MIL asking for gift back

[hattiez]

My MIL knitted / crocheted some cardigans / jumpers/ outfits and a couple of blankets for my son when he was born. They where given to us in a gift bag / wrapped in tissue paper and with a card with the usual congratulations on. One of the blankets had his name on and the other in colours/ design to match the nursery we planned.
A distant member of my husbands family related by marriage is due a baby shortly, my MIL has asked for the items she made for my son to be returned so she can give them to the family member.
My son is a young toddler and we hope to have another child shortly so we haven't passed on any of the baby things yet as hope to be able to use them again.
I'm not a hoarder and will happily pass things on once no longer needed and I appreciate that perhaps my MIL just wants to see the things she made in use again or that it may have been poorly worded and will of course return the items she made and gifted but AIBU unreasonable to be a bit upset / shocked that she's asked for them back to regift particularly as one has his name on and were quite personalised?
The cardigans and outfits obviously no longer fit so have been stored with his other clothes hopefully for a sibling and the blanket is on the chair in his room.
I appreciate families / friends hand things down / pass things on and we benefitted from friends giving us things however I would have kept the hand kitted things regardless in appreciation of the love and work gone into them.
I will return the items I think as it would seem she wants them back and I respect that she made them but it makes me feel a bit upset and weird that she has asked for what I thought was a gift back to pass on and wary of accepting future "gifts" in case they are also removed but perhaps its just me being unreasonable

This is the sort of thing my mil would do because she’s very practical and not at all sentimental. It wouldn’t occur to her that we treasure them. We would tell her we did and she would be pleased. Problem over. Could it be something like that?

This is what I was thinking

This is so weird. A gift is a gift - you can’t ask for it back!

How did she ask for them? Was it a text, in person, via DH? Need more context. If via DH I would check that it hasn’t been mis-communicated.

This ⬆️
You don't have to return them, they were given to you as a gift. You can keep them for any future babies.

I would pack it all up, including the named blanket, and thank her for the loan. If I needed to really call attention to it, I'd repeat what it is she is asking you to do "so you want me to return all of his gifts from you?"

If she asks why on earth you included the named blanket, I'd honestly say I was confused by the request in general so wanted to make sure she had everything back that she wanted.

It's an incredibly strange request, OP, but definitely return them as I'm sure she'll manage to make you seem unreasonable if you don't.

I’d send them back.
it is very odd.

I would not return any of them, even if there was no second baby planned.

They were gifts for your son. She can stop being lazy and pick up the knitting needles again.

Have your dh refuse. She gave them to you so they are now yours to use and pass on as you decide. Dh can tell her that you are hoping to use them again.

Also have dh define 'gift' for her.

You stay out of it.

Cardigans I would give back without a second thought, DH mam knits and they also constantly churn hand me downs from one cousin to another but it does seem wierd she wouldnt just knit new ones.

I also dont loan out things, If I plan on needing them again because you'll likely never get them back or get the back damaged/missing bits but I couldnt get to upset over random home knitted cardies.

The blanket with his name on is just wierd though, thats clearly a keepsake GIFT for only your DS... I wouldn't give that back (and I wouldnt want someone hand me downing stuff with someone elses name all over it, it would be wierd) and if she asks I would clearly say 'DS is very attached to his blanket with his name on, he would be very hurt and sad if granny took his gift off him to give to another child'.

I really don’t expect that she wants the personalised items back.
Just give her the cardigans and jumpers. The blanket with your child’s name on is clearly ‘theirs’.

Who is this "distant relative"?

Tbh I'd be hurt because I'd be thinking that they had been made with her GS in mind, not as a bundle to be handed around the family.

I think I'd tell her what you've told us, that you appreciated and enjoyed using them and were hoping to use them again for your next child. At the least, I'd say that you'd like to keep the personalized blanket as a memento for your child. She's an odd grandmother if she wouldn't be thrilled at that thought!

If you don't want to speak to her about it, I'd just keep back the personalized item without comment. If she asks, say that you thought she meant your DS to keep that one as a keepsake, since it has his name on it.

Does the family member even want them or is MIL trying to start a tradition of the stuff she knitted being handed around the family?

They were a gift. They belong to you/your DC. So you can’t “ give them back” If they had been loaned then yes.

I wouldn’t do it, and I would say the above (politely). Otherwise a precedent will have been set regarding any future gifts. You can pass them on if you want in the future.

I would suggest simply saying that they are stored as you are hoping for another child - she won't know this is the case.

It's also pretty rude to demand, though if she worded it as a suggestion that's different

I would be logging her rudeness. One day it may come in handy.
Keep the blanket. Reinforce if you get pregnant you want the rest back.

I'd do this. And then try to brush it off.

Just out of curiosity...does he do anything with the blanket? If not, it's tempting just to send the lot back and wait for her reaction.

I'd say you cleared them all out and no longer have them, it's a weird thing to do asking for them back. Or you could just hand the clothes over, if you wanted to?

Some people hate hand knitted things (me) and never use them anyway, I felt bad lots of reles knitted but they were some gross colours, I also worried about the buttons coming off on some things as they weren't sewn on that well. They sat in a suitcase before I sent them to the charity shop. The relatives receiving the knitted items may well feel the same, especially if it's a pfb.

This.

And personalised stuff? Who wants something with another child's name on for their baby? That's just silly.

A gift is a gift - you can't just decide you want it back. Give her a ball of wool and suggest she makes something new for the relative's baby. That will be nicer anyway.

My lovely MILs knitted gifts were passed around the family AND she knitted new ones for each child. We ended up with all the knitted things as we had the youngest child - so I have a big bag in the attics with loads of different sized hats, cardigans etc. I wouldn't want to get rid of them as she is no longer with us, although I have gifted a few on.

So I don't think it is that weird to pass them on, but as with other posters I wouldn't pass on personalised items.

I would also say no. Once you have been given a gift it belongs to you.

My mother gave me a lovely set of books for my boys when they were small, when one of my nieces got pregnant she asked me to give them to her, I said no. Why would you give your grandchild a gift and then ask for it back to give to someone else? Weird behaviour.

She’s weird. Absolutely keep the blanket and any pieces that are sentimental to you. The rest return on her doorstep with a note saying how upset you were for treasured gifts to be asked to be returned and you understand going forward gifts are no longer, or get your DH to ask WTAF.

I’d be doing as she asked and handing the lot back.

And I wouldn’t take anything from her going forward.

Are you crazy?

I would say to MIL "you gave us a gift - if and when we are done with it we will try to ensure it goes to a good home."

Any more comments from her and I would be telling her to NEVER give any of you "gifts" again - you are not ther to store her crap indefinitely until she asks for it back.

I think this is extremely odd/rude of her. Gifts are gifts, not loans.