Original poster
Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 08:08

‘I don’t know why you’d even test?’

we wouldn’t, normally.

OP posts:
LaForza101 · 05/10/2022 08:10

What if someone at the party is early in pregnancy and hasn't been able to get the jab yet? They are not going to tell you and it may feel like a completely different risk to them to go to a party where you hope no one has COVID vs. one where the hosts have COVID and knowingly didn't tell anyone.

Sure it is their choice to go to parties but wouldn't you feel guilty? And then there are those who are not vulnerable and get hit hard by it anyway.

I don't understand why you would want to risk the health of people you presumably care about for the sake of taking a test

SoupDragon · 05/10/2022 08:10

Gindrinker43 · 05/10/2022 08:01

There is still the legal question to be answered. What happens if you knowingly go ahead, someone contracts COVID as a result and become seriously ill or dies. They would have a case and I’m surprised we aren’t hearing about cases already.

There is no legal question. If someone chooses to go to the party having been told the OP has covid then that is their choice. She said she would tell everyone in the hypothetical scenario.

phishy · 05/10/2022 08:12

LaForza101 · 05/10/2022 08:10

What if someone at the party is early in pregnancy and hasn't been able to get the jab yet? They are not going to tell you and it may feel like a completely different risk to them to go to a party where you hope no one has COVID vs. one where the hosts have COVID and knowingly didn't tell anyone.

Sure it is their choice to go to parties but wouldn't you feel guilty? And then there are those who are not vulnerable and get hit hard by it anyway.

I don't understand why you would want to risk the health of people you presumably care about for the sake of taking a test

Sigh. OP has clearly said she would tell everyone about the Covid.

Original poster
Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 08:13

‘What if someone at the party is early in pregnancy and hasn't been able to get the jab yet?’

its up to them to manage their risk, no? We would tell everyone.

OP posts:
gogohmm · 05/10/2022 08:17

How would you know you had covid? Seriously - don't test unless you are unwell in which case you wouldn't want a party anyway

gogohmm · 05/10/2022 08:19

I say this as someone in the queue currently for my covid booster and flu jab.

I'm the fortunate one who is asymptomatic

TinyTear · 05/10/2022 08:19

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:23

I suppose my Q is - if you think you have Covid and feel okay, are you honestly going to self isolate or do we just treat it like a cold or flu??

Would you really have a party if you had the flu?

So yes, treat it like a flu, but i would be home in bed and see no one if i had flu

Funkyblues101 · 05/10/2022 08:19

Splutteramo · 05/10/2022 07:23

I suppose my Q is - if you think you have Covid and feel okay, are you honestly going to self isolate or do we just treat it like a cold or flu??

Flu is a horrific illness, there's nothing "just" about it. Far worse than covid for most people - you wouldn't be hosting a party!

Sceptre86 · 05/10/2022 08:23

Your nurse or doctor friends might not go into work with covid but as a pharmacist I'm expected to despite coming into contact with vulnerable adults and children.

I would tell people if you have covid symptoms and let them make their own choices. Be prepared though for a low turnout as people might not come for reasons other than poor health such as they are going on holiday and don't want to chance being poorly.

Brefugee · 05/10/2022 08:23

I suppose my Q is - if you think you have Covid and feel okay, are you honestly going to self isolate or do we just treat it like a cold or flu??

if you have actual flu (not a heavy cold) and invite me to your house without telling me, that would be the last time i met up with you in person. Doubly so for covid.
Heavy cold? I'd want to know too.

People have long Covid and have gone from being fine to being in a wheelchair and unable to work, others have shaken it off with no issues. And yet you want to know - because you can't work it out for yourself - if you should invite people to your house where they might contract a life-changing illness?

Can you not see, whatever the contagious illness it is, how utterly selfish and batshit this is?