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AIBU?

Be honest! Has anyone ever set out to marry a rich man and/or encouraged their daughters to do it?

248 replies

WitTanks · 04/10/2022 17:35

I was wondering as it seems to be the case with lots on Instagram influencers, as well as some women I know locally, that lots of women come from a low income working class background, have not had a career themselves and have just seemingly set out to marry a rich city type or business owner.

One woman that I know, who has three twentysomething daughters, has encouraged all three to marry rich men; two have done so, and married wealthy men far older than they are, and the third is still single but works in healthcare and has said she is 'trying to find a consultant' to be with.

Has anyone on here done this or do you encourage your daughters to marry someone wealthy?

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 04/10/2022 17:39

No. Hell would freeze over before I groomed my daughter for a life of financial dependence and having to tailor their entire lives to fit with the whims of a rich man.

akabluebell · 04/10/2022 17:40

No but I had a criteria which if they didn't meet I didn't follow up after the first date.

jewishmum · 04/10/2022 17:41

I feel this is something parents who send their children to private school secretly hope for.

Thereisnolight · 04/10/2022 17:41

Marry a rich man and you’ll earn every penny.

MysweetAudrina · 04/10/2022 17:42

No, I value education and independence too much and try to instil those values in my children.

SugerNiner · 04/10/2022 17:43

My friends mum has encouraged my friend to...

sausagepastapot · 04/10/2022 17:44

There's a difference between finding a rich partner to rely on versus having a partner who is your financial equal. I would hate to sponge off my husband, and I'd hate it if he sponged off me- we bring the same to the table.

I will encourage DC to get jobs they love that pay well, and seek a partner that is on a level playing field with them, intellectually and financially.

Glitteratitar · 04/10/2022 17:44

It’s a tricky one, as I guess a simple answer would be yes but the reality is it’s complicated.

I have a successful career and earn a good six figure salary. It was important for me to be with someone on a similar level, which meant someone having a good job and salary was important to me when looking to meet someone. Objectively it could be said I was looking for a wealthy man but actually I wanted someone similar.

QueenOfWeeds · 04/10/2022 17:44

Categorically not. I ended up engaged to my teen boyfriend who is now very successful in the City. I had a few lovely years of popping things on his credit card (whilst saving for myself) and when dating after the breakup I actively avoided anyone with similar careers. The money is no substitute for a human being and, in his field at least, the money came with a job which seemingly buys your soul.

Thepeopleversuswork · 04/10/2022 17:45

jewishmum · 04/10/2022 17:41

I feel this is something parents who send their children to private school secretly hope for.

I send my daughter to private school specifically to allow her to avoid the prospect of financial dependence on a man.

There are girls schools which are like this, essentially grooming girls to be the perfect helpmeet to some hedge fund big swinger or aristocrat. But plenty of parents send girls to private school because they want them to achieve enough that they don't have to rely on someone else for security.

Private schools aren't all the same.

Freddiefan · 04/10/2022 17:46

Years ago a friend told me that she intended to marry someone rich. She did but eventually discovered that he had a second family!

Avidreader69 · 04/10/2022 17:46

Yes I would. The general consensus here seems to be that if you marry someone rich, then a) you'll be miserable and b) you'll be financially dependent. What's wrong with a joint bank account?
However much people try to pretend it doesn't, money counts in this world.

W0tnow · 04/10/2022 17:47

I have no shame in encouraging my daughters to marry someone who is solvent, someone who doesn’t force them to save for maternity leave, or penny pinch, someone with prospects beyond just making the rent every month.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 04/10/2022 17:48

I know someone who said that was their aim. This was decades ago, nothing to do with influencers

Afaik the daughter did marry a relatively wealthy man but I've lost touch with my friend so don't know if she also works.

declutteringmymind · 04/10/2022 17:48

The men I'd want my daughter to marry aren't those who want to 'keep' their wife. However most wealthy men and women that I know aren't attracted to financially dependent people. It's pretty out dated to marry for money I reckon.

hobbledyhoy · 04/10/2022 17:49

Thereisnolight · 04/10/2022 17:41

Marry a rich man and you’ll earn every penny.

Very good quote

HighlandPony · 04/10/2022 17:49

Sort of. I’d encourage mine to go for tradies coz that’s where the money is locally. My brothers are tradies, my sister married a plumber and all do well enough to live comfortably enough without having to move away.

Thepeopleversuswork · 04/10/2022 17:49

W0tnow · 04/10/2022 17:47

I have no shame in encouraging my daughters to marry someone who is solvent, someone who doesn’t force them to save for maternity leave, or penny pinch, someone with prospects beyond just making the rent every month.

But there's a vast difference between marrying someone solvent who is roughly equal to you financially and who will support your career and financial independence and marrying someone rich just so you can live off them. Which is very clearly what the woman the OP is referencing is encouraging her daughters to do.

The first is just sensible advice, the second is basically grooming them to sponge off men.

Isaidnono · 04/10/2022 17:50

I think it is easier for girls to be social mobile in that sense.

bingobanjo · 04/10/2022 17:51

I dated a man when I was a teenager who happened to be very wealthy. He was awful and very manipulative and would always use his money to make big gestures when he was a dick. I now actively prefer a poor man! I don’t want to be with someone who is very used to using money to get what they want or get out of trouble.

I did find it interesting that when he cheated on me, my dad told me I had a good thing going and to think carefully about the big picture before I made any rash decisions. I don’t know if he meant if the relationship is otherwise good then it’s not black and white, or if he meant weigh up cheating against being minted.

I would encourage my daughters (and do encourage my friends) to take a man’s “social value” out of the equation because career/wealth shouldn’t put you off a relationship. But I say that knowing I’m secure in having my own assets and making my own money. If you’ve been dealt a terrible hand in life, I support a woman using whatever she has at her disposable to try and improve her situation. If you’re desperately poor with no prospects and you meet a rich man who likes you… I say go for it.

sideplates · 04/10/2022 17:52

I know people who did this, one who was incredibly "happy" scarpered when the money ran out. She's found another richer one.

Snowflakes2 · 04/10/2022 17:53

My mum encouraged me too when I was younger and I told her no, I will marry for love!! She always said I would get by on my looks and not my brains. Lovely woman!!

I did infact marry for love and certainly not for money as he had/has nothing.

SophieSellerman · 04/10/2022 17:53

I did know I wouldn't ever marry a man whose income wouldn't enable me to be a SAHM. I have dated anyone with a low or insecure income; I would have thought there was no point as it would never go anywhere. Marriage is hard work even if you've got plenty of money and a nice house; as so many threads on here demonstrate, it's even harder if you're struggling financially.

I encourage my DDs to earn well for themselves (because who knows? They might not want to have children or be able to have them), but also encourage them to think beyond immediate physical attraction. It's fine to have a fling with some hot-but-poor guy, but there's no point marrying them.

Legselevens · 04/10/2022 17:54

I would attach some importance to a man who is self sufficient, doing well, possibly a bit of a go getter, however this type of man may not necessarily be cash rich. I would encourage any daughter to earn their own money. I believe that the concept of marriage and one partner for life is evolving. However, as generally females are the child rearers/child bearing they can be in a no win situation so it would lessen the blow if the partner is well off. If they are with the right person they will be happier.

NashvilleQueen · 04/10/2022 17:54

No

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