MIL asking for gift back

[hattiez]

My MIL knitted / crocheted some cardigans / jumpers/ outfits and a couple of blankets for my son when he was born. They where given to us in a gift bag / wrapped in tissue paper and with a card with the usual congratulations on. One of the blankets had his name on and the other in colours/ design to match the nursery we planned.
A distant member of my husbands family related by marriage is due a baby shortly, my MIL has asked for the items she made for my son to be returned so she can give them to the family member.
My son is a young toddler and we hope to have another child shortly so we haven't passed on any of the baby things yet as hope to be able to use them again.
I'm not a hoarder and will happily pass things on once no longer needed and I appreciate that perhaps my MIL just wants to see the things she made in use again or that it may have been poorly worded and will of course return the items she made and gifted but AIBU unreasonable to be a bit upset / shocked that she's asked for them back to regift particularly as one has his name on and were quite personalised?
The cardigans and outfits obviously no longer fit so have been stored with his other clothes hopefully for a sibling and the blanket is on the chair in his room.
I appreciate families / friends hand things down / pass things on and we benefitted from friends giving us things however I would have kept the hand kitted things regardless in appreciation of the love and work gone into them.
I will return the items I think as it would seem she wants them back and I respect that she made them but it makes me feel a bit upset and weird that she has asked for what I thought was a gift back to pass on and wary of accepting future "gifts" in case they are also removed but perhaps its just me being unreasonable

You’re not handing them down then… you’re lending them. And you need to be clear that you’re expecting them back!

I declined the offer of borrowing lots of baby things from my DB and SIL as I didn’t want to be worried about damaging/loosing them if the all needed to be handed back and ticked off the inventory afterwards.

Haha no I'm not related to the MIL (I realise this was meant to be tongue in cheek), but reading in the news this morning that 1 in 4 people are having to dip into their savings to counter the rising cost of living gave me pause for thought on this thread.

I guess I'm offering a different perspective to the 'she's a CF' responses. Having a baby is ridiculously expensive and at times like these I believe it's important to help those in need, especially family.

And yes, I realise that the OP would like to save the items for a second child, but MIL doesn't know that.

We've told family that we're undecided on baby number two, so whilst we're happy to lend out the next to me crib (for example) we have said we would want this back in the event we did decide to have a second child. It's not been positioned as a gift, but the family member receiving it is grateful that this means they're not having to fork out £200 for a crib that will only be used for 6 months. This seems pretty sensible to me...

I would be upset and tempted to tell your MiL, in future can you make clear whether you are giving us a gift or a loan.

The thing is I think most people who receive such gifts will want to pay it forward at the right time. I wouldn't want to receive gifts that are really loans and the have to be careful with them or remember who to return them to.

I'm happy to pass things on when no longer needed, I wouldn't mind a casual heads up that there is someone on the look out for baby things, I wouldn't be impressed to have someone tell me what to do with specific items.

I think this is fair.

I am a big believer in paying it forward (especially since having a baby, the stuff I've accumulated is ridiculous) but it should be my decision what and when to pass forward.

I agree with other PPs

If you've put away these handmade cardigans she gave you/she made for your baby, ready for your next baby, and you don't want to give them away to distant relatives, then it's ok to say- "no thanks MIL, we haven't finished with his baby cardis and don't plan to give them away. We'll bear in mind to offer them to you however if we do plan to give them away in the future. We love them and any future babies we have will get dressed in them!"

The personalised blanket is absolutely your son's . That's a keepsake and there's zero chance that gets given away. It's not MILs to offer to anyone else (well none of them are) it belongs to him. (Unless you /DS don't like it!)

So I wouldn't even acknowledge that she's CF asking for that.

My youngest DD (14) still has her 'blankie' she had as a baby , it's hers. She has it on her bed ...

I kept it safe for her (stored it safely during the "tuck up cat /dog with blankie" young years!!)
I'm just hoping it'll stay at home if/when she goes to Uni so it doesn't become 'beer blanket' !!

Goodness. Just return some things, not the personalised items or the ones you specifically like. Explain your surprise and disappointment. In future, when she gifts anything, check whether it is a gift or a loan. Very weird woman.

They were a gift to your child and once given they cease to be hers and became the recipient's property. And how insulting to the new parents, she made something new for your child but their child gets second hand gifts she made for someone else. Hand me downs and second hand gifts are fine and I was happy to receive them, but if a relative made something for my sister's baby and then took them back to give to me, the message to me would be "you and your baby don't mean as much to me as your sister and her baby"

Keep all the gifts. Say you are keeping in case of another child or even to pass down to the next generation. My children have worn knitted clothes and crochet blankets that I used when I was a baby, that were made by my Mum and Granny. They are special and I'm keeping them. Op, that should be seen as a compliment to your MIL.

It’s very rude. I think dp should just say they are packed away with the other baby things as we didn’t imagine you wanted them
bsck, the blanket says oscar so they will hardly want it anyway. I’m curious mum did you ask for your baby presents back from all my siblings too or is it just us as it’s pretty weird and I’d think they’d have warned us?? (our shed is pretty full and some boxes would be hard to get to)

MIL gifted the items to you, so can't ask for them back now. They belong to you. Keep them for your next child or MIL will just think she can ask for anything back in future.

Mean

My MIL gave us a crocheted christening and layette set made by her mother to give to my husband. We never had children but had a God son. We gave the set to his parents when he was born. 20 years later my MIL wanted it for a doll and told us to get it back. Unless she said it up front it ridiculous to ask for a gift back. I know how you feel

Which part was mean? The message was so polite.

I think your MIL is rude. However, I think that as she isn't that close to this family member - she wants to pass on something she has made, but she doesn't want to waste money on wool and waste her time making them, hence why she is asking for them back.

I would tell her that you wanted to keep them for any future babies, and you are confused as you thought they were gifts. Ask her that in future, can she let you know as she gives you things, if they are a gift to keep, or on loan. Then change the subject.

Over the years my MIL has been a bit weird with gift giving.

One year she gave DH an annual (monthly) subscription to a gardening magazine which had the offer of choosing free seed packs every few months. After he'd opened the certificate of this gift, she ask if he could mail her the magazine after he'd finished reading it, and if he didn't want the gifts, could she have them. Gift was going to cost DH more to post to her than what the subscription cost. He wasn't interested in this subscription, so each month when they arrived, he left them in the study, unopened and he never passed them onto her.

She has given him books, wrapped up as gifts. Later on she will ask me for it back - often I will have no idea what she's talking about as I wasn't there when she gave them to him.

With my 2nd baby, she was crocheting a blanket, just like she did for my first, and consulted me on colours and showed me her progress each time I saw her. Someone else in the family then got pregnant and we never received the blanket - but I saw it in photos of the other family member with their baby.

I quickly learnt to accept my MIL was a bit 'different' in many ways.

Who
a) asks for gifts back
b) assumes that people don't do what they want with their own property and offers their possessions to other people. Apart from the personalised item you may already have passed on/donated/sold outgrown /unused baby items without even considering you may be hoping for another baby.

Your husband needs to to say to her “ its ridiculous and very rude to ask for gifts back. How do you know we even have kept the (random generic items) and the blanket was personalised with “Archie’s” name on it so thats got sentimental memories and we are keeping it for him when hes older, so no we arent sending anything back to you. How would you like it if we got in touch asking you for (prior gift/s) to be sent back so we could pass onto someone else ?”

I wonder if shes got a bit carried away in discussing relatives pregnancy and has offered them your clothes etc thinking you wouldn't want them anymore or have no need to keep them, so that she can seem to be generous. If thats the case he needs to also say

”Dont offer any of Archie’s outgrown clothes or equipment because a) we may be hoping our family isn't yet complete and b) we already may have passed it on/loaned to others/ planning to sell etc and in either case we just haven't told you. Quite frankly I don't really know step cousin Sarah very well and if I wanted these items passed on in the family I would never have even considered her. Sorry if that embarrasses you but thats on you. “

This is perfect.

I would return the lot of them including the personalised things then have nothing more to do with this bizarre person.