To be disgusted by friends salary?

[Emeraldi]

I’ve spent the past week staying at a good friends dog-sitting whilst her and her partner are away on holiday. I mistakenly stumbled across an offer letter for her current job in a drawer whilst I was looking for something else, which set out her salary package. I wish I hadn’t, as I was absolutely shocked to see that she is earning very close to 6 figures and I can’t get it off my mind.

I had no idea she was earning a salary like this, we are both just under 30, she never went to uni whereas I did and I’m not even earning half of her salary and up to my eyeballs in student debt. Naturally I thought I was the higher earner of the two and have always been generous to help her out, such as cheap dog sitting when she’s away, buying her a drink when we’ve gone out etc.

She’s always been very money conscious so I had no reason to believe otherwise. This time she’s even left me a list of “house rules” during my stay about turning off all electrical items at the mains after use and keeping the heating at a set level to reduce heating costs.

It’s clear that she’s been using me to dog sit as she is no doubt paying me far less than she would pay for boarding at a kennels and I think of all the other times I’ve let her off financially for things in the past, like rounds of drinks or when I’ve brought dinner round. AIBU to feel used and to want to get my money back? Not sure how best to approach this. TIA

"Modest and respectful by taking free drinks and meals from OP? Whatever!"

Maybe she thinks the friends uni education means she's on double her salary. Works both ways

YABU - I do nice things for people because I want to, not because I think I've got more money than them!

"I mistakenly stumbled across an offer letter for her current job in a drawer whilst I was looking for something else"

Lol

And maybe she thinks you earn way more than you do?

Did u not offer to do these things though?
Im sure she thought you were offering to do favours from a friendship perspective and not based on her salary.

I'd bet my last pound on it being way more even than the OP wants to admit.

Her lack of university education. OP can you seriously hear yourself?

All of the higher earners I know (myself included) DONT have a university education and we mostly hit the 6 figures.

Please stop perpetuating the nonsense that a university education is the ONLY way to be successful.

Thats called hosting, OP choose to do it.

Why do you think it matters if she earns 18k a year or 90k a year, OP offered the senario and she accept being hosted with grace.

Rich people host each other all the times so not unusual, neither of these women talked about money so no reason for friend to think OP is 'poor' and OP is not scrambling for pennies, she was happy to do this when she thought she was the richer of the too.

I think a lot of people i know who dont have university degrees earn more than i do. Stands to reason as they have 3/4 more years in the workplace than me. You don't even need to go to uni to be a lawyer if you go down the Cilex route so yes plenty of my friends earn more with out uni

Jealousy, bitterness and snobbery all
oozing out of you here, and like hell did you ‘stumble’ across it. Do your friend a favour and stop being her ‘friend’

"due to her behaviour and lack of university education it seemed perfectly reasonable to assume she was worse off than me."

Just goes to show that your university education didn't teach you much,
Didn't teach you any manners either - snooping through your friend's paperwork....

@milawops you made me laugh there. Probably ( & I cannot believe I am typing this ) Oh yes I slipped on the soap and just unfortunately ended up with hoover up my arse

In someone else's house surely you don't read their correspondence & I realise the OP has fessed up to that - but looking at private papers especially anything to do with finances is all shades of wrong & for that OP @Emeraldi well done for admitting it.

You also should not be counting drinks you buy etc as I’m sure it is swings and roundabouts. Very unhealthy. Just avoid them if you feel this way.

YABU for assuming that you need to have attended uni and got a degree to earn a good salary.

Your friend just proved you categorically wrong on that one didn’t she? Maybe now you’ll stop making snobby assumptions about people.

You snooped, and it serves you right to have had your eyes opened.
You don’t have any right to feel disgusted at your friends salary. She obviously has skills and experience that warrant her being offered such a good package.
Just because you’ve been to university doesn’t make you more worthy than she is.

I mistakenly stumbled across an offer letter for her current job in a drawer whilst I was looking for something else

Yeah right 🤔

You shouldn't have looked.

And also, if you thought in all honesty your friend was worse off than you, why on earth were you charging her to dog sit?

I've never charged my friends a penny for looking after their pets,watering their plants or doing any such favours when they're away.

It's just what friends do.

I feel sorry for your friend. You wouldn't have given your time helping her decorating if you knew she could afford to pay for it to be done? She probably thought you were doing it because you were her friend and not because you thought of it as bestowing your charity on her.

Don't be so silly! of course you don't automatically earn more money than your friends just because you went to university! serves you right for being so snooty about your perceived superiority over your friend and that's coming from someone who also went to university.

Your friend has done nothing wrong. Eat humble pie and don't make the same mistake next time i.e rein in the lady bountiful ways, and pay for what you can afford and charge correctly for your services.

You didn't mistakenly read it though. That was a deliberate choice.

Well, you can't undo it. In future, don't go rummaging through other people's documents.

Re money. Yeah, go to her and say I read through your correspondence and realised you make a ton of cash so I want the money I chose to spend on you back. Here's an itemised bill...

That, you are going to have to suck up. Call it your snooping tax.

Going forward, don't pay for her stuff.

You made assumptions. Some of those assumptions seem to be based in snobbery. You've found out you were entirely wrong - but somehow it's her fault? Maybe she's been cheeky and has "used" you. Or she might actually think you're a good friend to her and don't mind helping her out. (I'm sure the dog is much happier at home than in kennels. I'm on the side of anyone who doesn't want to waste electricity.) By all means disabuse her about your friendship - but it's you that sounds unreasonable based on everything you have said.

She might assume you earn double of what are earns based on your generosity and having a degree.

You sound awful and judgy. You're not prepared to be nice to friends that have the money? You've been failed by your university education if it's led you to believe that's the only route to a well paid job. It sounds like it's made you in to a judgy snob.
Just because someone has money doesn't mean they can't give you house rules. For all she knows, you like her dog and want to get away from home.

@Emeraldi wow!! I’m glad you aren’t my friend! So because you consider yourself educated to a better standard, you believe she shouldn’t earn more money. What a crappy attitude.

I can't say whether or not your grievance is unreasonable but I don't believe for a second that you "stumbled" across the letter in some sort of misguided accident