Be honest! Has anyone ever set out to marry a rich man and/or encouraged their daughters to do it?

[WitTanks]

I was wondering as it seems to be the case with lots on Instagram influencers, as well as some women I know locally, that lots of women come from a low income working class background, have not had a career themselves and have just seemingly set out to marry a rich city type or business owner.

One woman that I know, who has three twentysomething daughters, has encouraged all three to marry rich men; two have done so, and married wealthy men far older than they are, and the third is still single but works in healthcare and has said she is 'trying to find a consultant' to be with.

Has anyone on here done this or do you encourage your daughters to marry someone wealthy?

No, but a friend of a friend chose a career where she would come into contact with rich and famous men. She is now married to a very rich, very famous man.

Would you encourage your sons to marry a rich woman?

No. I encourage both my kids (boy & girl) to get out and earn their own money

No but I did set out to have a good career and will encourage my daughter to do the same.

My best friend married a very wealthy man accidentally. (So to speak). They were working in a similar field abroad and were together (and engaged) for a couple of years before she ever found out exactly how wealthy he is when they decided to return to the UK in order to support his elderly parents. Even now she is completely unphased about it. Just grateful. She's had to stop work because he now has a serious illness and one of their Dcs is disabled and all she says is how grateful she is that she does not have to worry for every penny. (She does give alot of those pennies away in treats to friends and family as well. She is incredibly generous, as indeed is her DH .)

I'd always encourage her to value her own education and ambitions. I would also encounter to be with some lone who mirrors that.

I always knew I would marry someone who I could be comfortable with as I wanted to stay at home with my children. I now have a fantastic career but was still able to spend that time at home

No.

I now someone who did that . All she had to do was open her legs. What has she achieved for herself by herself ? Nothing . Yet if she divorced him she would still be at for life .

Would I pimp my daughter out to an older ruch man.....that's a NO from me

Sounds like she achieved exactly what she set out to achieve. Set comfort for the rest of her life

No. My husband is financially successful but I'm only a couple of years behind him in career terms. We support each other.

What has been important to me, and I would encourage my daughters to consider, is to marry a man (or woman) with a good job (you know, one they care about, that motivates them, that they still see themselves doing in ten, twenty years, or that they see as taking them somewhere. So carer qualifies if they're doing it because that's who they are as a person, not if the job centre forced them down there and they're only doing it until they can get out of it) and someone who is financially solvent (meaning lives within their means and can budget).
I don't believe a six figure salary is at all necessary for a happy life, but a career with a purpose is important, and being solvent is important.
I once dated someone who on the face of it had a great job (teacher), but he was in loads of stupid debt because he had never learnt to live within his means. He had payday loans and credit cards and eventually bailiffs coming out for his ears and I could never have had a future with him. We would never have been able to buy a house together, he would never have been able to save for a deposit, he was always asking me to bail him out for stupid debt repayments for impulse purchases. If we'd have had kids together I'd have had to pay for maternity leave and baby stuff, we'd never have been able to share money, he'd have been too happy spending his on meals out, pints and personal training. I would definitely warn my daughters off that sort of man.

Is this you, Carole?

No way! Focus on becoming rich yourself!

Why do so many women choose to try and find a rich husband instead of doing it themselves.

I can imagine many parents (eg Kate Middleton’s parents) do this and I see why they do it but I think if you don’t learn to make money and be independent then you’re putting yourself at risk.

There was a thread a while back with a poster who was very honest that she was on the look out for a rich husband to take care of her and her children.

While I agree it may not be cut and dried, this is rescuing. There’s a big space between broke and loaded, and people who marry for money usually end up with someone also viewing the marriage as transactional. You will be replaceable and if you bring kids into it, you model reliance and insecurity. Stand on your own two feet and walk through the hell, not around it. Life skills every time.

I wouldn't have married anyone whonwasnt successful and aspirational so by default, I suppose so. But I have also had the same criteria for myself, so we both see money as a reward for success and would be disappointed if our kids wanted to sit in a bedsit on the dole and smoke dope all day. I don't mean education exactly, if one wanted to be a hairdresser for example, I would hope they would want to travel, or own salons, nor just work in a local dump doing blue rinses.

Yes. I know of a woman with five daughters who made it her business to get them married off to wealthy men, regardless of their feelings.

No, and if suggested as much to 18yo DD she'd laugh in my face and quite rightly tell me she's more than capable of making her own money and creating a lifestyle that's not dependent on a bloke.

This is a really important point.

If you groom your daughters to be rich men’s handmaidens it’s not just that you are limiting their financial freedom.

Its also that you are teaching them a way of life that dictates that you are constantly subservient to someone else and supplicant when you want something. It’s a dreadful way to live, having to constantly live up to someone else’s standards of whether you are good enough.

You can’t both live like this and have healthy self-esteem.

In the UK?

This OP has the whiff of a journalist about it

Yes. Hampshire.

no, I encourage my DC to make their own money. Easier than being fully dependent on one single person who can decide to stop financing you just like that.

My friend engineered the meeting of her daughter and a wealthy man 18 years her senior. The daughter was a real catch, funny, kind, intelligent and attractive, the guy was very dull but quite wealthy. The daughter, like her mother, was programmed to go where the money was. Thirteen years later she's lonely, bored, they have totally different styles of parenting their 4 DDs, argue all the time, no intimacy, she wants to socialise, he doesn't. She's miserable. However, she insists its worth it because of the fabulous house, cars, expensive clothes, gadgets, meals out, holidays etc. So sad.

She’s probably a bit nicer than you seem to be.

I have also noticed that many rich men’s wives don’t work.

They are there to support him and make sure his house is tidy and his food is on the table.

If she won’t do it, he would find someone else who will.