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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have been asked to host a party for a friend in my house while 9 months pregnant

593 replies

BrinaEds · 04/10/2022 13:20

AIBU, I have been asked by a close friend to host a party in my house for them. I'll be 9 months pregnant by the day of the party and I'm already tired all the time but I don't feel like I can say no. I would have thought that some consideration would have been given to the fact I'm pregnant before they even asked but they recently did helped me out with something which they pushed to do but was helpful (nothing on this scale) so now I feel obliged. My main concern about the whole thing is having a bunch of strangers in my house (20-30 people), the possibility of picking up a cold/flu and the deep clean that will have to happen after the event because tidying is not the same as cleaning. DH says he will manage the day and sort out all the cleaning after but I just don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. AIBU?

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 04/10/2022 13:22

Why can't they have in their own home or hire somewhere? Flat no from me!

Dannexe · 04/10/2022 13:22

“No, sorry, that just won’t be possible. But if you pay for a room hire somewhere I will happily help you to plan it to the extent that I’m able to before I give birth.”

OriginalUsername2 · 04/10/2022 13:23

Of course not. Just say no, I’ll be 9 months pregnant. Job done.

alloutoflunchideas · 04/10/2022 13:23

Just say no
I don’t even understand how things like this happen?

oopsfellover · 04/10/2022 13:23

Why don’t you feel you can say no?

RandomMess · 04/10/2022 13:23

You say "No, it's too close to my due date"

Garman · 04/10/2022 13:23

Just say no, it's madness to even consider it.

Waterfallgirl · 04/10/2022 13:24

alloutoflunchideas · 04/10/2022 13:23

Just say no
I don’t even understand how things like this happen?

Yes this - your DH should have your back in this - not be compliant to someone tramping over both your boundaries.

Rogue1001MNer · 04/10/2022 13:24

but I don't feel like I can say no

Well, that's your problem.
Asking a question/favour isn't unreasonable.

You can say no.
You can say yes, but not on this date.
The power is with you here

Twizbe · 04/10/2022 13:24

Just say no. Why can't they host this event or hire somewhere?

justasking111 · 04/10/2022 13:24

Be very devious and with a straight face tell everyone you're going in early for observation and a possible induction due to your blood pressure being a concern

cultkid · 04/10/2022 13:24

No!! Wtf!!

Can you just say you've been put on bed rest? I am sooo shocked this happened. Awful. How awkward for you!

isthismylifenow · 04/10/2022 13:25

Of course it has to be a no. What if the baby comes early....

Even if baby doesn't, its a bit much of an ask. What favour did they do for you?

NoseyNellie · 04/10/2022 13:25

Your ‘friend’ needs a direct No from you.

Your DH is trying to be supportive but has taken the wrong path - tell him you’re going to decline and that you want his support with the decision. If he starts up with any “Oh but I could…” repeat the answer is no.

ditto with your friend: no on repeat until she gets it.

sprinkle with some “I love you but I’ve made my decision” if either needs it 👍🏻

TheOtherBoleynGirls · 04/10/2022 13:26

“Ha ha hahaha. In this state? I don’t think so.”

Seriously, you just have to say no sometimes!

squishee · 04/10/2022 13:26

No is a complete sentence.

What's the AIBU? AIBU for not telling her to feck right off?

ginnybag · 04/10/2022 13:26

I think you have the perfect answer in that - if you were to give birth early - the whole thing would have to be cancelled at short notice.

So, 'sorry, no, too close to my due date for me to risk it.'

Why can't they have the party at their own house, or, y'know, hire a room like everyone else?

shipwreckedonhighseas · 04/10/2022 13:26

Just explain it's too much and there's a high chance you could be in labour/early stages of labour/back in the house with a baby and it would be stressful and difficult.

BruceAndNosh · 04/10/2022 13:26

I assume that this party is not next week, Ie you are maybe 7 months at the moment.
So what's their plan if you have the baby a week early?...

weaselish · 04/10/2022 13:26

Just say that you can't, it's too near your due date (I was 36 weeks...). Ridiculous to expect that

TourmalineGiraffe · 04/10/2022 13:26

Absolutely not!
Are you the first in your group to have children?
I can't see how else this idea could even be considered if not.

This is not a reasonable request, you could actually have your newborn at this point!

lanthanum · 04/10/2022 13:27

At that close to due date, you have an exceedingly good reason to say no - you might not even be there (or possibly you're planning a home water-birth in the lounge!). It's a preposterous idea to ask you to host, and if your friend doesn't understand that then you're better off without them. And make sure DH knows that if the event happens somewhere, your baby's birth takes precedence over his attendance at the party - I'm a bit alarmed that he doesn't seem to think it's out of the question for you to host.

Wnikat · 04/10/2022 13:28

You could have a newborn, you could be in hospital. Say no. Do it now. Right now.

shipwreckedonhighseas · 04/10/2022 13:28

People on Mumsnet often delight in saying they hiked up Everest and provided a vegan buffet on the summit while nine months pregnant so this shouldn't be a problem. Ignore.

Latenightreader · 04/10/2022 13:28

You could have already had the baby at that point - just say it won't be possible. Why have they asked for such a large gathering at your house? If it did go ahead, they should be the one doing all of the preparation/catering/post party cleaning, but as you will be on the verge of having a baby it is completely unreasonable to expect you to have all the disruption and stress.

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