MIL asking for gift back

[hattiez]

My MIL knitted / crocheted some cardigans / jumpers/ outfits and a couple of blankets for my son when he was born. They where given to us in a gift bag / wrapped in tissue paper and with a card with the usual congratulations on. One of the blankets had his name on and the other in colours/ design to match the nursery we planned.
A distant member of my husbands family related by marriage is due a baby shortly, my MIL has asked for the items she made for my son to be returned so she can give them to the family member.
My son is a young toddler and we hope to have another child shortly so we haven't passed on any of the baby things yet as hope to be able to use them again.
I'm not a hoarder and will happily pass things on once no longer needed and I appreciate that perhaps my MIL just wants to see the things she made in use again or that it may have been poorly worded and will of course return the items she made and gifted but AIBU unreasonable to be a bit upset / shocked that she's asked for them back to regift particularly as one has his name on and were quite personalised?
The cardigans and outfits obviously no longer fit so have been stored with his other clothes hopefully for a sibling and the blanket is on the chair in his room.
I appreciate families / friends hand things down / pass things on and we benefitted from friends giving us things however I would have kept the hand kitted things regardless in appreciation of the love and work gone into them.
I will return the items I think as it would seem she wants them back and I respect that she made them but it makes me feel a bit upset and weird that she has asked for what I thought was a gift back to pass on and wary of accepting future "gifts" in case they are also removed but perhaps its just me being unreasonable

I’d say ‘ah ok, that’s a shame as he really likes the blanket still and we love the little things with his name on, I was hoping to keep that as a keepsake are you sure you want the one back with his name?’

my mil I could see doing similar lol. If I offered to take her out shopping and made a fuss of her picking such lovely things - ‘oh MIL that’s lovely what a good eye you have for nice things!’ And so on - she might prefer to just buy something for this baby. Could be something to try?

"MIL, I can give the items back to you, but I would be sad to, I accepted them as gifts and had planned to use for future baby no2, and keep the personalised items as keepsakes."

Not worth falling out imo but say you still use the blanket and could you have the items back if you have another baby?

As you can see from my username, I'm a knitter. I knitted some things for my first lot of grandchildren. My daughter has returned them to me after her children had grown out of them, but I wouldn't dream of asking. If they are in good condition I keep them in case our other children needs them in the future.

To be honest I’d return them as I’d feel weird using them now🤷🏼‍♀️…..I’d keep one personalised blanket and give the rest back. I’d also ask dh to request clarification in future as to whether you are receiving gifts or ‘loaned items’.

The only thing I can think of is that she is under pressure to give a gift to this new family member but can’t afford to.

That’s all I have.

Still no less weird / rude to ask for things back but maybe that is the reason.

I’d go with clarification ie ask if she meant everything and then mention saving for next DC and see what she says.

She sounds batshit so probably can't remember everything she gave you. Give back your least favourite stuff and keep the other bits and give no more headspace to it.

Can you put a positive spin on it? Gush to your MIL about how much you love the items and explain that you were hoping to use them for the rest of your future children before you passed them on to other families. Perhaps ask her if she has any items in mind that she in particular thought that distant family member would treasure, and remind her that the blanked is personalised and that you are loathe to give that up.

Her request is an odd one, but I don't think that you need to respond unkindly.

Just say no she can’t have them because you still want them , or better still get your husband to tell her as it’s his mother . It makes no odds whether you want to use them again or not .

You've missed the point entirely. There is nothing wrong with choosing to pass on things you've been given. There is everything wrong with being given gifts and then the gifter demanding them back. IT's not at all the same thing.

As a knitter, and the child of a knitter I find this weird as many knitters love nothing more than creating a constant stream of baby/toddler knits.

My DM would have just seen the arrival of another baby as an excuse for more knitting, not an opportunity to retrieve past objects.

If you give them back it will fester with you and you will never accept any gift from her again.

I'd go back (or get DH to do it) saying that he is still very attached to his personal blanket, and you are very sentimental about the cardigans which you always appreciated as a very special granny gift so would rather not, also you are hoping for another baby to use them.

An average knitter would melt at this as the ultimate compliment is that items are used.

Lay it on thick and tell her you loved her gift so much and being handmade with love by her for your first child they are really special to you and you really want to keep as a keepsake as they invoke so many special memories of such a precious time and also just in case you need them again and you would love them to be kept as something special in your family.

There is no way anyone would ask for them back after that. If she does, just burst into tears and that should finish her off.

Alternatively hide them and tell her you think you gave them to the charity shop already then "find" them if you do have another dc.

Say you’ve already passed them on to a friend who is going to give them back when you have DC2

'Oh sorry we assumed they were a gift as X has Ds name on it, we hadn't realised they were on loan. Will return ASAP. When will you need them for as the blankets are still in use?'

Bit passive agressive maybe? 🤣

I wonder why she's not knitting new things for the new baby? Perhaps someone knitted these for her and she's going to present them to the new Mum passing them off as her own work?

She obviously won't mean the personalised blankets, no-one would want a blanket with someone else's baby name on it. I think it's OK to ask for the cardigans if you have them to pass on to a relative. That's no big deal surely!

It's entirely up to you what you keep and what you pass on, also who you pass it to! She gave gifts and they should be no longer of her concern. She is massively overstepping the mark.

I'd shut this down as a previous poster said by telling her they are stored in the loft for baby 2 and you use the blanket.

Could be years of micro-managing batshittery from her otherwise.

Usually with hand knitted items from a MiL I would expect the Op to be complaining she doesn’t want to use them and the MiL expects to see them on the baby all the time 🤣

Unexpected to have a tussle over knitted gifts from the MiL, on both sides!

Just say ‘oh we thought they were gifts, we’d planned to use them for any second baby. You can have them back if you really want for xxx but we’d prefer to keep them for sentimental reasons. Also it’s lucky we still have them - we could have easily passed them onto a friend or something as we have done with some other items. So if you give anything in future please do be clear if it’s a loan or a gift as we’d hate to accidentally upset you. By the way we assumed you didn’t mean the personalised blanket, and xxx is still using that anyway.’

She will probably then see she’s being silly and backtrack.

Just say you love them, treasure them and want to keep them for next baby. It's weird that she's asking for them back. Suspect the relatives would be surprised to get secondhand knits as a gift anyway.

Has she asked you directly or has she asked your husband who has relayed the request to you? Could there have been some miscommunication - for example she's asked for the clothing as she knows your son has outgrown it and doesn't realise you're planning another child soon, so thinks it's sitting unused? She also might have phrased it as more of a suggestion than a demand.

I'd just decide what you're comfortable with and tell her clearly. Don't take it as an insult or an unreasonable request unless you're sure it's meant that way. I'd think your husband would have some insight as well, whether or not he's been involved, as he's likely grown up with his mother and knows her well.

I have arthritis in my hands, I crochet as my physio says it is good for my hands.

A gift is a gift where I come from so I would be telling her sorry but I’m passing them down to our next baby.

Keep them but tell her you’ve regifted them (apparently that’s ok)

I would say “oh no MIL they are beloved sentimental items and I can’t bear to give them away.”

Could you buy some plain cardigans that look like they were knitted by your MiL and give her those? Does she remember what the ones she knitted for you look like? If she doesn't, then this might be a way to get around actually handing back the gift she gave you.

www.marksandspencer.com/peter-rabbit-knitted-cardigan-0-3-yrs-/p/clp60567311
www.next.co.uk/style/st918079/a29108#a29108
www.next.co.uk/style/st916284/t06842#t06842
www.next.co.uk/style/st457422/430370#430370