Be honest! Has anyone ever set out to marry a rich man and/or encouraged their daughters to do it?

[WitTanks]

I was wondering as it seems to be the case with lots on Instagram influencers, as well as some women I know locally, that lots of women come from a low income working class background, have not had a career themselves and have just seemingly set out to marry a rich city type or business owner.

One woman that I know, who has three twentysomething daughters, has encouraged all three to marry rich men; two have done so, and married wealthy men far older than they are, and the third is still single but works in healthcare and has said she is 'trying to find a consultant' to be with.

Has anyone on here done this or do you encourage your daughters to marry someone wealthy?

I couldn't imagine getting involved in my kids love life and suggesting they should go for someone like this or like - I would never have listened to my own mum if she'd done that! If they're happy then I'm happy, I'd just like them to have someone nice really.

Nope and nope

Most high flyers marry other people with good educations and good careers. Even if one of the partners downshifts their career, there is still an expectation of both partners being able to achieve.

I did. I grew up extremely poor and I knew I didn’t want to continue living like that and I didn’t want it for my kids. Of course I tried to get a good job myself as well - but let’s face it, if you have a good job then a poor man drags you down, whereas a rich man makes you twice as rich. No matter how much you personally earn, your family will always be richer if you have a rich husband.

I was this close to marrying someone who grew up in a huge country house and attended public school and owned a multi million pound family business, but disappointingly it didn’t work out. In the end I married a working class man who pulled himself up by his bootstraps and achieved a well paid role as a company director. Along the way I dumped four or five others who had potential when we first met but after a year or so they weren’t achieving anything and just weren’t ambitious enough. I dumped one guy after several months because he found out he had a child and I wasn’t willing to share any future inheritance. Money was always a major factor in my choices.

Some very daft points on here.

You really think any girl from a council estate can go on to make thousands in banking, or go into law or ICT or engineering? PMSL.

Umm, no it isn't. I actually laughed out loud at that idea.

No definitely not - I was the higher earner in my relationship and would hate to be dependent on someone else for my living. That’s no way to live imo. I encourage dds to achieve for themselves not sponge off a man.

this is awful common on mn though and I do wonder if it is more common irl than I realize. On another thread lots of women were claiming that men are naturally providers and women naturally homemakers and that I was just jealous of their husbands! I can’t believe women still think like that but clearly some do.

I agree with the sentiment that women should make their own way in life, but that is a horribly misogynistic turn of phrase that you should be ashamed of using. Really unpleasant and nasty.

I’m from a council estate and an immigrant family. I was always interested in a man for themselves and not their money. I’m a talented professional- I can earn for myself.

I suppose my equivalent was u wanted someone educated and intelligent as my dds father. That mattered more than money to me.

Not “any girl” perhaps but lots can and I did. We should bring up our daughters to achieve for themselves not marry a rich man. Don’t be such a misogynist.

I always wanted to marry a rich old man from being small (I have no idea why! - probably a life of shopping in netto, every toy from a car boot, hand me down clothes, no fresh fruit or veg and see my dad bolt the other way when the ice cream man came round 😆). I wouldn’t want that for my daughter however (marry a rich old man), instead I don’t put much importance on material things and always make sure my kids don’t go without.

My grandad always told me ( half joking ) to marry for money and not love.

I can confirm however I married for love and we're doing ok!

Absolutely!

I know someone who did it? Loved off daddy, was encouraged to attend uni to meet someone of the ‘right calibre’. Married, has two lovely children and has never worked a day in her life. She seems happy, stereotypical stay at home rich mum who goes to the gym, bakes for the kids and keeps chickens. She’s rich through her parents so not financially stuck, she just has the life she wanted 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m not going to lie, I’m a single parent with two kids and no money, her side of the fence looks pretty green to me!

No and no
But dire warnings to DD's about marrying someone hopeless with money/feckless/wasteful/lazy

You will get the usual MN line on threads like this. But how many of us are actually married to a man darling less that £75k?

*earning

Excellent post, completely agree!

I would always encourage them to be self sufficient. However, I think I would encourage them to think about the lifestyle that they want, and discourage them from supporting a man who doesn't work through choice and is looking for an easy ride.

No, but from my own experience I encourage them not to go into a marriage where they will be the breadwinner. I've read too many threads on here about women not being able to afford Mat leave because they are the higher earner. I also think you need a balance between heart and head when choosing a partner. I don't think love is always wise.

No I can quite honestly say definitely not!

Looking back to my relationships in my late teens & 20s there was no other motivation apart from personality/connection & of course good looks

I really didn't consider their financial situation much

Looking back I think my parents were obvs more switched on and drawing conclusions about boyfriends who seemed to lack drive for careers/earning well

@beneathhereyes

I'd be far more concerned about her not being able to afford to leave than not be able to afford a mat leave.

I'd imagine that must be quite rare

I'll be encouraging both of mine to share mat/pat leave (if they even have kids)

I have very clever girls. I have explained about cock lodgers and leeches. My bf had a dh who played the Xbox whilst she worked 80 hours and did everything at home, now happily divorced. They learnt a lot watching that play out. I am not encouraging marriage based on wealth but they do know their own worth, and marrying an educated, enlightened and good match whom isn’t going to drain them and ruin their lives is very important. They are much better to remain single, solvent and together than a second rate man that can’t pull his weight.

We do have to be realistic. And practical.

Nope. I wish for them to have interesting jobs or hobbies that use their minds and give them a sense of purpose. Kids and marriage, up to them, they may choose not to bother, I don't think it's the tempting deal or social norm it was even 30 years ago. Everyone on Mumsnet seems bored with their jobs or bored with their husbands.

I cringe when thinking back to a boyfriend I was with for around 4 years

He was lovely, life & soul of the party, v good fun...but hopeless on the financial side of things

I earned much more than he did, I bought my own flat without him, we never officially lived together...

I'm so glad I didn't let him on the mortgage or end up pregnant with him, I can see that my life would have turned out so different if I'd stayed with him and not for the better